Am I experiencing emotional abuse? I’m feeling like I’m going crazy

mote.of.soul · Mar 12, 2023 at 08:11 PM

As a recovering alcoholic myself, a lot of experience around the subject, I'd just like to jump in and comment on what he said here:

Quote:

“I’m not an alcoholic because alcoholics see a drink and have to have it...

Not necessarily true at all.

Quote:

...I just can’t stop drinking when I start”

This is the big problem with all alcoholics.
🙏

smile1217 · Mar 12, 2023 at 08:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mote.of.soul

As a recovering alcoholic myself, a lot of experience around the subject, I'd just like to jump in and comment on what he said here:

Not necessarily true at all.

This is the big problem with all alcoholics.
🙏

I tried to talk to him about the seriousness of him going to AA & I told him I felt he was filling the void he used to fill with alcohol, with girls & wasn’t prioritizing himself as he should. But he didn’t like hearing that at all

divine1966 · Mar 12, 2023 at 08:20 PM

You can’t make people to seek treatment and have a relationship with you. You can’t control what others do. Focus on bettering your own life. You deserve better. You sound like a caring person. You can do better

smile1217 · Mar 12, 2023 at 08:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

You can’t make people to seek treatment and have a relationship with you. You can’t control what others do. Focus on bettering your own life.

I didn’t make him seek treatment…I just voiced my concerns of how serious he was taking his sobriety

divine1966 · Mar 12, 2023 at 08:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by smile1217

I didn’t make him seek treatment…I just voiced my concerns of how serious he was taking his sobriety

I understand. He needs to hit his own rock bottom and come to his own conclusion in order to recover. At the moment he blocked you and it’s for the best. You can recover and heal and have a good life. Without him

smile1217 · Mar 12, 2023 at 08:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

I understand. He needs to hit his own rock bottom and come to his own conclusion in order to recover. At the moment he blocked you and it’s for the best. You can recover and heal and have a good life. Without him

Why does it bother me so much that I’m blocked when I know it’s a toxic situation…

Mendingmysoul · Mar 12, 2023 at 09:09 PM

I would say consider yourself lucky.He blocked you and saved your time. The guy has lot of issues and is a bad news.If you are feeling hurt and unable to move on consider therapy.

divine1966 · Mar 12, 2023 at 09:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by smile1217

Why does it bother me so much that I’m blocked when I know it’s a toxic situation…

It’s understandable. When we get attached to wrong people, it’s not easy to let go. I think good therapy can help to explore why you were interested in a man like this. It could help you to heal and avoid such men in a future. Stay busy.

mote.of.soul · Mar 13, 2023 at 03:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by smile1217

I tried to talk to him about the seriousness of him going to AA & I told him I felt he was filling the void he used to fill with alcohol, with girls & wasn’t prioritizing himself as he should. But he didn’t like hearing that at all

Yeah, the filling the void definitely does happen. It's common in recovery circles in my country too. You have good insight because what you told him is correct.

The love that he's seeking needs to come from within himself, for himself, and for some time if there's to be any chance of improvement, I believe.

Open Eyes · Mar 13, 2023 at 04:31 AM

His wife most likely left him because of his substance abuse problems.

This guy is just going to be a problem for you. You can’t believe anything he tells you and his dysfunction will only make you feel crazy.

AA for two months? He is not committed and one thing strongly advised in the AA program is to not get into new relationships.

Please end this relationship, it’s only going to be very unhealthy for you.

Have Hope · Mar 13, 2023 at 04:56 AM

He has been gaslighting you, so yes, that is emotional abuse. He is accusing you of what he himself is guilty of, which is projection. He is unstable and unhealthy. I would block him and steer clear of him. Let it end and let it be over with. You don't need this kind of toxic man in your life.

Open Eyes · Mar 13, 2023 at 04:57 AM

I’ve seen people abuse Xanex and they are on psych meds AND they still consume alcohol.

BIG RED FLAG OF SUBSTANCE ABUSE DISORDER.

Yes! They exaggerate and lie. They will go hungry to have money for their drugs/alcohol.

smile1217 · Mar 13, 2023 at 07:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mote.of.soul

Yeah, the filling the void definitely does happen. It's common in recovery circles in my country too. You have good insight because what you told him is correct.

