What on EARTH! happened to this friendship? am I being ghosted by them?

I've posted perviously of this friend, however this is a update from then. I have mention the history here just for those that don't know about it) thank you

This is my experience with a friend and I feel I have done some thing "wrong" but when I look at the facts I haven't.

I'm also trying to understand what on earth happened to the friendship. I feel confused and this false sense of guilt.

Basically I reconnect with a friend from high school and at first I notice they told me their parent was dying from cancer sadly.
I felt sorry for her and how tough that must be, since her parent was young.

At first when we hang out I didn't take note, but they did say small things towards me that were digs. For example I mention how my ankle is funny because couple years ago I fell and broke my ankle. They told me my legs are werid. Which is odd thing to say if you mention Hey I broke my ankle and still having trouble with it.

I do recalled at the very begining how she told me if she doesn't like someone anyone she stops talking to them. (I thought that was odd, instead of working it out with that person)

I suggested we do a art class together and we did a online art class for kids, once a week.
We take turns, so she did one Saturday and the fellowing week it be my turn. We did it through zoom.
At first she seems supportive in the friendship and to do the art class.
For example she helped me with my work CV and my partners.
I gave her a small gift of chocolate to say thank you.

She built my confience it seemed.

I supported her and listen to her troubles.From her parent sadly passing away to her siblings troubles and work troubles and her anxiety.
I once gave her this calming tea to help for her anxiety. Or mention mindfullness.
I was there when she cried about her dad passing away. I watched through zoom the funeral because it was lockdown at that time.
I sent her flowers.
If I didn't hear from her say couple of days I began to worry, and when we have our catch up after our art classes through zoom she would lay out her issues to me.
I was emotionally infested with her and not realizing at all I was being used.
She even told me I should become a therapist at one point.

We would catch up for caffee and talk and the art class or go out for cocktail drinks.

However over time.... so maybe after 6 months it slowly faded.

They stopped responding to my texts as often at first it was 3 days then it became a week. I would worry I upset her or she wasn't in a good space. However I found out she was busy dating guys from Tinder and I wasted my time worrying about her.

I recalled we did a competition for the class to win a prize. It was my idea firstly however she keep having the last say. Meaning instead of picking one of the kids in our class to win, it had to be someone that was outside of the class. Her reason was to bring them into our art class. Well that didn't work because they didn't. She also said I had to pick the person who looked pretty much "poor". Well she picked the person. I then had to send the prize and it cost $18 to be sent and I told my friend the cost and she never paid her half!

I did notice I began doing everything for our socal media page. From videos to posts to even creating her own event page every week when it was her turn!!
I started to feel frustrated, annoyed.

It did became a issue with the response of messages meaning if it was art class related request I wanted her to do ,she didn't got back to me for over a week and only 10mins before class started that she messaged.
It was a simple request it was just stating if she could stick to teach them the fundamental drawings so the kids won't get confused.
The reason why I said this is because we did a in person art class. I was approached by this community centre to do a art class for the kids and I involved my friend as well.
However!! I will point out! I pretty much did all the leg work. From looking at the class rooms which one would be best, to creating the social media event page and banner. To reminding her even on the day before the class to print out our art flyers. I even had to remind her to do bank statement to send to community centre! There was a whole big thing about that too. My friend had this THING! we had to do it for free the class in person. However I wanted us to get paid, because of the time putting in the class together and figuring out how to teach it and petrol. The community centre dude offer to pay us $40, my friend told me to ask the dude is the $40 for each? The dude told me $40 is for us to share and we can split.
My friend told me I should've negotiated better. I felt ashamed and guilty and it ruminated my mind for weeks!

My friend refused to take the $40 and we'll ..the community centre never gave us the $40!

Anyway when we did the art class in person. My friend didn't do much, she just stand and take photos didn't bother to help the kids if they were struggling to draw. My partner who was there for support actually help the kids that were struggling.

My friend wanted to there own in person art class and I was thinking oh hell no I be doing everything. They wanted more kids in class I suggested less so we can help the kids, however my friend disagreed and was more looking at numbers than quailty of teaching.

