Why do people get so uncomfortable when I obsess over them?

You are failing to see your repeated pattern of poor clingy behavior, your behavior has crossed over into obsessive stalking territory. You obsessed over a manager at Arby's by saying her name many many times a day, then you got mad at her for pushing her away. You dump all your personal problems on other managers at various places of employment, you even talk about other coworkers which is extremely unprofessional. You believe that it's okay to act the way you are, you are failing to notice that people don't want to hear your problems. Just because someone says it's okay to vent doesn't mean it really is okay, most people say they're okay with it out of politeness and they'll avoid you if you vent to them about everything under the sun and make it all about you.

Also you dont know what the other person has going on, they could be seriously worried about a sick child or something

For example: i have a friend in a different country who emails a lot out of anxiety and needing reassurance, she repeats herself loads and would even email me when she knew i was having to put all my energy into looking after older cat Tigger, who i really thought could die - even despite this, friend was seeking reassurance over stuff i had reassured her about countless times before

Just because someone doesnt say they have something serious to think and worry about, doesnt mean they dont have something to worry over

Maybe off topic but i know my own survival is dependent on my Tiggers problems not getting life threatening

Just saying as a example

Hi ruby,a lot of verbal expressions are part of social etiquette. People say things like how are you doing?Having good time?Are you alright?How is your day?Things like that.It doesn't mean an invitation to dump what ever bad things are going on with us.
What I understood is your boss is nice and you said so.Good managers,bosses or supervisors want their subordinates to be comfortable in the workplace. Hey,if you need anything ,you know where to find me or if you want to talk or need help you can talk to me.That does not mean you can talk about your personal life.She said those nice words regarding if any difficulty arises in the workplace ,you could talk or ask for her help.

Do you have health insurance that would cover a counselor, Ruby?

She messaged me on snapchat later in the evening that if I need to vent or talk to someone, I could talk to her. She saw I was in a bad place so she voluntarily messaged me that. And now, just a couple days ago, a coworker had something crappy happen to her in her personal life. And my Favorite Person gave a crap about HER problem. It's been 6 months since FP gave a crap about mine. And she still has my coworkers on snapchat but deleted me right before Thanksgiving. And one of my coworker went overseas for 3 months and they send each other snaps practically every dAy.

Most of my coworkers (including managers) also deleted me cuz I was always rude to them. But they also continue to friend each other on snap. Same thing had also happened to me (social media wise) at the other mcdonald's location I used to work at. (it was facebook back then). Cuz I dared to have a favorite person like everyone else.

Managers and crew friend each other on social media at all the mcdoanld's stores in this area. But my job coach said I shouldn't partake cuz I can't handle it. Well, they all deleted me so...

She told me right before christmas why I'm a whiner and my coworkers weren't even though we all told her personal problems. So I really didn't understand for 5 months straight when she finally told me. I was penalized for doing things I didn't even know was wrong.

Also, is 8 days straight too much for ANYONE to bear, whether at work or outside work?

To be honest, it sounds like you overwhelm work colleagues with your problems (I might be getting this wrong, its the impression I get from what you've said in this thread)

They likely feel they have to stop talking with you, for their own mental health

I tell my problems ONLY to my favorite person cuz I liked her the best. She was so very good back then. Ppl who gave a crap generally are good. Eventually she said she gets overwhelmed when I whine and complain.

All my other coworkers delete me cuz I treated them like crap. I’m jealous that everyone else gets to have a favorite person except me. And I had nowhere to put my anger even if I wasn’t jealous

Everyone that ever cared about me eventually walked out on me. The next one will as well. Nothing’s ever gonna change

You have the power to change YOUR behavior and that will change how people react to you.

I agree with Nammu. Change can happen, but only if it comes from you.

THIS. It's exactly how I feel about Ruby's situation too.


Ruby, things won't change unless you decide to change.

Yep I agree, there's a lot more going in other people's lives than most realize. Most people just don't show it, dumping all your crap on someone is definitely energy draining. I'll admit I used to think it was okay to vent a lot but not to the point of being obsessive, those people started pulling away. I stopped immediately, I learned it wasn't okay so I haven't done it since. In the rare cases I do vent now, it's super brief and I usually wind up retracting what I said later on by saying everything is actually fine now so I'm not seen as a complainer in another person's eyes.

Yep and I'll admit, I learned this the hard way myself when I was in high school. I wasn't obsessive but I did vent to those who said it's okay to open up, they clearly didn't like that so I stopped immediately. Work is no different, coworkers and supervisors don't want to hear the negative stuff in your life. It's one thing to share news of a wedding or something else really positive but even that should be on a basic level, anything negative just brings everyone down.

As other posters have mentioned, just because someone says you can vent to them doesn't mean it's okay to. Most people say that out of politeness and they secretly hope you don't actually vent to them about your problems, trust me I learned that the hard way when I was in high school and I wasn't even obsessive. I know it sounds harsh but no one wants to hear about your problems, even people outside the workplace usually don't want to hear it and will pull away as necessary. The reason your coworkers like each other is because they most likely don't divulge their negative personal lives to each other, maybe they'll talk about the positive stuff which is more acceptable but the negative stuff needs to be kept outside the workplace.

Divulging your personal life creates a toxic environment, it brings others down and even makes others uncomfortable. When you're at work, you're expected to be focused on work and actually doing your job. It sounds like you're doing everything but your job, you're so focused on your personal life that you can't even do the basic stuff your employer expects you to do. Also telling someone that they're their 8th favorite person is just so toxic and rude, I would've pulled away too and telling someone they better stay good actually comes off as threatening so they have every right to stay far away from you and you need legitimate professional help from a licensed therapist.

Another example: I keep personal stuff out of the workplace, and when my angel Ebony died in my arms at the vets, that was one of the only two times I told the supervisors at work anything about what was going on, thats simply due to the fact I was in such turmoil inside of me, I wasn't able to do all my work at the speed I normally work at, I had to keep giving myself a few minutes to calm myself so I could carry on with my work.

The friend I said about in my posts, tbh I'm having to actually pull back myself cause the more reassurance I give her, the more she seems to need. I can't give her the amount of emotional support she needs, it sounds like its the same with you at your place of work, ruby. Everyone's pulling away because they are unable to give you the amount of help and support you need. I would be there for my friend as much as I could, but it's reaching the point with her that I can't give her anything more cause she's draining so much mental energy out of me.

Thats why I think if you need high levels of support, its best to speak to a professional, not rely on people who are not trained in mental health, to give you all the support you need.

Rather than overwhelm others that you work with, why not post here or somewhere else where you are anonymous.

You can even start your posts with "Dear X (colleague's job title)" and post away what you would like to share with them. That way others can engage with you or not. They can choose if they want to read your posts.
No one gets overwhelmed, and you can talk about whatever is bothering you. You never know, you may get some great feedback on how to deal with whatever is bothering you.

There are people here who have great insight and a desire to help others. Take advantage of that.

Good suggestion rocky

Dear ruby,if you didn't like what ever posters were suggesting ,what is that you expect to happen in your situation? I mean what could be the solution according to you?Just curious.