[jesyka]

Has any of you dealt with this issue too? I don’t even have any access to important documents like the pink slip to my car, the deed to the house, our marriage certificate oe anything like that.

I was stupid enough to trust him with everything. I married him when I was only 22 & inexperienced with men & relationships.

Not to mention finances & life in general. I was barely taught any real life skills growing up except for how to drive mostly. And what I learned at school too. The rest came from reading, t.v & bad life experiences.

I now am no longer on the joint checking account after we became victims of fraud. It wasn’t my fault at all.

He threatened to divorce me for years when we had bad arguments. My friend thinks that he’s hiding money in his home country of Israel.

I know how much was in the blocked account before he opened a new one. I got statements at the bank. He clsims to not know how much he owes the IRS.

He handles all the bills. It’s been that way for almost 29 years old even when I was working. He tells me nothing other than he’s owed the IRS for over 10 or more years & that he tried to get on a payment plan.

He just told me to spend less. I’ve looked at the IRS statements so he can’t hide that from me.

He didn’t tell me that he was going to declare bankruptcy back in 2004 until a week beforehand. We live in a 50/50 state regarding divorce in the U.S, so oerhaps he’s hiding things just in case do I don’t get much if anything if anything ar all according to his threats to leave me with nothing.

What has your experience been like if you’ve been through this?

Other than a possible affair, why else would anyone do this to their wife?

Is it to hide money in case of a divorce? For punishment & control? I’d appreciate any insight into this.

[TheGal]

You need financial transparency and you're not getting it.

Time to consult a legal professional and consider your options.

Also, check out Suze Orman's books and in particular her advice on how to conduct financial affairs within a relationship.

[*Beth*]

Control. Power.

[Discombobulated]

I personally would not put up with this. Agree with replies above.

Agree with above posts

I not sure about usa but i know in uk when divorce happens, if theres no kids both partners have to have as close to half of everything as possible

[jesyka]

Originally Posted by TheGal

You need financial transparency and you're not getting it.

Time to consult a legal professional and consider your options.

Also, check out Suze Orman's books and in particular her advice on how to conduct financial affairs within a relationship.

Thanks fir the suggestions. I’ll check out that book.

[jesyka]

Originally Posted by willowtigger

Agree with above posts

I not sure about usa but i know in uk when divorce happens, if theres no kids both partners have to have as close to half of everything as possible

Same here in Ca.

[TishaBuv]

Sadly, I had to deal with similar. I have seen others go through what you are experiencing, too.

Why do they do it? Control and greed.

You need to be extremely assertive to advocate for yourself.

In some things you mentioned like tax returns, IRS, etc… You had to sign the tax returns as the spouse every year. He has to show it to you in order for you to sign, unless he is forging your signature. So, when you are asked to sign, don’t just sign until you read the information. If you don’t understand what you are reading, you can ask a professional (not him) to explain it to you. Maybe someone at a tax place like an H R Block can explain your finances that are all listed on your tax return.

I agree read books or articles on finances and try to learn the basics so you understand where your money is and how much is left and if he is taking money away and hiding it in another country. Consult a divorce lawyer with questions, they can help you figure it out. When you are divorcing, they do a search of where he put finances, but that is only after you decide to divorce and file.

Good luck. I hope he did not make your nest egg disappear.

[TishaBuv]

This can be so hard. Your situation where the husband was completely keeping the wife in the dark happened to my sister. If she tried to ask him what it meant while signing the tax return, he started yelling at her that she was too stupid to understand, and she backed off and signed. Ugh!

[jesyka]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Sadly, I had to deal with similar. I have seen others go through what you are experiencing, too.

Why do they do it? Control and greed.

You need to be extremely assertive to advocate for yourself.

In some things you mentioned like tax returns, IRS, etc… You had to sign the tax returns as the spouse every year. He has to show it to you in order for you to sign, unless he is forging your signature. So, when you are asked to sign, don’t just sign until you read the information. If you don’t understand what you are reading, you can ask a professional (not him) to explain it to you. Maybe someone at a tax place like an H R Block can explain your finances that are all listed on your tax return.

I agree read books or articles on finances and try to learn the basics so you understand where your money is and how much is left and if he is taking money away and hiding it in another country. Consult a divorce lawyer with questions, they can help you figure it out. When you are divorcing, they do a search of where he put finances, but that is only after you decide to divorce and file.

Good luck. I hope he did not make your nest egg disappear.

Thanks for the good advice. Sorry to hear that happened to you too. I definitely need to learn more about finances & my legal rights.

[jesyka]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

This can be so hard. Your situation where the husband was completely keeping the wife in the dark happened to my sister. If she tried to ask him what it meant while signing the tax return, he started yelling at her that she was too stupid to understand, and she backed off and signed. Ugh!

Omg, that’s horrible! Mine tells me that he doesn’t want to talk about it or that I’m lucky thst I don’t need to deal with the finances.

[Discombobulated]

Originally Posted by jesyka

Omg, that’s horrible! Mine tells me that he doesn’t want to talk about it or that I’m lucky thst I don’t need to deal with the finances.

What do you say in response to this?

That is complete nonsense saying you’re lucky!

Originally Posted by jesyka

Omg, that’s horrible! Mine tells me that he doesn’t want to talk about it or that I’m lucky thst I don’t need to deal with the finances.

He sounds very controlling. That's a huge HUGE red flag that he won't give you access to your shared funds in your marriage.

If you work, I would stop contributing your paychecks to your shared bank account and get your own bank account. I would cut off your husband's access to your monies immediately. He'll try to scare you into giving him access (threaten divorce or what have you) but don't give in b/c that is your access to freedom.

If your husband truly respected you, but didn't think you were good with monies, he'd help you find a community ed class that teaches finance 101 or he'd patiently sit down with you and teach you how to balance the checkbook.

[jesyka]

Originally Posted by Discombobulated

What do you say in response to this?

That is complete nonsense saying you’re lucky!

I told him this isn’t normal & I feel like he’s hiding things from me

[jesyka]

True! He IS controlling. I told him thst he’s abusing me financially. He just laughs & says a whole family lives off what he gives me in cash each week.

Yeah, right! Even if they did, that doesn’t excuse him from hiding finances from me.

[TishaBuv]

How did you come to be in this situation where he has total control over finances? Did you start off this way when you got together? Did he bully you into letting him take control?

[TheGal]

"Having separate bank accounts can help partners maintain their autonomy, according to financial expert Suze Orman."

Short Video:

Suze Orman: Here'''s how couples should split their finances

Also, this article:

Suze Orman: How couples should fairly split their finances