After that event that's when she slowly faded in replying to my texts even more so.
At the time they were going to therapy and I notice they suddenly stop talking to me about their work problems or family life issues or their greif with their parent that passed away. My friend told me how it was great they were getting "vaildated". I've been to therapy myself and never once I thought to myself "Oh it's great to get vaildated". I thought it was a odd comment.
The reason why it bothered me is because I realised that they were only talking to me about their problems and getting vaildation from me, I didn't realised this at the time. I thought what I was doing was being a good friend.


I eventually built the strength to message them this because I was starting to build resentment and bitterness with the whole art class and doing everything alone.

I said this
"Hi,
How are you? I haven't heard from you for a while, so I hope everything is going well in your neck of your woods.
I've been thinking about art class and what I want to focus on with teaching, I've noticed there seems to be a high demand for reading classes of history.
I got this feedback from Rory from community centre and what the parents were telling him, what they were looking for. As well that one girl in the art class we did, how the mother asked if we do anything else. I also thought it was important since there is lost of knowledge here .As I've discussed this with my art mentor. So I feel strongly and passionate to help the kids with their art, as it can be hard to seek resources and teach yourself.
I would prefer to focus on teaching the art class for a small group of kids so they can get the attention they need. I don't want to over-commit myself to too many classes and would like to step away from the free reading classes, so I can focus solidly on the fundamental art class.
It will take a lot of time of research and finding what will be easy for the kids to digest from looking through adult art fundamental books, as and doing it kinda like a course so they can take in the information about what they need to learn.
I do value our friendship and what we've done with reading class and I appreciate your help and your kindness you've shared with me, it means a lot.I would like to continue to spend time with you going forward. I know recently the time we've spent together has been around att Class and I don't want to lose you as a friend, or not see you anymore. Can we still orgainse to me up, for example once a month kinda thing."

They reply back with this
"Awww babe

This reads like you spent ages thinking about how to explain your decision - you don't need to!
Of course we're friends beyond art class you goose.
Yes, if this is what you want to do, then do it
I'll take over reading class and see how long i want to keep it going, cos it's not a forever thing for me, either.
And flip yes we must meet up once a month for a gossip etc"

I replied back and felt a bit defences when they said to me "you spent ages thinking about how to explain your decision"
Which wasn't really the case it was more to do with me being very clear because of my past challenges with friends.

I replied back and said
oh, I was trying to find the words to express and explain myself. ☺️
I didn't want to hurt your feelings or anything like that, that all.

You okay to do it alone with the art class?
I don't know if your upset or bothered me pulling out?
I just want to make sure you are okay.

Yes excatly drinks.
oh must ask why was that dude a dud?
was he creepy?

My friend responded and said

"Nah I'm not upset. Like I said, this isn't forever for me, too. But I'd like to keep going for a bit, so I will.
No, just a raging disappointment. He cancelled a date TWICE last Sunday, both times only letting me know half an hour beforehand. Then promised to make it up to me but ignored me for a week. Basically slow fading me.
So he is no more.

With the messaging

My friend told me once how they forget to reply to people. It's not personal.

I said "yeah I notice that, you seem to reply in the evenings." After I said that, she suddenly stopped replying to me in the evenings

At first my friend started from replying to me often to a couple days in-between. Then the days went to a week or 2 weeks, I notice if you send more than one message then they would reply so say 3 messages. But now they don't anymore.

I recalled when it was their birthday last year and I offer we go out for drinks and I did a protrait of them. I do art on the side so I thought it was a nice gift. They seem to really like it.

When it was my birthday, they forgot didn't got me anything or said anything.
When we meet a month after my birthday they said they forgot it was birthday and thought buying me a smoothie be okay???
Basically at that time I mention about our art class and told her how it got too much with the socail media and it was taking over my life and the art that was important to me. I said I felt sad and alone.
Instead of empathize she said to me cut and dry
"Well I told you work comes first for me"
I was a bit stunned what she said. I don't even recalled or remember her telling me this.
I told my sibling and they know me, I can recall a converstation word by word. And if she did say that my sibling would know! I would've been upset and told them all about.

