Am I experiencing emotional abuse? I’m feeling like I’m going crazy

Have Hope · Mar 20, 2023 at 04:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by smile1217

I think I feel like I treated HIM like crap though & that’s what’s bothering me

How so?? You have to get past that part - you likely were REACTING to how poorly he treats YOU. This self blame serves no purpose. It is clouding you from seeing him realistically as an abuser and someone to steer clear of.

divine1966 · Mar 20, 2023 at 04:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Have Hope

How so?? You have to get past that part - you likely were REACTING to how poorly he treats YOU. This self blame serves no purpose. It is clouding you from seeing him realistically as an abuser and someone to steer clear of.

Exactly. That’s what abusers do. Treat you badly but when you react, shift the blame on you labeling you an abuser when really what you do is just react.

Have Hope · Mar 20, 2023 at 04:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

Exactly. That’s what abusers do. Treat you badly but when you react, shift the blame on you labeling you an abuser when really what you do is just react.

Yep - and then the true abuser gets a person to doubt their perceptions and sense of reality because they accept the blame.

Mendingmysoul · Mar 20, 2023 at 10:03 AM

I have had someone in my life,who was treating me insanely poor,until I reacted,tried to question the unfairness of it,then called me the trouble maker. This is classic abuse tactic. Trust what all are telling you here.

smile1217 · Mar 20, 2023 at 11:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Have Hope

How so?? You have to get past that part - you likely were REACTING to how poorly he treats YOU. This self blame serves no purpose. It is clouding you from seeing him realistically as an abuser and someone to steer clear of.

I know I’m working on getting past it & feeling like the bad guy in the situation…looking back I realize that even if he wasn’t actively abusing me in that moment I reacted, it was out of confusion & hurt that he built expectations in my head & then would snatch them away & build them up & so on so I was never settled

smile1217 · Mar 20, 2023 at 11:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

Exactly. That’s what abusers do. Treat you badly but when you react, shift the blame on you labeling you an abuser when really what you do is just react.

yeah he’d always say “you don’t get to make me the bad guy” or “I’m tired of you making me seem like the bad guy”

divine1966 · Mar 20, 2023 at 11:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by smile1217

yeah he’d always say “you don’t get to make me the bad guy” or “I’m tired of you making me seem like the bad guy”

“Oh ok, I see, too bad. Bye”. That’s all you need to say

smile1217 · Mar 20, 2023 at 03:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

“Oh ok, I see, too bad. Bye”. That’s all you need to say

I just wish I could stop feeling like the bad guy lol

divine1966 · Mar 20, 2023 at 04:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by smile1217

I just wish I could stop feeling like the bad guy lol

Try to detach from the situation. Imagine you had a daughter, niece, best friend etc would you wish the kind of partner on them? Would you be happy and excited that your loved one had this guy for a husband and had kids with him. If not, then why do you wish such partner on yourself? In addition look at the situation realistically. You wanted to date him but he was dating other people so how are you the bad guy?

It doesn’t matter he’s the bad guy or not. He’s not a match for you

smile1217 · Mar 21, 2023 at 11:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

Try to detach from the situation. Imagine you had a daughter, niece, best friend etc would you wish the kind of partner on them? Would you be happy and excited that your loved one had this guy for a husband and had kids with him. If not, then why do you wish such partner on yourself? In addition look at the situation realistically. You wanted to date him but he was dating other people so how are you the bad guy?

It doesn’t matter he’s the bad guy or not. He’s not a match for you

I guess I feel like the bad guy for getting upset/jealous about him entertaining other girls because he told me we were just friends but would act like we were more but would say we weren’t? so I feel like I didn’t really have a right to get upset at him I guess….

divine1966 · Mar 21, 2023 at 01:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by smile1217

I guess I feel like the bad guy for getting upset/jealous about him entertaining other girls because he told me we were just friends but would act like we were more but would say we weren’t? so I feel like I didn’t really have a right to get upset at him I guess….

You two aren’t a couple so I’d say it doesn’t matter if you are a bad guy or not. You wanted him to be your boyfriend. He doesn’t want it. So I think analyzing it to death doesn’t serve any purpose.

smile1217 · Mar 21, 2023 at 02:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

You two aren’t a couple so I’d say it doesn’t matter if you are a bad guy or not. You wanted him to be your boyfriend. He doesn’t want it. So I think analyzing it to death doesn’t serve any purpose.

but it matters to me I guess because he would say how much I’m his best friend & how great of a friend was so I think that’s why I feel bad idk
you’re right

divine1966 · Mar 21, 2023 at 03:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by smile1217

but it matters to me I guess because he would say how much I’m his best friend & how great of a friend was so I think that’s why I feel bad idk
you’re right

I’d not trust what he says. He seems to say things he thinks you want to hear. He is bad news. And he blocked you so none of it matters. He’s not important

BoGingles · 10:27 AM

RUN LIKE HELL,! Nothing like a person who may be a narcissistic leech. Your not crazy but that is abnormal behavior on his part. Good luck!

Absolutely block his number…..it is his way of giving a cold shoulder because he plans on you knowing your number is blocked (did you call him? Is this how you found out?) …I strongly urge you to look up narcissistic personality and the things they do to people. Do not take this lightly, please, for your heath sake. Do not feel guilty, do not blame your self, DO block his number.

Doubtful but possible it could be substance abuse. However, people with strong traits of narcissistic and antisocial personality, it isn’t about forgetting or being able to recall. They remember perfectly but want to MAKE you feel like you are losing your concept of reality and “losing your mind.” He is 100% gaslighting her…..He knows exactly what he is doing or not doing. So truly empathetic for what she is enduring.😔

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Mendingmysoul Grand Member Member Since Aug 2019 Location: Here Posts: 907 4 807 hugs given	Mar 20, 2023 at 10:03 AM #104 I have had someone in my life,who was treating me insanely poor,until I reacted,tried to question the unfairness of it,then called me the trouble maker. This is classic abuse tactic. Trust what all are telling you here.
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