[Icedgem]

I'll try and keep this as short as possible.

A is someone I have known for over 30 years. A has abusive tendencies physical and emotional.

B is someone I have known over 10 years and we have become close due to their relationship with A.

B was in a relationship with A which B has now ended.

B has filed a non molestation order against A saying A should no be around their children as a parental figure.

B has made a lot of accusations without evidence. Their word against the other.

Whilst I 'should' side with A given our history I believe what B is saying. Albeit the allegations seem a little far fetched but I hear truth in what B is accusing.

I feel so stuck. All the relationships A & B have created between them have been cut. Friends, family etc. I feel in the middle. A is leaning on me for support but I want to reach out to B and say I BELIEVE YOU!!!

B has blocked me from contact. Has blocked everyone that A knows.

A is not a monster but more misunderstood and not realised their actions had such an impact to cause this.

I hope this makes sense. I can't talk to anyone and the 1 person I want to talk to.. B, has blocked me.

All advice welcome. Please feel free to ask questions if you need to.

I need support please

[TheGal]

I'm sorry that A is abusive.

In spite of your 30-year history, the abuse should trump the length of your relationship with A.

For your own sanity, I would back away from both of them. B has backed away from you, so respect her boundaries and wishes.

Now back away from A.

You need to put on your own oxygen mask first. Help yourself first.

[divine1966]

How do you know that B has no evidence when they made accusations? Why do you think it’s far fetched?

What did the court decide in regards to A not allowed around children? Are these A’s children? If not, then is A insisting on keep acting as a parent? And why?

If A is abusive, your words, why do you think B’s accusations are unfounded? If A tends to be abusive do you really think there is zero evidence of abuse during 10 year relationship?

[Have Hope]

One thing to understand about abuse allegations. Abuse ALWAYS happens behind closed doors and out of the public eye, so there is no evidence and so that the abuser can keep abusing without others knowing. Abusers ALWAYS uphold a false facade of goodness to the public. Know this and understand FULLY these facts about abusers and about abuse allegations.

You seem like you are believing A more than B when you say things like "A is not a monster but more misunderstood". If you already know that A has committed physical and emotional abuse in your history with A, then believe your friend B more than A.

One other thing about abusers, a fact you should know. Abusers will ALWAYS say that they are misunderstood. In truth, they are FULLY AWARE of their abuse. Abuse is deliberate. If it weren't deliberate, they would not be able to turn it off and on like they do.

Believe your friend B, like your gut tells you to believe. And I would be very skeptical about A, especially since you already know that there is an abusive tendency there, both physical and emotional.

I would back away from B and not be supportive of B no matter what B says and regardless of your 30-year history.

[Marie123]

I would stay out of it. It is not your stuff.

[Mendingmysoul]

My parents are very popular in the town they live in.According to people they are very nice,polite,kind,generous, religious,empathic and all those nice human traits you can think of.There is no evidence of what so ever happened with in those walls.They still to this day try to impress a total stranger.If I were to utter anything on the contrary in real life to real people I would come across as a liar. They seem so genuine to outsiders. Once I tried to share my experience with my golden sister.She denied and said mom was nice.At that time I couldn't understand why she didn't agree with me.Now I do.She had different experiences with my mom.She was the golden child.She was treated well.Her needs were met and she was doted on.She couldn't relate with my experiences as a scapegoat. If a sibling that was present there with you in that house all the while things are happening can't see then what are the odds that outsiders will see and believe. That is how abusers operate.They make sure there is no evidence. They fake extra niceness.They are generous to people and groom them as flying monkeys,in case the victim tries to speak up against the abusers.
I chuckle to myself when someone says your parents are so nice.Oh boy,only if you knew.

[TheGal]

@Mendingmysoul

A lot of 'acting' that everything is so good when behind closed doors it's another story happens. Lots of collateral damage in the process...

Have you ever heard of the book Toxic Parents?

[Mendingmysoul]

Yes,I did.I intend to read it.Did you read it?