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Default Mar 14, 2023 at 09:24 PM
  #21
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Originally Posted by ruby2023 View Post
I never intended to come across that way. I only meant to be nice back to those who liked me and treated me nicely. I was ALOT nicer to certain people than to everyone else cuz those few people were my favorites. Shouldn’t they be flattered?

It’s cost me every job I ever had and my current one is in jeopardy
Ruby, you need to learn to accept and respect other people's boundaries and that no means no.

I'm not sure that it's possible for you to understand anyone's reasons, but you certainly can respect someone's boundaries when they establish them and that no means no, and while you may have questions, you are not entitled to answer. If someone wants to be left alone, you need to do so without question.

I recommend you ask your therapist about DBT and distress tolerance so you can work on respecting people's boundaries without stalking or getting in trouble.

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Default Mar 15, 2023 at 07:41 AM
  #22
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Originally Posted by ruby2023 View Post
I never intended to come across that way. I only meant to be nice back to those who liked me and treated me nicely. I was ALOT nicer to certain people than to everyone else cuz those few people were my favorites. Shouldn’t they be flattered?

It’s cost me every job I ever had and my current one is in jeopardy
I thought you were done asking these questions, you keep asking the same thing and obsessing over the same people. It's not flattering, it is downright creepy and disrespectful. You need to talk to a therapist, this has gone way past what we can handle. Also you seem to expect us to give you different advice and side with you, I know this is going to sound incredibly harsh but no one is going to change their viewpoint. You need to realize how creepy you're coming off and stop obsessing over others, you are so lucky no one has pressed charges or at least have a restraining order against you and that's probably because you have a disorder so people are cutting you a break.
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Default Mar 30, 2023 at 01:22 AM
  #23
It's important to treat everyone with kindness and respect, regardless of whether or not they treat you the same way. Playing favorites can create a toxic work environment and make others feel excluded or undervalued. It's understandable that you may have thought you were being nice, but it's important to be mindful of how your actions and behavior may be perceived by others. It's unfortunate that this has caused you problems in the past, and it's important to learn from those experiences and strive to do better moving forward. If your current job is in jeopardy, it's important to take responsibility for your actions and make efforts to improve your behavior and relationships with your coworkers.
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Default Mar 30, 2023 at 08:19 PM
  #24
It sounds like things are hard for you. Even though it's natural to want to be nicer to people who are nice to you, it's important to be kind and respectful to everyone in a professional setting. Your actions could be seen as favoritism or discrimination, which could get you in trouble at work.

It might help to think about why you feel like you have to pick favorites and work on treating everyone the same. Also, try to build good relationships with all of your coworkers, not just the ones you like best. Good luck!
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Default Apr 02, 2023 at 04:52 AM
  #25
It’s just been really frustrating that I scare off ALL my favorite people. She’s the 8th one since I came to this town all these years ago. I tend to favorite those who been super nice to me. And they had all indeed started off liking me.

I’m now pushing 5 years at my mcdonalds location. I also previously worked at another mcdonalds store but thst lasted only a year cuz my favorite person stopped scheduling me any hours. She found me too much. And at both stores, managers and crew friend each other on social media and message each other outside work.

At both locations, my favorite person deleted me but they still friend my coworkers. It’s sad that they stopped liking me
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Default Apr 02, 2023 at 01:05 PM
  #26
What could you do differently to avoid scaring people off?
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Default Apr 02, 2023 at 01:28 PM
  #27
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What could you do differently to avoid scaring people off?
They all said I don't give them space. But i never really understood how exactly I didn't give them space until after they stopped liking me. I coulda prolly refrained from whining and complaining to my current favorite person, but I didn't understand until the past Christmas.

She transferred in to my store January last year, so it's been 15 months now. Her first 6 months here she was at her best. She had me and several others on snapchat. She used to send me snaps regularly, including evenings and weekends. I remember back in May, I was in a bad place and she messaged me almost 9 at night saying if I need to vent or talk to someone, I could talk to her.

So I did. During the summer, I told her my personal problems for 8 days straight. It was about various coworkers past and present who either yelled at me or wanted me to do a job another way. How was I supposed to know that was too much?
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Default Apr 02, 2023 at 07:14 PM
  #28
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How was I supposed to know that was too much


I wonder if there is any way to apologize or tell her what you have learned and now understand so much better?
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Default Apr 03, 2023 at 12:24 AM
  #29
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I wonder if there is any way to apologize or tell her what you have learned and now understand so much better?
I never wanted to apologize cuz I didn’t understand how I was whining and not talking about problems like normal person. So over the next several months, I intensified what she said not to do.
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Default Apr 03, 2023 at 05:07 AM
  #30
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I never wanted to apologize cuz I didn’t understand how I was whining and not talking about problems like normal person.
Now that you understand things better, what would you think of apologizing to her?
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Default Apr 07, 2023 at 06:43 AM
  #31
Maybe try keeping personal real life problems out of the workplace? Just discuss work with colleagues and make other friends outside of work?
 
 
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Default Apr 10, 2023 at 10:54 AM
  #32
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Maybe try keeping personal real life problems out of the workplace? Just discuss work with colleagues and make other friends outside of work?
I agree with this, it's so cringy seeing coworkers talk about their personal life at work. It's one thing if you ask a coworker how their weekend was to a certain extent but to divulge your personal life is just weird, they don't need to know and they don't care.
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Default Apr 10, 2023 at 08:16 PM
  #33
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Now that you understand things better, what would you think of apologizing to her?
This assumes a better understanding.....are you sure that really exists? By the question asked in the title I wonder.

