Am I experiencing emotional abuse? I’m feeling like I’m going crazy

is it normal common to react though even if you aren’t being abused necessarily at that exact moment you blow up?

is it common even if you aren’t being abused in that exact moment that you have blow ups?

YES most definitely! I am a member of several abuse support forums on Facebook. I read countless stories about reactive abuse from women and men. It is very common, and can happen at any point.

I just feel like I don’t know….I’ve been struggling with borderline personality as well so I have a huge fear of abandonment & I think my body & mind goes into overdrive & I feel like that also makes me freak out sometimes & be anxiously attached….which in turn also makes me feel like it’s my fault. like I feel like I just pushed him and pushed him until he broke instead of giving space

Bordeline Personality Disorder within yourself does not justify or explain him gaslighting you and abusing you. You do not deserve his abuse, regardless of your mental health status or diagnosis.

It's good you are so self aware of your abandonment issues and attachment style. He would have abused you, even if you had been perfectly behaved. It's not your fault. Engrain that statement in your DNA. His abuse is not your fault and it's not your responsibility.

thank you for that, it’s just really hard to get myself to believe it right now. I feel like I ultimately just pushed him away from not regulating my emotions well

Read up on emotional abuse tactics and see if his behavior matches. That may help you to feel a whole lot better.

Don't be that metaphorical frog sitting in warm water that is gonna boil soon.Jump out of that pot and save yourself.Most likely you are trauma bonded to him,because of abuse tactics he played.

what is trauma bonding?

part of me just feels like I am TRYING to see him in a bad light if that makes sense

It is hard to explain for a layperson like me.Experts have explained traumabonding very well.Google it and see if you can relate.My suggestion is to stop thinking about him and try to educate yourself. Posters have already suggested some psychological phenomena. Please Google those and read up.A lot of times people like us can't imagine these maladaptive behaviours are actually abuse.Our minds just donot function like that.We try to come up with some kind of logical reasoning for illogical behaviours. That confuses the hell out of us.So it is very important to read up on this and get awareness.

It builds up in your system. You aren’t satisfied in this relationship. It’s not a healthy one. So it doesn’t matter if it’s that moment or another

Work with your therapist on managing BPD symptoms. But this guy isn’t a good partner regardless if you have BPD or not.

That's because you're taking responsibility for his poor treatment of you. You're blaming yourself, when you should not be. Many victims of abuse blame themselves. Again, it's not your fault, and his poor treatment of you isn't because of your own blowups. He is treating you poorly and is 100% responsible for his own behaviors.

The fact that you have to “try” to see his bad sides and it’s not obvious to you, tells me he’s not the first man to treat you poorly and it’s not the first time you blame yourself for their behaviors.

When Victims Blame Themselves For Their Abusers Actions

"According to the Mayo Clinic, it is common for victims of domestic violence to at least partially blame themselves for the situation. This is often due to the way that domestic abuse eats away at the person’s confidence and self-esteem. They may even blame themselves for what is happening in the relationship.

The following are four common reasons this can happen:

- They believe their partner. Abusers generally fail to take responsibility for their actions, instead blaming the victim for their loss of control. After months or years of hearing this message, victims often begin to believe it.

- Their partner is considered ‘nice’ or ‘normal’ by other people. Domestic abuse is about control and manipulation. As a result, many abusers end up being very charming and are often well thought of among friends, family, or in the community. This can lead victims to blame themselves and to think the situation is a result of some shortcoming on their part.

- People they do tell downplay the situation or refuse to believe them. Sadly, there are times when a domestic violence victim will confide in a doctor, therapist, co-worker, family member or friend, only to have the person downplay the incident or not believe them. This only reinforces the idea that the victim themselves is to blame.

- There have been occasions where they acted out against the abuser. Everyone loses their temper sometimes. For domestic violence victims, episodes where they yelled, slammed a door and stormed out of the room, or took some other type of action against the abuser may be viewed as justification for the abusive behavior."

4 Reasons Why Victims Blame Themselves For Domestic Violence

You're welcome. I don't know what GUC is but other than that, if I was offering my opinion to someone in the spirit of goodwill and helpfulness, and they turned around said 'you can't give me your opinion' (above quote), for me, that would practically end any chance of me wanting to develop the relationship further. I am a sensitive person though.

I'm not sure about the criteria of how to label certain things as 'abuse' or not, but I know what's acceptable to me and what isn't and, respectfully, if that's how he talks to you then more trouble will be waiting for you down the track. You'll likely end up quite depressed. Sorry. 🙏

thank you! I’ve been reading on narcissism a bit when I’m able to but then it just got me questioning myself if I’m the narcissist & not him. My therapist told me last night, “if someone is making you feel crazy, that is diagnostic” which made me feel better that I’m not the problem..

sorry the GUC was a typo haha. It’s just like he doesn’t want to hear my opinions or thoughts anymore but if HE has an opinion he feels like he has the right to tell me. a few weeks ago he told me I was a “dumbass” for asking why the wallpaper he was getting installed in his daughters room takes 2 days….I told him he was being aggressive & he said “when you ask dumbass questions you get smartass answers.” and I called him a name & he said “just because I’m acting like a *insert name calling* doesn’t give you the right to call me one”

thank you for this! abuse is just such a big word it scares me that I throw it around loosely in regards to his behavior towards me

Trust everyone here who says it's abuse. Like I've previously suggested, do research online for emotional and verbal abuse tactics, and see if his behaviors match. Then you will know for certain for yourself.