I let him back in and now I am kicking myself #2

Have Hope · Jan 16, 2023 at 04:46 AM

He had sent a few lengthy texts too. I had unblocked him a week or so ago to discuss signing the divorce papers. He is trying to woo me back again. I am pretty astounded that he would want anything to do with me, after kicking him out of his home twice now. He is saying things like "you looked so beautiful" and "I was full of emotion after seeing you" and "I just wanted to hold you and give you love".

It does pull at my heart strings a tiny bit, I must admit. And a part of me wishes I could ask him to move back in, only to help me pay rent and bills. Obviously, I will NOT do that, because I don't love him and I don't want him anymore. A friend even asked if he could be my roommate. NO WAY. I am only sharing my deepest thoughts right now and they are there because I feel desperate. He is not allowed back in my life though. Never again. I will find other solutions - I will get a job if it's the last thing I do. I have to get determined.

Marie123 · Jan 16, 2023 at 06:56 AM

I understand that feeling, every time I see the x (rarely) after 20 years I cringe.

divine1966 · Jan 16, 2023 at 07:02 AM

Block him again.

Buffy01 · Jan 16, 2023 at 11:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Have Hope

Ugh! I bumped into my husband socially yesterday at a band . I did not anticipate seeing him, it was a complete surprise and my heart nearly jumped out of my body.

He pulled me aside to talk to me. Or, rather, he talked AT me for five mins about how sorry he is, how he never wanted a divorce, how I am "it" for him, etc. He's still in therapy and claims that he's "better" now. Uh huh, like I believe that. Then he decided to leave the venue because it was too awkward with both of us there. I was glad he left.

I was shaking inside the whole time I was speaking with him. He still has a negative effect on me.

So, that sucked.

I’m so

sorry

Buffy01 · Jan 16, 2023 at 11:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Have Hope

I never said I was GOING to reach out to him, geez. Your post comes across as harsh and really judgmental. I am suffering greatly right now due to a job loss. He has been my go-to person for nearly five years, so naturally, I have the inclination to want to tell him. But as I've stated several times now, I will not. And please stop judging my THOUGHTS.

I totally agree with what you said.

Buffy01 · Jan 16, 2023 at 11:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Have Hope

I had a dream that I allowed my husband to move back in because I am now unemployed and need to split expenses. He did so begrudgingly, thinking I was just using him and then he decided to leave me, leaving me destitute and completely dejected and depressed.

I am having desperation fantasies around this. Of course, I will never ask him to move back in and I am still planning on divorcing him. But, I am in a desperate state of mind and this is the dream and fantasy I am having.

Oh Lord. This is just NOT GOOD.

The grieving process we all have to go through in order to heal. It quite normal.

Have Hope · Jan 16, 2023 at 05:36 PM

Thanks @Buffy01 for all your support and for the validation. Much appreciated!

He called me and I stupidly picked up the phone. Again he talked at me but asked if he needs to stay away from the music scene. I told him he can do as he pleases and told him not to contact me - that I don’t want anything to do with him. Then I told him it’s always about HIM and how HE feels - not once does he show he cares about how I feel. Screw him. I will block him again.

Jan 16, 2023 at 05:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Have Hope

Thanks @Buffy01 for all your support and for the validation. Much appreciated!

He called me and I stupidly picked up the phone. Again he talked at me but asked if he needs to stay away from the music scene. I told him he can do as he pleases and told him not to contact me - that I don’t want anything to do with him. Then I told him it’s always about HIM and how HE feels - not once does he show he cares about how I feel. Screw him. I will block him again.

Yep time to forever block him

Buffy01 · Jan 16, 2023 at 10:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Have Hope

Thanks @Buffy01 for all your support and for the validation. Much appreciated!

He called me and I stupidly picked up the phone. Again he talked at me but asked if he needs to stay away from the music scene. I told him he can do as he pleases and told him not to contact me - that I don’t want anything to do with him. Then I told him it’s always about HIM and how HE feels - not once does he show he cares about how I feel. Screw him. I will block him again.

your

I’m glad that I could support and validate you.

Have Hope · Jan 17, 2023 at 04:00 PM

I’m having a bad day. A recruiter wasted my time, the aftermath of seeing my husband and I’m unemployed going through a divorce. No way around it - this sucks.

Have Hope · Jan 18, 2023 at 06:14 AM

I blocked my husband on my cell phone - again. I told him I hate him, regret meeting him and regret marrying him. I also said that he failed me as a husband in so many ways, and broke too many promises. Then I blocked him. He hasn't written an email in reply. GOOD.

