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Anonymous32448
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Trig Mar 14, 2023 at 03:14 PM
  #1
from 2011

I found out recently that he did some bad stuff and is in jail for it

A few years ago, he contacted me out of the blue on facebook to "check how I was" and tried to sweet talk me

All i said to him is why are you contacting me, which made him say he was checking on me

I never responded to that i remember

It was after that, that he got a new partner and abused her

trigger warning cause i dont know if the button will feel like working

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Possible trigger:


end trigger warning in case the trigger button fails

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enough dots now i think

how can i move past this information, in my head?

I'll never be allowing him (or my mum's ex husband, who did similar on the computer) back into my life

i just dont know how to get past knowing this (the stuff that should be in the trigger button thing)
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Default Mar 15, 2023 at 12:53 PM
  #2
Sorry you are in that situation. It must be brutally hard on you from a psychological angle, so I think your feelings are totally understandable.

I think societies have a right to defend themselves from those who either from psychological illness or ill-will or a combination of both, either cannot or will not control their antisocial actions.

It would be nice if being in a correctional facility led a person infallibly toward a whole new direction in life and freedom from their antisocial desires.

Sadly, that ideal is not always realized. Often confinement in a correctional facility can cause a person to a have a greater desire to reoffend and a greater desire to "get even" with society that they blame for their ills.

Perhaps I am wrong about this and perhaps I am wrong about what I am now going to say, but I think it is wise to steer clear of this individual you mention, not only for your physical health but also for your psychological health.

If you happen to be a religious person you might pray for this individual and for his victims and possible future victims.

On how to get over someone, I am at a loss. The brain seems to have a mind of its own and does not always mesh with what we would like it to do. I believe that there are psychological techniques for getting over someone. Some I think are available for free on the Internet.

Why some people become sociopaths is still pretty much of a mystery to the current level of knowledge of modern psychology although progress has been made in this area.

I try to stick to that old adage: "hate the sin, but love the sinner." although this is much easier said than done. Perhaps I am too naive.

All the factors in a lifetime of minutes and seconds that go into creating a type of personality is something only a Divine Being could know.

Humans can know little about a person in comparison. We certainly don't see clearly the trillions of things that have led a person to a certain point in their life: genetics, environment, upbringing and so on.

We are denied the omniscience to see clearly what is ill-will and malice and what are other factors and weight of each in leading to a personality.

If I were you [and I am not in your shoes and so cannot advise] I think I would steer clear of this individual.

When my brain takes to me places I don't want it to lead to me I try to transmute that content into a prayer so that something beautiful can come out of something ugly. Sometimes beautiful flowers emerge from soil covered in dung.

A lot of modern psychology is the creation of atheists, agnostics and such and I am sure they have a wealth of knowledge concerning very helpful techniques for dealing with things that don't involve prayer.

There are many books on how to get over someone or some awful experience. Many can be gotten for free or a small fee from public libraries in countries that have public libraries. I read some many decades ago but my memory fails me on the content.

I feel sad for the victims of this individual. How tragic and heartbreaking what they must have gone through. Just unimaginable pain and anguish that may last their entire lives.

I hope pray they will be freed from the after effects of their terrible, terrible trauma and that some how , someway they can get some peace of mind or joy of living again.

Profound apologies for not know exactly how to be helpful to you. It is so hard to know how to be helpful rather than unhelpful or hurtful sometimes.

I am sorry you are suffering. I would be too I think. I wish I knew how to take the pain away. I hope others here will have better words for you than my poor, poor words. You deserve the best! You are a nice person and so helpful to others here on the Forums.
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Default Mar 15, 2023 at 03:36 PM
  #3
Did I enable him into doing all of that?

I remember when I was seeing him, he would tell me about stuff he'd seen (I never knew what sites he was on) online, stuff like watching two adults having sex getting filmed and knowing they was getting filmed, from what I understood both adults were happy with doing sex and getting filmed (I never saw any of that stuff, he never showed me cause I drew the line at watching stuff like that)

but by not trying to stop him from watching stuff like that, was I enabling him back in 2010/2011?

I'm doubting myself now cause at the time I thought maybe that was okay cause both was adults, both wanted the sex and both knew they was getting filmed (from what he told me)

idk details about it though cause for one thing i dont remember everything, 2012 messed my memory up and made me mentally unwell and even now my memory is screwy

maybe this information will get me (understandably) thrown out from the forum and told never to come back

idk maybe i remote controlled him into doing everything

Last edited by Anonymous32448; Mar 15, 2023 at 04:05 PM..
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Default Mar 15, 2023 at 06:28 PM
  #4
People make their own choices, none of that is your fault
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