My Gut Feeling

So as I get older, it’s becoming clearer and clearer to me that marriage and kids are not in the cards for me. I want a really amazing lifelong relationship with a guy, but I don’t honestly like most kids and I’m also very private. I need my own space to recuperate and recover at the end of the week. I often have someone over, but at the end of the day, sharing a living space with someone else is not going to work out for me. My uncle has what I think would be a great setup— he and his girlfriend see each other constantly, and she’s always at his place, but they still have their own separate places and lives. They don’t have an open or polyamorous relationship, they see only each other romantically. But there’s still some space. I think that would work for me. I haven’t told my mom or dad, because they really want grandchildren. But i also realize that I don’t have to tell them; its my life and i have to do what’s best for me. Anyway, my sis and her boyfriend can have kids and I can be the cool aunt lmao— taking them to rock concerts, giving them their first beer, taking them along to watch me get tattoos, etc. Giving them back at the end of the day when they’re cranky haha. Part of me feels really guilty over this though. But it’s the honest truth.

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I also really like the idea of having some distance from one's partner, living space-wise. I have heard of marriages breaking up once moving in together, then getting back together and making it work once they live in separate places.

I wonder if the reason you feel guilty about not wanting kids and wanting to be the fun aunt, is bc your parents want something different than that for you. You are right though, you need to live your own life and you truly don't owe them anything including (especially! it's your body and life) grandkids.

Being the fun Aunt sounds great.

Right?! Just thinking about living in a house in the burbs with smelly, screaming kids and my husband’s dirty socks all over the place makes me want to cringe… I mean, I’m not saying it’s necessarily like that or that wanting marriage and kids is a bad thing. But that’s one of the things that comes to mind for me, and I can’t stand it. I just don’t think it’s for me. I’ve always felt like a) my parents had high expectations for me, as I was the oldest child, and b) I managed to screw it up and dash their hopes every time. Maybe I shouldn’t feel badly about it— after all, what’s failing their expectations yet another time going to change? But still.

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Lots of people don’t have kids. No need to be guilty.

As about living with others. I am hard to live with and I need a ton of my own space my own friends and hobbies and have no desire to be attached to the hip. My husband is so easy going though that living with him doesn’t bother me. I was single most of my life, married him at 50 and no way I’d give up freedom to be with a man who’d be in my face 24/7. Not the kind of life I want.

You can find a man with whom your life will not be a prison. But you can also live apart. Personally I find it complicated. We both have very demanding high stress jobs, we work different shifts and I commute two hours a day. Having to go on dates and then drive to separate households would be draining. Packing overnight bags? Too much work. I think the trick is to find right person. Then it falls into place. I thought I’d stay single until it all changed

It’s 2023. Women can live whatever lives they want. Both my best girl friends are single never married. No children. Neither of them is dating. They live happy engaging interesting lives. They are much happier than many women who spend their days mopping around and complaining about their terrible husbands. Life is too short to waste in miserable marriages.

Live your life the way you see fit

I don’t understand people expecting their children to reproduce. I understand hoping for it or dreaming about it but don’t be talking about it to your kids! Don’t make them feel guilty. My daughter would throw a fit if I told her she must have kids or marry or do this or that. She does what she wants.

Lol indigo. Dirty socks laying around hahah too funny.

Thanks for the vote of confidence divine, appreciate it :-) It’s just been my experience that guys these days seem to want a woman they can conveniently fit into their lives and who will adapt to them, without any compromise whatsoever. Call me crazy, but that’s not how relationhips should work. You meet each other halfway as best you can, and if you can’t, then maybe it’s not meant to be. I’m a pretty independent person— that being said, I’m willing to compromise on many things, but I’ve just met so many guys who keep trying to change me and I resent it. Take me as I am or leave me be. I would love to have a wonderful, fulfilling relationship, but I don’t NEED it. That’s been an issue with guys too. So has my friendships with other guys. What can I say— I’ve always had more guy friends than girl friends. The bottom line is that I don’t need fixing or saving, and I refuse to be something that a guy can accrue just for the purpose of being married. I have not idea where I’m going with this rant, but it’s been said at least LOL

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I get it. Some men might be that way. There are men though who aren’t interested in changing you and aren’t interested in trying to fit you into their life. They are out there. Most women nowadays are independent in spirit and life style. Who wants to adapt to a man to the point of losing their identity?

It’s great you do not need a man. Too many women are so dependent in every sense. It’s a dangerous place to be. It’s healthy to appreciate a good relationship. It’s unhealthy to need one