I really do hate him. Once again, he's full of weak, lame excuses for his bad behavior. This time it's, he read my letter but he didn't think he needed help and he didn't think he was doing anything wrong. He said he took my letter the wrong way. My letter spelled it out for him - these fights are unacceptable and cannot continue, is what I wrote. What does he do with that? He completely ignores everything I wrote and fought with me yet again several days after reading my letter. It shows zero respect for my feelings and opinions.

Screw him. I am so done with listening to his bs.

Jan 18, 2023 at 10:35 AM

Actions speak louder than words, Have Hope

Have Hope · Jan 18, 2023 at 10:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by willowtigger

Actions speak louder than words, Have Hope

YES, and that's exactly what I told him as well. His actions speak volumes, and his words are all empty promises and false.

Have Hope · 10:11 AM

I finally just stopped replying to him. I cannot listen to his excuses and bs reasoning and longer. And it IS all bs. He just makes up stuff to explain away his bad behaviors and poor treatment of me. Oh, I didn't realize, he says, or I couldn't receive criticism at the time, or my coping skills were lacking because of my mom's failing health. Whatever the case may be, I have zero trust that he can be the loving, supportive and faithful husband I want & need - and consistently. If his coping skills are lacking now when there's a family crisis, then he won't be able to cope in the future either. And if he cannot hear or receive my feedback, more than once now, then that's a huge problem. I have zero faith in him and zero trust at this point.

Buffy01 · Jan 19, 2023 at 10:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Have Hope

I’m having a bad day. A recruiter wasted my time, the aftermath of seeing my husband and I’m unemployed going through a divorce. No way around it - this sucks.

I’m sorry that your not having a good day. Do something nice for yourself.

Have Hope · Jan 19, 2023 at 10:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Buffy01

I’m sorry that your not having a good day. Do something nice for yourself.

Thank you.

I will.

Have Hope · Jan 19, 2023 at 10:57 AM

We're officially filed for divorce with the court. A step!

Buffy01 · Jan 19, 2023 at 10:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Have Hope

I blocked my husband on my cell phone - again. I told him I hate him, regret meeting him and regret marrying him. I also said that he failed me as a husband in so many ways, and broke too many promises. Then I blocked him. He hasn't written an email in reply. GOOD.

I really do hate him. Once again, he's full of weak, lame excuses for his bad behavior. This time it's, he read my letter but he didn't think he needed help and he didn't think he was doing anything wrong. He said he took my letter the wrong way. My letter spelled it out for him - these fights are unacceptable and cannot continue, is what I wrote. What does he do with that? He completely ignores everything I wrote and fought with me yet again several days after reading my letter. It shows zero respect for my feelings and opinions.

Screw him. I am so done with listening to his bs.

have you considered filing a restraining order

and getting some free counseling

?

Have Hope · Jan 19, 2023 at 01:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Buffy01

have you considered filing a restraining order

and getting some free counseling

?

There's no reason to file a restraining order - he hasn't threatened my safety and made me afraid. In order to get a restraining order, you have to prove that your safety is in jeopardy. I don't know where or how to get free counseling.

Have Hope · Jan 19, 2023 at 01:01 PM

I don't feel like I thought I would when we filed for divorce. I am depressed about it. I feel really let down by him and deeply disappointed that this is how things have turned out in my marriage. Not what I hoped for.

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I let him back in and now I am kicking myself #2

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Marie123 Veteran Member Member Since Jan 2011 Posts: 574 13 29 hugs given	Jan 16, 2023 at 06:56 AM #22 I understand that feeling, every time I see the x (rarely) after 20 years I cringe.

divine1966 Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Dec 2014 Location: US Posts: 22,367 (SuperPoster!) 9 1,277 hugs given	Jan 16, 2023 at 07:02 AM #23 Block him again.

Have Hope Wise Elder Member Since Dec 2017 Location: Eastern, USA Posts: 9,083 (SuperPoster!) 6 3,626 hugs given	Jan 17, 2023 at 04:00 PM #30 I’m having a bad day. A recruiter wasted my time, the aftermath of seeing my husband and I’m unemployed going through a divorce. No way around it - this sucks. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes

Anonymous32448 Guest Posts: n/a	Jan 18, 2023 at 10:35 AM #32 Actions speak louder than words, Have Hope

Have Hope Wise Elder Member Since Dec 2017 Location: Eastern, USA Posts: 9,083 (SuperPoster!) 6 3,626 hugs given	Jan 19, 2023 at 10:57 AM #37 We're officially filed for divorce with the court. A step! __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes

Have Hope Wise Elder Member Since Dec 2017 Location: Eastern, USA Posts: 9,083 (SuperPoster!) 6 3,626 hugs given	Jan 19, 2023 at 01:01 PM #40 I don't feel like I thought I would when we filed for divorce. I am depressed about it. I feel really let down by him and deeply disappointed that this is how things have turned out in my marriage. Not what I hoped for. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes