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Default Jan 19, 2023 at 02:12 PM
  #41
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There's no reason to file a restraining order - he hasn't threatened my safety and made me afraid. In order to get a restraining order, you have to prove that your safety is in jeopardy. I don't know where or how to get free counseling.
Does your insurance cover therapy? What if your pdoc refers you?
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Default Jan 19, 2023 at 02:25 PM
  #42
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Does your insurance cover therapy? What if your pdoc refers you?
I’m losing my insurance Jan 31. I have to then go on gov’t insurance. I’d have to find someone in the insurance network.

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Default Jan 19, 2023 at 02:27 PM
  #43
Possibly a good resource would be a free listening line such as:

https://caringcontact.org/

The listeners are not therapists but are trained to listen and support nonjudgmentally.
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Default Jan 19, 2023 at 02:32 PM
  #44
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Possibly a good resource would be a free listening line such as:

https://caringcontact.org/

The listeners are not therapists but are trained to listen and support nonjudgmentally.
Thanks, Bill. But I’m not really looking for a counselor or to talk to anyone. People here suggested it.

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Default Jan 19, 2023 at 06:30 PM
  #45
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I don't feel like I thought I would when we filed for divorce. I am depressed about it. I feel really let down by him and deeply disappointed that this is how things have turned out in my marriage. Not what I hoped for.
This is normal. There are a lot of highs and lows through the whole divorce process and post divorce. Take each feeling as it happens and remind yourself that it's OK to feel and with some time you will heal. With so many stressful situations in your life right now, stress management and self care are even more important. Be gentle and patient with yourself.
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Default Jan 20, 2023 at 07:24 AM
  #46
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This is normal. There are a lot of highs and lows through the whole divorce process and post divorce. Take each feeling as it happens and remind yourself that it's OK to feel and with some time you will heal. With so many stressful situations in your life right now, stress management and self care are even more important. Be gentle and patient with yourself.
Thank you.

I am very stressed, for certain. Yesterday I took a "me" day and didn't look for jobs, but I saw the dentist. I have a slew of issues. It's depressing me. I had a really bad day yesterday. I hope today will be better.

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Default Jan 20, 2023 at 08:05 AM
  #47
((((((((Have Hope))))))))
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Default Jan 20, 2023 at 01:42 PM
  #48
Thanks @Bill3.

Now my husband continues to email me, despite blocking him on the cell phone. I finally told him that we need to stop communicating, telling him it's not good for my mental health. He thinks he can break through to me again and that I will cave eventually. This is despite my telling him several times that I no longer love him. He is truly unbelievable. But I suppose that it's partially due to the fact that he's been able to convince me several times in the past that he has "learned his lesson" and will be better. I told him I've been hearing the same tune for four years and ever since I first mentioned divorce. Empty promises & empty words, is all that is. He is full of bs.

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Default Jan 20, 2023 at 04:57 PM
  #49
What if you block his email or change yours? Or delete his messages without reading them? 🤔
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Default Jan 20, 2023 at 05:12 PM
  #50
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What if you block his email or change yours? Or delete his messages without reading them? 🤔
I can block his email and filter it to another folder. I can also delete without reading - I've done that before.

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Thumbs up Jan 20, 2023 at 08:22 PM
  #51
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There's no reason to file a restraining order - he hasn't threatened my safety and made me afraid. In order to get a restraining order, you have to prove that your safety is in jeopardy. I don't know where or how to get free counseling.
Ilgrouphug: I’m sorry to hear that

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Like love, it's how we know we're alive.

And life goes on.

That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries
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Default Jan 21, 2023 at 05:40 AM
  #52
Have Hope deserves a lot better than *him*
 
 
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Default Jan 21, 2023 at 08:42 AM
  #53
Thank you @Buffy01 and @willowtigger.


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Default Jan 21, 2023 at 08:52 AM
  #54
A part of going "no contact" with a narc includes not looking at their social media. I have blocked him on my personal facebook account. I have a separate facebook account for my abuse forums that I created secretly while still with my husband. I didn't want him seeing that I belonged to these groups and wanted to keep my activity private. So I created a fictitious account. I can block him there too, but I admit I have peaked at his profile more than a couple times. I. need to stop and stop being tempted. I cannot care about what he is up to.

I guess a part of me is afraid of seeing him with another woman - which will happen at some point in time. I am not prepared for this. A part of me feels like he belongs to ME. And I know this is irrational and unfair of me - I know this already and am fully aware of the contradiction. I cannot help how I feel though - I cannot help my emotional state. And I know it's going to be hard to see him move on. I am used to his attention being on ME - I know I have to let go, & I am working on it, slowly. It's a process..... I am just not ready yet. A first step will be to block him on my other facebook acct so that I am not tempted to continue looking.