So I felt a bit confused and started questioning my self. Did she said? pretty sure she didn't.

Anyway,
I told her how I felt like I was doing everything and she to me up front up "Yeah it's true you did everything" I said to her "So you knew" and she said "Yes it's not secert".

I was shocked and angry at her. I didn't show the emotions or spoke out. It seem my emotion delayed and it was only when I got home what she said was ruminating in my mind and I was wondering why I was bothered by it.

I question and wondered but why would you continue to let your friend to do everything?

My friend said some things that are odd and I thought maybe it be worth to sharing to give a idea of this friend.

My friend told me how before they reach to the age of 10, they thought they were better than everyone else, but realised that they had no friends. So they started to make friends. Which is odd ,what kid at the age of ten think they are ebetter than everyone else that you don't make friends??

My silbling whom we catch bus from school to home with my friend. They would pointed out how they found them odd. I asked how? So they made up a example which was say if you brought yourself a t.shirt and say hey look at my new shirt! my friend would be in response "I don't like that shirt".
My silbling explain to me that my friend reminds them Sheldon from the Big Bang tv series. In the sense of how Sheldon isn't aware of socail cues or people emotions.

I asked my other friend about them and they said they always appeared "smart".

Anyway my friend told me their longest realtionship is 5 months and how whenever they go out on a date with some dude, they eventually get annoyed with them and complain about them to their friends. Then breaks up with them because they need to get them off them.
I suggested why not tell them what annoys you then? and my friend said "Oh no I can't do that".

They go on Tinder and date men left, right and centre. They say there is no spark with that person and would happily just drop them like a hot potatoe. They seem I guess confused because they told me how they spoke about this to their sibling's husband when they were dating some dude at the time and said there was no spark.

The hot potatoe examples would be like.
Example be they dated this guy for a month.I asked how's your boyfriend? and they said they wouldn't call them there boyfriend. I thought that was a bit odd. When I meet them last time they were already looking for guys on Tinder and said that the guy was too touchy and didn't like them stroking their hand. And how they would think they were in trouble by the way there friend told them jokes.

I didn't hear them during Christmas hoildays so I asked to hang out.
Which we did
My friend told me how there friend was hooking them up with there friend, but my friend didn't seem that thrill about it.

Afterwards in messager we should go out to this place I found for cocktails. They said this ",Yes let's, but I'm on budget".
Well....fellowing week I was on my Instagram scrolling as you. Next I saw a post of her hanging out with this friend. So much for a budget. They have a full time job and earn a lot and they live at home, so it's not like they are working at some job and not making things meet. I felt upset, I felt lied to and rejected by her.

I asked later on as well how it went they said this "Yeah! I never met the guy so no worries. I'm just back on tinder having chats there"

my response was
"oh fair enough won't be odd. Was the dude odd?

Oh yep ☺️ have you thought it's just a suggestion like a professional dating set up. So the people help you find someone but with your personatily ? My cousin did that and now he is getting married. I thought it might help?

my friend response "No the dude wasn't odd, he looked totally normal. You don't know how these things can be set up if 2 third parties are managing it, so im not fussed. I'm not keen on a professional dating site to be honest. I can get dates, I'm just picky and I know it"

I respondes with this but got no response"2 third parties are managing it? you mean the professional dating? Do you know what you are looking for excatly?maybe we should go by star signs match. So you are Gemini so.... your match would be"

until later on saying it's not there thing.

Regards for a friend being there.
Yeah no.
Earlier on I told them how I had a hard time with a pervious friend who bullied me badly and wanted to reconnect with me and I was debating should I? I spoke to them online but they wanted to meet face to face. And how I saw them walking by one time in my car because they came overseas and I live nearby their parents house.
So I told my friend how I had these flash backs memories.

They didn't reply or responded to that message but the other message they did.

I told them how I was doing therapy and I broke down crying because a song triggered me and brought back feelings of my parent leaving the family.
They said this "Ohh you ok? Did a bit of a cry help?"

