I let him back in and now I am kicking myself #2

That is a strong message and a little harsh.

Yes it was.

I am a MESS. Just a plain mess. Now I have a health insurance snafu to resolve and I don't have coverage right now to get my medications filled at the pharmacy. My employer screwed up my health insurance coverage. They were supposed to pay for the last two weeks, and it turns out, I don't have any medical insurance. This is just all such a nightmare.

I want to die. I don't want to live anymore.

No, don't worry - I do not need a hotline. I am just expressing my emotions. I am completely overwhelmed with problems, which seem to simply be piling up on me.

I cannot deal anymore with stress or this life I am in.

I do truly hope things get better quickly for you, Hope

Yes, it was a very harsh thing for my mother to say to teenager me. I actually lessened the comment a bit. It was even more harsh, too harsh to write of what she really said. It did, however, stop me from dialing out the phone to call a boy who was no good for me. I just thought it might help Have Hope laugh about that and use her best judgment for her own self care.

Have Hope deserves good things to happen and i hope they happen soon ❤️

It has cultural overtones, so it may sound harsh to WASP's, for example.

Takes all have hopes problems and sorts them out

I used to use an app called Blink when I was uninsured for my meds. Also see if what you’re on is covered under GoodRx.

I did receive the free gov't insurance, so I was able to get my med prescription filled today.

When things are down, they have no where to go but up. It will be better soon. When it rains, it pours but then sun always come out

Thanks so much for the encouragement. I need it!!

The whole forum loves a Have Hope

Thanks @willowtigger.

And now I am kicking myself for calling my husband and for accepting roses from him. I should not have let him come over. I should not have called him. I am weakening under all the pressure and stress of not having a job and from being alone.

The only upside right now is my mother bought me a membership to the local YMCA - I swam laps for 20 minutes yesterday - the first time in years that I have done that. And it feels good!

I have also lost 11 pounds since I was at my heaviest and when I was with my husband. I am 2 pounds away from where I was when I got married. I want to lose another 8 pounds to get down to where I was when I first met my husband.

So, I am starting to exercise now and I am losing the extra weight I put on since meeting my husband. Those are 2 good things in my life right now.

I have 2 interviews this week - one for a company I don't think would work out for me. HR in this company told me that the manager who would supervise me has super high expectations. That's exactly how it was in my last job - I failed and was let go as a result! I am terrified of this company now and of the hiring manager. And what's ironic is that he is a graduate/alumni of my college. This job is a stretch for me because it's a managerial role, supervising the Digital Marketing Lead, who likely has many years of experience in the field. I am not ready to lead a mid-career level employee. Junior employees, sure, but not mid-level.

The other company focuses on eCommerce retail customers - enterprise level - meaning that their websites are over 10,000 pages or even in the millions. This job is also a stretch for me because I have limited enterprise eCommerce experience. I have SOME, but not a LOT. They may want/need someone with a lot of that specific experience to succeed in their company.

Those are the only interviews I have at the moment - and I have one month before I need to dip into the bank loan I took out.

Can you block his number?

Good luck in the interviews

Thanks! I could, but I haven't blocked him again yet.

I cannot stop crying. I am at a loss and I am breaking down. My life is a disaster. My teeth, my health insurance, my unemployment, my lack of income, and pending divorce... I cannot take anymore! I am about to break down and contact my husband to ask him to come back. I cannot face this alone.... I am losing it!!!!!!!!!!!!!