I slept with that man again last night too - the one I've already slept with once. I didn't consciously intend upon it, it just sort of happened. We went to a concert and came back to my place afterwards. It does help me to separate from my husband more, but there's a slight twinge of guilt - like I am cheating on him. But I'm not cheating. We're officially filed for divorce now, so I don't truly view it as cheating but it kind of feels that way nonetheless.

I have mixed emotions. I think his love bombing and his emotional outpours as of late got to me a bit. I WISH I could believe in him. I WISH I could trust him. I WISH he was different than he really is. I have to stick to my plans no matter how I feel and no matter what my emotions tell me. Emotions lie and can fool us. I have to listen to my head and my logical brain.

So that's where I am at. I am a total mess.

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Default Jan 21, 2023 at 01:02 PM
  #55
Please help me not to weaken under his love bombing! I am very vulnerable right now and I realize this 100%. I feel weakened by my position in life.

UGH!

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Default Jan 21, 2023 at 01:15 PM
  #56
Get busy.

Idle time is a sure way to hook up with wrong people and going back to exes. Be actively busy with job search. Be busy with other people and other groups. No not bars you could run into your ex. Other places. Go see your mom. Go volunteer. Every time I went for a wrong dude was when I had too much time doing nothing. Don’t have time to entertain thoughts about ex.

How is he love bombing? Why isn’t he blocked?

Now we can only say what we think. We can’t stop you from going back to him but you’ll be breaking up again a year from now in the same boat. Or maybe 5 years. Or 10. You want to go through this in your 60s? 70s? It’s not going to be happily ever after. Just too much drama. It’s not healthy to keep breaking up and divorcing and going back. The fact that it’s even happening should be a sign. It’s just no good. If it was good, you’d not be divorcing
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Default Jan 21, 2023 at 01:18 PM
  #57
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Get busy.

Idle time is a sure way to hook up with wrong people and going back to exes. Be actively busy with job search. Be busy with other people and other groups. No not bars you could run into your ex. Other places. Go see your mom. Go volunteer. Every time I went for a wrong dude was when I had too much time doing nothing. Don’t have time to entertain thoughts about ex.

How is he love bombing? Why isn’t he blocked?

Now we can only say what we think. We can’t stop you from going back to him but you’ll be breaking up again a year from now in the same boat. Or maybe 5 years. Or 10. You want to go through this in your 60s? 70s? It’s not going to be happily ever after. Just too much drama. It’s not healthy to keep breaking up and divorcing and going back. The fact that it’s even happening should be a sign. It’s just no good. If it was good, you’d not be divorcing
Thank you! Your last paragraph is precisely what I needed to hear right now. I just need these reminders and for that same message to be engrained in my brain!!!

He is blocked. His email is now filtered to trash. He hasn't written to me since yesterday, so I am referring to recent previous emails from him.

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Default Jan 21, 2023 at 05:52 PM
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Please help me not to weaken under his love bombing! I am very vulnerable right now and I realize this 100%. I feel weakened by my position in life.

UGH!
Block him from everything, then he cannot love bomb you

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Default Jan 22, 2023 at 07:19 AM
  #59
Well, I have blocked him and also told him to stop communicating with me. I said it's impacting my mental health. He hasn't reached out since.

His words are haunting me. His words of "maybe this wasn't the correct course of action".

Yesterday was a really really really bad day for me in regards to my marriage. I was missing him, lamenting on the good parts and all the good times. I think I must still be trauma bonded to him, because I wanted so badly to reach out to him. I wanted things to be OK between us again. This was my day yesterday - struggling with all these thoughts and emotions that are pulling me back towards my husband. Instead, I reached out to a girlfriend and asked her to help me to be strong.

And, I know it's mainly because I am facing yet another challenging time in my life. I want moral support.

But then, I know the real truth - and the real truth of the matter is that IF I did let him back into my life, he would be even more stressed about making ends meet financially, and he would put all of his own stress on me again. I can barely manage my own stress right now. I don't need HIS stress on top of my stress. And that's what it's truly like living with him. I have to manage both our stress, and honestly, it's just too much for me to handle.

I know it was just a weak moment - or a weak day. That's all it is. I am remaining steadfast in my stance and I did not reach out to him, despite all my contrary emotions telling me to do so.

I have to be stronger than ever before. This circumstance in my life is forcing me to reach a new height in inner strength. It is HARD, I can tell you that. I am struggling for certain, and with each day that passes, it seems to be getting harder, not easier.

I wish I could just take a pill that would make me forget all about him.

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Default Jan 22, 2023 at 07:23 AM
  #60
even my girl cat Willow is sending Have Hope a
 
 
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