I replied back and I said I'm okay and explain a bit what was going on..They saw my message and never replied back at all.
I found a funny picture and sent it to them never replied back.

It's been a month and they haven't replied back to me at all.

What's your thoughts of this friend?
are they ghosting me?
why would someone use someone for vadilation and just drop them like the a hot potatoe? why help me and be kind to me at the begining and slowly go cold?
I'm so confused.

Any insights would be appericate and thank you for reading this long message and taking your time to read it as well.

Unless I am losing my mind, I think I’ve read exact same thread with all the same details before. In fact more than once. Am I wrong? You asked the same questions before and received suggestions re art class and not responding to messages and all other issues. It’s unlikely that you’ll get different responses every time.

It doesn’t sound like your old friend is interested in a deep friendship. She seems ok with occasional messages but nothing more than that. I am sorry you are hurting as it sounds like you want to keep friendship going. She just doesn’t seem interested. I’d step back and give her space

Many people maintain high school friendships but many move on with their lives. I remained friends with two high school classmates. But just two. Not all of them.

I’d not try to analyze her dating patterns. It’s her business. And it doesn’t seem fair. Am not sure why you give her dating advice. It seems unsolicited and is perhaps offensive. You tell her to date based on astrological sign? Why? Did she ask for dating advice? Actually as I recall from previous threads you often give her advice about her life as well as judge how she does things. I wonder if it contributes to her lack of interest in friendship. People don’t want advice unless they asked for it

It’s probably time to look for new friends. You can’t make people be your friends. Just because someone is nice and help you, it doesn’t mean they want to be close friends or want unsolicited advice about their life.

Is it easy to make friends? No. But nothing in life is easy. I also recommend therapy and perhaps someone like life coach?. It would be very beneficial

This friendship has run its course. I may have said this last time you posted about it.

Time to move on from this person.

Hi AppleLime,

I'm sorry you are having difficulties. It can be hurtful and confusing when you and someone you care about are not on the same page. I agree with divine 1966 here in that it doesn't seem like she wants the same kind of connection that you do. I know that's difficult to take in, but unfortunately, we can't always expect our friendships or feelings to be reciprocated. Some people enjoy day-to-day contact or even weekly contact, while others aren't interested in maintaining contact on such a frequent basis. I can't help but wonder if it made her uncomfortable when you openly made note of her reply patterns. If someone said to me that they noticed I tended to reply at "x" time, I would feel a bit pressured and uncomfortable that they've been monitoring my habits like this and I would instantly want some space. I know not everyone is me, but I figure it's something worth considering. It sounds like her style of dating is very different from how you would approach things, but I agree again with divine 1966 that it's probably best not to dwell on her dating life. Whatever her style may be, it shouldn't matter or affect you since it's her private life. I understand that she was venting and sharing some of this information with you, but nothing positive will come out of pondering her dating decisions. In this situation, I think the healthiest option for you is to give her space and move on. If she doesn't want to talk to you or maintain a close friendship, there's really nothing more you can do at this point. Instead, you can redirect your efforts toward finding new people who will be interested in forming the same level of friendships you desire. It takes time, but there are people out there who are also looking for a friend who will reciprocate their feelings. Wishing you the best!

yes I've spoken about it before here that's why said this "I've posted perviously of this friend, however this is a update from then. I have mention the history here just for those that don't know about it)
So you not losing your mind haha.

If you read half way it's new stuff.
Me leaving the art class and what she said etc.
How she knew I was doing everything and said it wasn't a secert. And didn't seem to care.

I was taken by her a rollercoaster of her problems..

I haven't spoken to her for a month to see if she would come back to me. Because I was always doing the contacting or ask to hang out. Since she hasn't spoken to me I worry I have done something wrong but if I check the facts I haven't done anything obviously mean.

I just feel used by her emotionally and I wonder if she knew that whole time and when I was no use to her, she was like see ya.

The dating thing, I mention that to give a idea of her personatily. How she drops men she must do it to other friends maybe?