The love that he's seeking needs to come from within himself, for himself, and for some time if there's to be any chance of improvement, I believe.

thank you for that I don’t know much about AA at all but I can see he isn’t truly focusing on himself like he should be…or he is focusing on himself but just in the wrong way. when I told him this he basically said I can’t give him my opinion, but GUC is something new because we’ve always given our thoughts to each other.

smile1217 · Mar 13, 2023 at 07:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

I’ve seen people abuse Xanex and they are on psych meds AND they still consume alcohol.

BIG RED FLAG OF SUBSTANCE ABUSE DISORDER.

Yes! They exaggerate and lie. They will go hungry to have money for their drugs/alcohol.

yep he is prescribed xanax, klonopin, lorazepam & adderall I believe. along with his prescription weed he smokes almost 24/7…

smile1217 · Mar 13, 2023 at 07:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Have Hope

He has been gaslighting you, so yes, that is emotional abuse. He is accusing you of what he himself is guilty of, which is projection. He is unstable and unhealthy. I would block him and steer clear of him. Let it end and let it be over with. You don't need this kind of toxic man in your life.

thank you. I guess I’m just confused why I’m so…doubtful & second guessing myself of is he really the problem or was I..

smile1217 · Mar 13, 2023 at 07:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

His wife most likely left him because of his substance abuse problems.

This guy is just going to be a problem for you. You can’t believe anything he tells you and his dysfunction will only make you feel crazy.

AA for two months? He is not committed and one thing strongly advised in the AA program is to not get into new relationships.

Please end this relationship, it’s only going to be very unhealthy for you.

yes he told me last year when she filed that she claimed he was an “uninvolved alcoholic father” and “emotionally abusive” of course he swore up & down this was all untrue & that she was narcissistic, and the problem because when he got home from work nothing was done, etc.

his dysfunction has already driven me crazy I think lol, I’ve been “friends” with him for about 11 months so I’ve listened & witnessed a lot of it. I hate the way things ended for us but I also realize me being in his life right now doesn’t benefit either of us, especially him because he needs to prioritize himself & healing…which I guess he still isn’t regardless since he’s dating a new girl

Have Hope · Mar 13, 2023 at 07:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by smile1217

thank you. I guess I’m just confused why I’m so…doubtful & second guessing myself of is he really the problem or was I..

Abusers deliberately try to make you think that you are the problem instead of them. This is why they accuse YOU of what THEY themselves are guilty of, and this is why they project all their own problems onto you.

smile1217 · Mar 13, 2023 at 08:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Have Hope

Abusers deliberately try to make you think that you are the problem instead of them. This is why they accuse YOU of what THEY themselves are guilty of, and this is why they project all their own problems onto you.

but I am feeling like the abuser right now by the times I’ve had emotional outbursts towards him & said hurtful things to him…

divine1966 · Mar 13, 2023 at 09:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by smile1217

but I am feeling like the abuser right now by the times I’ve had emotional outbursts towards him & said hurtful things to him…

That’s how abusers operate. They mistreat you but when you react, it’s your fault. It’s also typical to feel unstable in a relationship with an addict. They keep you off balance. Stop blaming yourself

Have Hope · Mar 13, 2023 at 09:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by smile1217

but I am feeling like the abuser right now by the times I’ve had emotional outbursts towards him & said hurtful things to him…

That's called reactive abuse. You reduce yourself to their level because no other communication method or approach has worked. And yes, they can turn it around on you, accusing you of being the abuser, when in fact, they are the abuser. Don't feel awful about this... it's sooo common and very natural to react to abuse in these ways!

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divine1966 Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Dec 2014 Location: US Posts: 22,356 (SuperPoster!) 9 1,277 hugs given	Mar 12, 2023 at 08:20 PM #23 You can’t make people to seek treatment and have a relationship with you. You can’t control what others do. Focus on bettering your own life. You deserve better. You sound like a caring person. You can do better
	Reply With Quote

Mendingmysoul Grand Member Member Since Aug 2019 Location: Here Posts: 907 4 807 hugs given	Mar 12, 2023 at 09:09 PM #27 I would say consider yourself lucky.He blocked you and saved your time. The guy has lot of issues and is a bad news.If you are feeling hurt and unable to move on consider therapy.
	Reply With Quote

Open Eyes Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Mar 2011 Location: Northeast USA Posts: 23,106 (SuperPoster!) 13 21.3k hugs given	Mar 13, 2023 at 04:57 AM #32 I’ve seen people abuse Xanex and they are on psych meds AND they still consume alcohol. BIG RED FLAG OF SUBSTANCE ABUSE DISORDER. Yes! They exaggerate and lie. They will go hungry to have money for their drugs/alcohol.
	Reply With Quote