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Account Suspended
Member Since Mar 2023
Location: hell
Posts: 19
1 |
#1
I never intended to come across that way. I only meant to be nice back to those who liked me and treated me nicely. I was ALOT nicer to certain people than to everyone else cuz those few people were my favorites. Shouldn’t they be flattered?
It’s cost me every job I ever had and my current one is in jeopardy |
ArmorPlate108, Bill3, mote.of.soul
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Grand Member
Member Since Nov 2015
Location: Michigan
Posts: 846
8 86 hugs
given |
#2
Many of us have gone over why when you used to post about it before. You need a therapist to assist you with this-it goes way beyond what anyone here can help with.
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lizardlady, rechu, seesaw
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Account Suspended
Member Since Mar 2023
Location: hell
Posts: 19
1 |
#3
Making REAL effort not to come across that way. I don’t talk to her every chance as i get, but I been guilty of whining to her before. And it took until after she deleted me on social media before she finally explained what exactly was wrong. And now sometimes I slip up and sometimes I don’t. And I get bad results when I do only for her to come back around a few days later.
It’s been a roller coaster |
Bill3
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,451
(SuperPoster!)
9 1,279 hugs
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#4
We discussed with you many times that it’s not flattering for people at all. Especially not on the job. It doesn’t matter why people don’t like it. They just don’t.
Talk to your therapist and case manager about it if you need more help understanding it |
Anonymous32448
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Molinit
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Crone
Member Since May 2010
Location: Some where between my inner mind and the solar system.
Posts: 71,576
(SuperPoster!)
14 53.8k hugs
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#5
You keep on asking the same question hoping someone will give you the answer you want to hear. You need to accept that your behavior is out of line, and you need to change that behavior if you want a different outcome.
__________________ Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
Anonymous32448, jesyka
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 39,980
(SuperPoster!)
12 66.6k hugs
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#6
You cant be super nice to some people and then rude to other people. People wont trust you, and they wont like you.
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*Beth*, Mountaindewed, seesaw
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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#7
When your at work you do need to be nice to the customers and your colleagues - even when you don't like them
Last edited by Anonymous32448; Mar 08, 2023 at 04:11 PM.. Reason: why is there a stray m in my post cause i didnt put it there |
*Beth*, Bill3, OafFish
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Grand Member
Member Since Aug 2019
Location: Here
Posts: 907
4 807 hugs
given |
#8
When people discuss about you,the inconsistency in your behaviour may be noticed. People will find it weird that you have different behaviours with different people.I mean I am not suggesting you be nice with toxic people.But if you pick some to treat well not others,that's noticeable.
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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#9
Quote:
cause you never know if by being unkind to them, you might be painting a target on your back |
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*Beth*
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*Beth*, Bill3, WovenGalaxy
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Account Suspended
Member Since Mar 2023
Location: hell
Posts: 19
1 |
#10
Her only problem with me the past 6 months is that I’m always “whining and complaining” to her. It just took a few months to understand and that’s only when she finally told me in December. But it’s only now that it totally sinks in. I push back against things I don’t understand.
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unaluna
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Magnate
Member Since Sep 2013
Posts: 2,017
10 |
#11
There is a difference between ''being nice'' and ''obsessing'' over someone. Obsession is scary and unhealthy.
These people might not like you back or not want your attention. They are 'uncomfortable' because they want you to leave them alone. You not respecting their boundaries is not 'flattering', it is scary and disrespectful. The message is clear: you have lost jobs and the current one is at stake. So, stop doing what is costing you jobs and relationships. Seek help. |
*Beth*
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Poohbah
Member Since Jul 2022
Location: The Far West
Posts: 1,226
1 |
#12
I think attention needs to be equal and fair. If two people feel the same about each other it's fair and generally healthy. If it's one sided or off balance, I think people sense that it's wrong and can be unwelcome
I think you can't make someone want something they just don't want, that includes attention |
Bill3
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Grand Member
Member Since Aug 2019
Location: Here
Posts: 907
4 807 hugs
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#13
If she has a problem with your whining and complaining, you have your answer right there.Refect on your own behaviours and see if you are whining and complaining too much and driving people away who are nice to you.
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lizardlady
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Legendary
Member Since Mar 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 10,926
15 24.1k hugs
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#14
Quote:
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*Beth*, lizardlady, Molinit, OafFish, WovenGalaxy
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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
(SuperPoster!)
4 23.7k hugs
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#15
I don't know your history, so I'm kind-of guessing at it. I can give you an example from my own life. A while ago I had a friend who I really liked and respected. But she pushed for more of a friendship from me than I could give. Eventually, she wanted so much time and attention that it felt like I was being smothered. Like my time wasn't my own. I felt overwhelmed. My friend's behavior began to remind me of my mother when I was growing up. Manipulating and very needy.
By "obsessing" do you mean needy and smothering, maybe? __________________ |
Anonymous32448, Bill3
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Bill3
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Human
Member Since Apr 2014
Location: Home
Posts: 8,348
(SuperPoster!)
10 1,274 hugs
given |
#16
Quote:
__________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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*Beth*
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*Beth*, lizardlady
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New Member
Member Since Mar 2023
Location: New York
Posts: 4
1 |
#17
It's important to treat everyone with kindness and respect, regardless of whether or not they treat you the same way. Playing favorites can create a toxic work environment and make others feel excluded or undervalued. It's understandable that you may have thought you were being nice, but it's important to be mindful of how your actions and behavior may be perceived by others. It's unfortunate that this has caused you problems in the past, and it's important to learn from those experiences and strive to do better moving forward. If your current job is in jeopardy, it's important to take responsibility for your actions and make efforts to improve your behavior and relationships with your coworkers.
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New Member
Member Since Mar 2023
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 3
1 |
#18
It sounds like things are hard for you. Even though it's natural to want to be nicer to people who are nice to you, it's important to be kind and respectful to everyone in a professional setting. Your actions could be seen as favoritism or discrimination, which could get you in trouble at work.
It might help to think about why you feel like you have to pick favorites and work on treating everyone the same. Also, try to build good relationships with all of your coworkers, not just the ones you like best. Good luck! |
Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,451
(SuperPoster!)
9 1,279 hugs
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#19
I think in work environment we have to behave certain way no matter how and what we feel. It’s not easy but if we want to keep a job, we must suck it up and it’s better to keep interactions neutral
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ArmorPlate108, Molinit, OafFish, Tart Cherry Jam
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Member
Member Since Mar 2022
Location: In the west
Posts: 400
2 994 hugs
given |
#20
I also am not familiar with your history, but this is what comes to my mind:
In some of the self-improvement I've been doing recently, they use the term "fawn." Perhaps this is what you are doing? You fawn over certain people in an attempt to build closer relationships? No, people don't like it, work or not, and for some of us, that can be hard to understand- especially if no one much fawns over us and we'd like a little of that from time to time. One self help person I follow says that those of us who have trouble with relationships tend to do the four F's. Those are fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. None of them are good. We engage too quickly on an emotional level. Detaching and learning/ practicing good boundaries are good places to start. Do you go to counseling or engage in self improvement practices otherwise? |
*Beth*
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