My sister thought maybe she has traits of narc.
Just because she told me at the age of ten she thought she was better than everyone else, so much so she didn't have anything friends until she went to high school.

Yes you already shared how you left art class and what you said.

I don’t think it’s healthy to overanalyze people as most of it just guessing. It’s a waste of time trying to figure out why people do what they do. It’s much healthier to focus on why YOU do what you do.

As about dating, you keep giving her dating advice. Why? It’s uncalled for. Did she ask for it or are you trained professional in match making? No one wants to be told they have to date in some other manner based on someone else’s opinion

I think it’s obvious since you are always the one contacting her and asking to hang out, she just isn’t interested. But she seemed to make an effort to occasionally agree to see you or talk to you. She’s not interested in more than that. It’s not friendship.

You also can’t say that you are providing her with all this help when she doesn’t even ask for it. If you keep calling and when she responds and tells you something about herself, it’s not her dumping her problems on you. It’s you pursuing her and her giving you some attention by keeping a conversation. And honestly none of it sounds like some kind of problems, just every day life.

You also don’t seem to like her. You have so much negative stuff to say about her yet you insist on being friends. Why? Why be friends with someone you have so much judgement about? You even make a judgement that she is on a budget. Making good money and living at home doesn’t mean being rich and can’t be on a budget. You don’t know what people do with their money. Save for a big purchase? Have debt? Plans to travel? Help family out? It’s no one’s business. You can’t make these judgements. Now she is a narcissist because she doesn’t want to be friends? And because she said something when she was 10? None of it makes one a narcissist

Let her go. Stop pursuing her. Give her space and move on with your life. Please talk to your therapist how to stop obsessing about these high school friends. It takes so much of your energy. You can put that energy into other things. Maybe go to school or a hobby or a job or exercise or house work or take a class to learn something. Stay busy. Ask your therapist on how to move on

The above was my thought when I read the descriptions of the interactions. That you don’t really seem to like anything about her and actually look down on her in many ways.

Stop chasing this person.

I feel like you are giving too much head space to this one friend. Thinking too much about her all the time,dissecting and analyzing her behaviours at a micro level. Why are you obsessing over her?It looks like she moved onto present and you are stuck in the past.I don't think highschool friendships are that mature,but can be cute memories.Some times,one or two can be carried forward and can become mature adult friendships.I just have one from my teenage years.But I donot expect too much.We talk once in a while.Thats all .Try to develop some new friendships. She may not be interested in you as much as you are.And you need to respect that.

Are you receiving any treatment for OCD you mention you have? In addition to therapy. Were you officially diagnosed?

My husband has severe OCD. He is not obsessing over people but his OCD is safety related. The kind of unless you turn the key exact number of times, you can’t leave the house because the house will be on fire or something else scary. He has to be on low dose of meds or he cannot work or function successfully.

Are you able to work? How do you function in other areas of your life? Have your doctor/therapist suggests any medication to cope with OCD? It could do wonders by removing the edge so you can lead productive life. OCD isn’t easy but what have you tried to get it under control? How helpful is your therapist when you share your obsessions with people?

I don’t know if you realize but it seems like while you are obsessing over these friends, they live their lives. Might not be up to your standard like not dating the right way or not doing something right with their money, but they have lots going on. Like this friend works, dates, socializes and has hobbies she enjoys (isn’t she the one you were upset that she baked cakes on the weekends instead of something you thought she should be doing?)

You might need help of your doctor and therapist to get yourself in a better place when you can also be busy with your life rather than analyzing other people’s lives.

oh yes I was officially diagnosed with OCD at the age of 11.
I did have therapy for that it was related when I was kid more the magic thinking that's one of the terms DSM 5 book calls it.
I was afarid as a child things were going to put curses on me and I would have to pray to God etc. and germs was a issue as well.
Not anymore.

Sorry to hear about husband it must be really hard for him and for you at times.