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Default Apr 11, 2023 at 03:17 AM
  #34
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I agree with this, it's so cringy seeing coworkers talk about their personal life at work. It's one thing if you ask a coworker how their weekend was to a certain extent but to divulge your personal life is just weird, they don't need to know and they don't care.
The only exception is if something outside of work is happening, that affects your work during your working hours, for example if you have a family member in the hospital and might need to answer a phone call from the hospital, etc
 
 
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Default Apr 13, 2023 at 01:52 PM
  #35
I tend to favorite those who were really really nice to me. Doesn't everyone? The first half of last year, she was at her very best. She used to give a crap. I remember when she added me and a handful of others on snapchat. Cuz people friend each other on social media at my workplace and at other McDoanld's locations as well by the same owner at least. She used to like me and want me around. And send snaps regularly including evenings and weekends (again normal among everyone I work with). We used to spend our breaks together. And one day I was in a bad place and she voluntarily messaged me in the evening saying if I need to vent or talk to someone, I could talk to her. So I did.

I didn't know that talking about coworker issues (mostly about being yelled at about getting things done) for 8 DAYS STRAIGHT was too much. But I talked to her about that last summer cuz she previously said I could tell her things. On day 8, she called me a whiner and ignored me basically every other day over the next few weeks. She also didn't sent me a snigle snap for a few weeks straight. And over the next several months, whenever I brought her my personal problems, she wouldn't say much of anything. And I just got crazier and crazier. TIl now and I can't cope anymore.

She's several ppl's favorite. How come that's ok? And how come evetyone is allowed to have favorites except me? Everywhere I went
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Default Apr 13, 2023 at 06:20 PM
  #36
Hi ruby,it looks like people don't want to listen to your personal problems too much.And trust me everyone is dealing with some kind of problems in their own lives and trying to resolve issues.While friends or coworkers can lend a sympathetic ear for some time.Who will want too much of others baggage and drain themselves? Think about it.If I am right you mentioned getting fired,right?Why loose your bread and butter over this?What is more important?Keeping your job should be.Right?
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Default Apr 14, 2023 at 02:18 AM
  #37
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Hi ruby,it looks like people don't want to listen to your personal problems too much.And trust me everyone is dealing with some kind of problems in their own lives and trying to resolve issues.While friends or coworkers can lend a sympathetic ear for some time.Who will want too much of others baggage and drain themselves? Think about it.If I am right you mentioned getting fired,right?Why loose your bread and butter over this?What is more important?Keeping your job should be.Right?
Keeping a job is definitely important. I just never understood why I kept losing every job I had simply cuz I had a favorite person. At my current job, she used to give a crap. Otherwise she wouldn't have voluntarily messaged me saying I could talk to her if I ever need to talk to someone.

Then she called me a whiner when I took her up on that. I didn't know 8 days straight was too much so why did I pay the price of doing something I didn't know was wrong? Over The next few months after that, she started acting indifferent every time I told her my problems. Then right before Thanksgiving, I had a breakdown and asked her why she didn't care anymore. That day, she deleted me on snapchat.

And ever since then, no amount of reasoning worked on her. I told her I had 7 other favorite ppl who didn't stay good. By now, she knew all of them by name and from which job they were from.
Possible trigger:
It didn't make my current favorite person wanna stay good.

I told her she's number 8. And pls stay good. And that I was always super nice to her. Whenever I reasoned with her, she seemed to listen and agree, but when it comes to being good like she used to be, she wouldn't actually do it.

I pointed out that to this day, she gave a crap about other ppl's problems. Every time I pointed it out, she said 1, their problems are serious and lots of mine were petty. And 2, they don't tell her their problems ALL THE TIME like I do.

I guess by now, she doesn't even wanna be around me. The past few months, she ignores me on half of those days. The other half, she talks to me like she talks to other ppl that she actually likes, but that was only out of politeness. She stayed good for other ppl, but she wouldn't stay good for me. She's several other ppl's favorite too, but she still stayed good for them.

I'm transferring

Last edited by bluekoi; Apr 17, 2023 at 07:31 PM.. Reason: Add trigger code.
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Default Apr 14, 2023 at 07:11 PM
  #38
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I never wanted to apologize cuz I didn’t understand how I was whining and not talking about problems like normal person. So over the next several months, I intensified what she said not to do.
Ruby, you react to people's negative responses to you by rebelling, when in fact, you have overstepped people's personal and professional boundaries. Telling your manager your personal problems for 8 days straight is far too much for a manager to bear. She did invite you to talk, but that means perhaps one or two times only. You have to limit yourself and adjust your communications based on the response you get. If a response encourages you to continue venting, it's a green light to vent more. But of the response is short and sweet and ends the conversation, then you must adapt and end the conversation. Also, it's best not to share personal problems, unless they are interfering with your ability to perform or work your scheduled days.

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Default Apr 14, 2023 at 07:18 PM
  #39
ruby, I think some kind of professional counsellor could help. Seems like you may not be seeing subtle social cues
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Default Apr 15, 2023 at 08:46 AM
  #40
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The only exception is if something outside of work is happening, that affects your work during your working hours, for example if you have a family member in the hospital and might need to answer a phone call from the hospital, etc
In that case yes I agree. The most I've ever divulged is me having to attend a funeral for a grandparent but otherwise I don't go into detail.
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