How do you move on from repeated rejection from your family?

I don't have contact with my mother anymore, I got fed up with the anxiety and frustration caused by her favoritism for my half-brothers and her blatant disregard for my well being, emotional or otherwise. I have very little contact with my father or my half-sisters due to the same situation. I watched my parents raise happy, well adjusted, loved children while I was in the background being ignored, intentionally excluded, judged for everything I did, watched like a hawk to make sure I wasn't doing anything wrong. I had aunts and uncles close to my age that were very predatory and used to bully me to the point that I stopped going to holiday celebrations, which were the only thing I was ever invited to. I had to take myself off Facebook because I got so tired of seeing pictures of my family doing things together that I was never invited to. When I tried to talk to anyone about it I was just told I was being too sensitive and they didn't have to invite me.

Now my own daughter (26) has started treating me the same way, telling me I'm too emotional, accusing me of being "scary, abusive, inappropriate around other adults, and ruining my boys", who are her half brothers (15 and 9). She refuses to talk about what she means specifically and has decided this is something I just have to accept that she has said to me. This all started over me being sad about her not contacting me on Mothers Day. She has lived 3 hours away from me for the past 3 years and has only had limited contact with me over the phone and only when I drove to see her.

I did have two meltdowns specifically with her-one minor over the phone over negative things her husband said to me and one big one on a ski trip because she was acting like a child (not cleaning up after her dogs promptly when they pottied in the house, getting huffy with me for various reasons, acting like she was the only one who could organize anything, rolling their eyes at me and being offended when I told them I couldn't listen to them both talk to me at once because is was too intense) and I didn't want to stay with them. Her husband started screaming at me because I told them to get their stuff out of my car so I could go to a hotel. I did not expect him to do this at all so it scared me, confused me, triggered me. He accused me of not giving them a chance (for what I don't know) and then I just couldn't think coherently so I just started sobbing and saying I didn't know what to do. He was yelling at me about giving them a chance while I was trying to figure out a way to calm the situation down and give them the "chance" they "deserved" but the only responses I got from them were antogonistic instructions to "go see a therapist". I did leave but came back after talking to my other daughter. The rest of the trip was OK. I decided to leave in the morning of our last day since I was not going to ski.

I also had two very stressful episodes where I yelled at people, one after my ex husband was a jerk to me after a funeral and one when my other daughters boyfriend disregarded my instructions to be quiet while I took an online proctored exam (nobody was supposed to be in the room with me). I could have failed the class due to cheating because i live in an open concept house so any background noise could be construed as outside help on my test, which I explained to him in detail prior to starting the test at least twice. I know I have been somewhat detached from my boys due to other stressors but when she told me I was ruining them I just couldn't be around them for long because every time I wanted to assert any kind of authority I remember what she said and it just made me feel so lost and dysfunctional. Unfortunately, her younger sister was living with at the time (destroying my home, but thats another story) and got in the middle. She talked to her sister about what was going on and was told that she meant what she said and I would just have to accept it because she was not going to talk about it any further. I just needed to accept what she said about me and move on with no further discussion. I ended up quitting my job (ER nurse) due to all the stress at home and I haven't been back since.

The holidays became a dark hole of insomnia, anxiety, depression, hopelessness for me. She came over for Thanksgiving but she refused to help clean up, sitting on the couch while her husband, sister, sister's boyfriend, and I were 10 feet away cleaning up. (This is an old wound because a few years ago before she moved I would have her and her husband over for dinner a couple times a month but they would never help clean up after. I talked to her one day and said how much I hated cleaning up and I would like some help, so she just stopped coming over for dinner.) After the kitchen was cleaned up I just went in my room and laid down because all the kids were talking and goofing around. When my daughter came in to say goodbye she said, "Uh, thanks for hosting I guess...????" implying that I had not done anything other than let them use my house. Nevermind I spent two days preparing, paying for and cooking the meal. Her sister helped cook some things the day of, but I did the majority of the work. I asked her what she meant by that and she said, "Well Dylan (her sister) did all the food." I was dumbstruck. I told her that was not the case and she simply said, "Oh, thanks then."

I haven't talked to her since. We've sent a couple texts about different things but I know she was recently diagnosed with autism and she didn't tell me. She is also an egg donor and has decided to keep the autism diagnosis from the company she is using. Unfortunately, she is a "super donor" that gets almost 5x the amount of normal eggs during harvesting so she is a popular donor. She is on her second round in less than a year and is travelling to another city this time.

My mind is constantly filled with thoughts about how much everyone hates me. I don't have any friends and I have only stayed with my boyfriend because he is all I have at this point. I am working on ending the relationship but he has been literally the only person in my entire life to act like he cares about me and has made me feel loved. He is my best friend but he does not take our relationship as something to be integrated into his life. He refuses to do what is necessary to integrate our families (choosing his son's comfort over the hard process of integrating the kids), he offers to pay for things but just what he wants to pay even though he practically lives with me ( he "lives" in his parents basement). He told me I'm ridiculous for wanting to have a "normal" family life. Since that gem I have lost all attraction to him but he has been going through a lot too, so I've stayed in the relationship.

Does this cycle end? Is it possible to be turned away by almost everyone you have ever known and still have the confidence to try new relationships? I know it seems like I'm exaggerating but I could write and entire series of books about my minor traumas through out my entire life that have added up to an atomic bomb on my self esteem. I am going to a therapist but my options are limited due to my financial situation and he is not really a good fit. I read all the articles and books I can about mental health. I live in a small conservative town that you aren't a part of unless you go to church and I am atheist. I tried apps to meet people but no dice there either. I'm feeling much better than I did over the holidays, but now I'm just pissed off and frustrated instead of sad and mopey. UGH.

Wow! I could have written most of that. I know the hurt and confusion you must feel.
When my mother's birthday would roll around, I'd ask what kind of cake she'd like ...etc. She's always tell me she didn't want to do anything for her birthday. I'd give her many options for something fun to do, but, noooo. She'd have no part of it. The day of her birthday, I brought a bouquet of flowers from my garden. When she opened the door my sil, brother and their kids were all there having cake and ice cream. I was hurt but tried not to show it. Sil told me to join them but I said no thanks. Then I had to hear that I'm too sensitive and to get over it. This happened many times. I'd offer to help my parents with doctors appointments but was always told my car was too hard for them to get in and out of. (I had a large SUV). no matter what I offered, I was turned away but I wasn't supposed to act hurt. The final straw was when I offered to host Thanksgiving. I was told no and it would be at my brother house AND I wasn't invited. No explaination...... Things like this continued until my parents death when I wasn't involved in any funeral planning. I then told my brother I didn't ever want to see his face again.
Many other instances occurred during the years but I've already hijacked your thread.
I really understand. This kind of pain (and being told you're too sensitive) is very hard to take. I'm very sorry this is happening to you.

Oh as far as Facebook and the family's posting....I had to see videos of their Christmas celebrations including MY adult children.

Thank you for sharing your experience. It's nice to know someone else is out there who has had similar situations. Things still haven't improved with my daughter. I've made several attempts at speaking with her in varying scenarios, with a counselor, with her sister, etc. She agrees but then comes up with a reason why it's not right for her. I feel like my life is no longer mine. I had an episode of dysphoria this week that made me feel like I wasn't in my body, but looking down on myself thinking "this is not my life". It felt like I was watching my own nightmare....no friends, no family, no respect, no caring, no interest, stuck with a man who acts like a child most of the time and I can't take it anymore. I have no idea what to do.