Okay so.... to be honsent I have been on a wild journey with my therapy for about 8 years.
Meaning it went from student therapist who had no idea what he was doing and made my symptoms worse for a good 2 years of hell.
I didn't have much choice in changing therapy because it was provided by the public mental health system from goverment. So what ever you were given you were stuck with. The student therapist go to get too was mindfullness and that was it, not joking.He told I had to do it for a hour. I told him I did it for 5 mins to start off but he was upset with me and was like Nope! you have to do it hour. I manage to get to 45mins of mindfullness. He told me I wasn't doing the work apparently to him. He told me my mum shouldn't of had kids. At the time I was living at home with my mum and his great idea was for me to camp outside in a tent. Because I didn't go along with my mother. If I said hey I don't think this therapy is working he would say "I'm a bad therapist". It was hell on earth with this therapist and I have never experience anything like this with a therapist.
At the end I ended up going to my GP doctor and they rang the public mental health system and they asked what I wanted I said I needed a therapist now. Because that student therapist without warning just got up left,.meaning he graduated but didn't say when was leaving.

Then I was given a wonderful therapist that knew what she was doing.
She said I had traits of emotional dsyregulation, so BPD. But towards the end of our therapy she believed I had more traits of PSTD than actually BPD.
She help me a lot and I'm great ful for that.
I had to be discharged by them because the people further up pressure the therapist to discharged their clients. My therapist made up stuff to keep me on but it can go oh so far.

I had to find my own therapist which was hard. I found one but she did psychodymaic therapy which is what my student therapist did and I notice I started to feel a lot worse.

I then search on Google and through someone online recommend me this therapist I have now. Who does DBT, and EMDR therapy.

So I've been seeing her for 2 years now.
The working situation,so that's pretty much related to PSTD. Which prevents me from working because I try twice last year but had panic attacks and flash backs of the past losing my job.
Now my therapist decided okay let's do EMDR therapy.
That's where I am with jobs.

I don't have a lot of friends, I was bullied pretty badly at school as I had to change schools. As at Uni.
It takes me a lot to trust someone so with this friend just drop me and I did everything I could do to be a good friend in my eyes and what I learnt in therapy to vaildate them and be there for them. It really affected me. I think now ,oh no one likes me what's the point making friends. I just be left dissapointed again, meaning they just stop talking me. Why put myself through that again.

Okay I mention the dating thing, to explain her behaviour with other people. It's not about my standard or anything like that.
What I mean was hey, so she treats people like this in dating and I was treated kinda the same. In the sense of suddenly stop talking to me and drop like a hot potatoe.
So I was trying to make sense of the whole thing. Because I feel ghosted by her. I didn't do anything obviously mean to her to ghost me.
The baking thing, it's not about her baking.
It's about when I was doing everything for the art classes to the point I couldn't do even my own art or my own stuff and she wasn't helping. She was on about oh work so was much to do, but she was baking or dating men, so she did have time to help me. But she didn't care!!
And that is upsetting and hurtful.

Because when I confronted her about this
I said "So you knew I was doing everything". And she said "Yes it wasn't a secert"

So she didn't felt guilty or anything I was doing everything.

Also I told her I felt lonely and sad doing everything and she said "Well I told you work comes first for me".
I was shocked by her answer I didn't know how to respond. I told my therapist and she said it was invalidating of her to make that comment.
I told my sister and she said how does that related to what you were experience her comment is disconnect.
Plus she never told me her work comes first.

I hope that makes sense what I've written and be less confusion.

There is a zero reason for you to be sorry for my husband lol He is well adjusted successful professional and doing great. I used him as an example that you could lead a great life if you use treatments available. If he chose to not do anything about it, it would not be as great. I understand if treatment isn’t available for you. That’s why I ask.

