Am I experiencing emotional abuse? I’m feeling like I’m going crazy

I have been involved with someone who was going through a divorce and has now been officially divorced for about 4 months. His wife filed about a year ago & officially signed papers 4 months ago. Long story short, he says we’re “just friends” but has discussed marrying me, meeting his family, moving in, told me I was his child’s “new mommy” (I know…I know) and even told me that “being in love” with me scares him. All the while saying I’m just a close friend he feels nothing for. He told me he loved me & then the next day swore up & down that he never said it. If I explain that he makes me feel like a convenience at times if a new girl comes along he tells me what I’m feeling “isn’t real” He also started AA two months ago. There’s been so many inconsistencies within this situation with words matching actions & I have become so frustrated that I’ve begun to have explosive reactions & then immediately regret them afterwards. Recently he told me I have been “so emotionally unstable” & that it’s extremely “selfish” of me being emotionally unstable because he’s been “transparent” the entire time we’ve been involved…we’ve been in a few arguments

recently & he blocked me to which I got a texting app to text him on & he would have conversations with me on them. last night he was wanting me to drop a gift off at his house & he misunderstood my text & immediately got pissed that I hadn’t dropped it & threatened a restraining order against me telling me I was “insane” & that he has no idea what I’m capable of (I have never threatened him ever) BUT then still wanted me to drop off the gift “peacefully & go our separate ways” feel like I’m going crazy & am questioning am I actually emotionally unstable & I’m begin to feel guilt now. I have begun no contact but I am feeling extremely defeated & genuinely crazy. am I reacting to all the emotional inconsistencies have I been driven to madness? any advice is great

How long you have been in relationship with him?

relationship/friendship, whatever it was, about 11 months!

Hi smile1217. Real sorry you're going through such emotional turmoil with this guy, it's obviously putting a lot of strain on you.🙏

He's said a lot of things previously, this and that, but it really seems like it hasn't worked out for whatever reasons, and now he wants to go his own way. He probably continued to text you back that time, because it's kinda hard not to if it's stuff about him.

Anyway, I can tell you like him which is the painful part when it's not reciprocated, but for your own emotional well-being which is the important thing, I think just let him go now. Don't worry about him anymore. Cut off contact. All of the negative things he said to you don't mean anything if you know he's wrong. Cutting him off can be your final say.

You'll be okay. It's just life really. Ups and downs.🙏

thanks for the response! he has always contacted me, almost daily, just about life in general just normal conversation not always about him. I think he just wanted to have his cake & eat it too. today is the first day I have gone without speaking to him.

@smile1217 welcome to MSF. I am sorry that you feel so upset by what he says. He does not sound at all reasonable or emotionally stable. I think if you take what he says as a description more of his state of mind rather than yours, it might be more accurate.

Whenever I hear anything like his line of reasoning, it sounds like gaslighting, trying to make a person feel unsure of themselves and clinging to this person that says they are a friend but seems to be undermining your mental well being by extreme manipulation.

I hear how it hurts but depending on someone like this who is unstable and projecting their qualities onto others could be very unsatisfying and difficult.

Hope you find an inner strength so you do not lean on people outside to validate your own well being. @CANDC

Oh, I see, yes. Good on you for not replying to him. Yes, he wants the cake and he wants to eat it too, that's totally what it is. I wouldn't trust him because he's playing with your feelings and that's not good. He doesn't care.🙏

well he hasn’t text me today, we aren’t on speaking terms but I’m just saying I haven’t reached out at all. which is difficult. it’s really hard not trying to ask for resolution when I feel I am the blame of all of this

well he hasn’t text me today, we aren’t on speaking terms but I’m just saying I haven’t reached out at all. which is difficult. it’s really hard not trying to ask for resolution when I feel I am the blame of all of this

And I want to applaud for managing no contact with him.He is not healthy for you.Relationship or friendship,not worth it.Stay safe.

but in his mind I’m the cause of the drama & that’s the hard part to swallow…

He is gaslighting you big time.Stay away from him,block his number and social media.I know you are hurting but donot go on the guilt trip he is trying to take you on.Find some distractions and do selfcare.These kind of people are not worthy of your headspace. Stay strong. Donot let nasty people play with your mind.Hugs.

He has my number blocked so do I still need to block his?

He is very unstable. You don’t really know what’s “in his mind” and what he really thinks. You are better off moving on from him. He has too many issues and you don’t need that kind of drama in your life. Block him and rejoice that you are free from this kind of nonsense

Yeah, be cautious about going down the path of resolution with him because it's a bit like wanting him to see his wrongdoing and you could be going back and forth forever waiting for that. You're not to blame.

I mean obviously it's up to yourself in the end but my advise is to just end it, boom.

I am not sure ,but he has already blocked you,so problem solved I guess.

If he has substance abuse issues, it explains why he says things he doesn’t recall.

yeah he’s been in AA for 2 months now. However, during the times he “hasn’t recalled” things he’s said, he was t drinking because of the divorce and custody process. He was getting pee tests done twice a week on his own volition to show the court he was sober. I will say he smokes a lot of weed, but he has his medical marijuana card.

Smoking a lot of weed …..oh boy. This dude is high as a kite. Of course he doesn’t know what the heck he’s doing! He is stoned!

Pee test is for drugs. Not alcohol.

What are his redeeming qualities? He sounds like an awful candidate for dating. Like walking red flag.

I commend him for going to AA. But two months is nothing. Too early to say if there’s any improvement. Plus if he goes to AA but then goes home and gets high, he’s not sober. Even if he was not intoxicated when talking nonsense, years of substance abuse would mess him and his cognitive abilities up.

Again bad news. Be done with him

yep he used to be addicted to xanax in college actually & went to rehab for two months, if you want to call it rehab, his parents just sent him to vietnam lol. and somehow he still is prescribed xanax.

I told him the other week I was concerned about how seriously he’s taking AA because he’s missed a meeting to get a tattoo. Also in AA I’m fairly certain they advise not pursuing any dating or romantic relationships for the first year & he obviously isn’t heeding that advice since he’s on hinge dating people. Also when I was at his house
a month ago he said “I’m not an alcoholic because alcoholics see a drink and have to have it. I just can’t stop drinking when I start”

He has been sweet & caring to me but I guess that was all a facade…