There is no confusion on anything you posted. As many of us suggested, let this person go and give her space. Stop giving her dating advice and stop pursuing her. Don’t call and don’t text and doesn’t matter why she’s not interested. Stop analyzing her

You were given HER dating advice. Bad idea. Don’t do that to people unless they ask for your expertise

Yes she’d rather bake cakes and date men than help with classes she wasn’t interested in. It’s a reality. It was more interesting for her. She’d rather do that. It’s fine. Accept it. Move on. That class is over with. She’s not interested. Let her be

People have priorities in life.It looks like you are not a top priority for her.You donot have other friends. She may be feeling choked by you as she has other things going on in her life.

yeah I do not feel understood or heard talking to you.

maybe...I just feel hurt that's all..
I helped her and when I ask for her help there was none..I just felt used and was taken a ride of her emotional roller coaster ride.
You know.
Then to be competetly ignored like this is hurtful.
I find it hard to move on.I am senestivie to rejection. due to my upbrining and BPD is like a bad combination if someone stops talking to you for no reason. I don't call her or anything. and I haven't message her for a month now.
I'm not sure if it's my BPD that's been triggered by her. Or maybe EMDR therapy making it bring up to the surface you know.

I understand you are hurt.People behave in different ways.They don't behave in a way that we would like or imagine them tobe.You need to accept the reality of what it is.Help yourself heal from your own hurt,rather than trying to analyze others.Find some distractions and self soothing activities and immerse yourself in them. You can't change others.

You can feel hurt, that's normal. But to continue analyzing this faded friendship only ensures more hurt for you.

I'm not sure what to tell you so you can move on, but at some point you have to leave your past in the past. How many years have you lost to bullying, your upbringing, etc.? Try the EMDR, if it's helping keep with it, but you may need a therapist who is interested in helping you live the future in a happier manner, doing positive things, learning how to find new friends, etc. so you can create a more fulfilling life for yourself.

That is true me over analyzing it is causing me more hurt.

Bullying happen as a teenager then I moved schools that was good then the year later the girl who bullied me came to my school because she spread rumours about someone else.
We became friends oddly. We then went to University together and that's when everything went to hell I was bullied by her again! and I had to change classes.
Fellowing year I try to mend things with her and this other friend but I was never allowed to sit next to them. Along with that we had a toxic teacher and he bullied me. I thought it was all in my head until I told my teacher the pervious year and said they had problems with him too.
That event all together made my social anxiety whole lot worse.
Then in 2017 the girl who bullied me her friend we will name them Kate, we had a huge fall out. It was because we had a fight it was over something so stupid looking back. She found out I spoke to someone about her, at that time I was just getting some insight of my friend someone to listen to me or hear me.
Kate couldn't forgive me, even though I found out she spoke behind my back as well years ago. And I forgave her and that girl who bullied me but she can't forgive me.
I try to apologise to her 6 months later she ignored me.
It was only in 2019, with the help of my therapist I asked a friend to send her a message to say sorry. It take her 3 months to reply back and she was nice but I got the impression she didn't want to be friends, so I left it be.

I had a hard commication growing up. I went to see a speech therapist at the age 2-3 years. Turns out I have audio procressing disorder.
Meaning I can hear what you are saying but it takes my brain time to take in what you are saying if spoken super fast to you or in loud enviroments. So I may miss hear what someone would say, it be like "so I went down the street and banana and then I " but the person never said banana. lol
Also I learnt you can misinterpret sounds of people of emotions. Someone may seem excited but to me sound angry.

So at primary school I did felt very isolated as I got older. I had a teacher aid at school and kids treat me differently as if I was werid.

I hope a bit of information explains my situations a bit better to you.

I have notice that before this friend I would constantly get flash backs of pervious friendships aka Kate where they bullied me when I was at Univeristy. It went for gosh 8 years until I started the EMDR therapy.
But for some reason my mind is stuck on this.
I will talk to my therapist about this.

I appericate your kindness.
I just don't know how to move on. Someone says to me move on but I just see words, I don't know the steps how to do that.

Please move on from this person.

To move on, you need to do a lot of self care activities. What do you most enjoy doing? What brings you joy, comfort, peace and happiness? Write them down even, and start pursuing these activities. Surround yourself with supportive, positive and nurturing people, people who lift your spirits and who encourage you. This is important. Lean on any family members and friends for support.... pursue your life's greatest passions. Fill your life up... this is how you move on.

Like others have said, it doesnt sound like your high up on her list of priorities, best to make new friends