I am not my mothers name.

Its been awhile since I have logged into this account. It feels whenever I do, I am near my whits ends. (Read my previous years posts for a background story.)

Last night, my husband called me my mother again. I have a love/hate relationship with my mother, because although she tried as much as she could to protect me from my father, she became just as much as an abusive narc. My mother is so self absorbed she even gave me her name as my middle name, and my husband will call me by it to light a fire.

I get told im like her now more than ever. That I am dirty, (yet, i am a sahm all i do is clean!!), that I overtalk to be heard (cant ever listen), that Im basically a terrible person. He knows the wounds he is picking at when he does this. And he doesnt stop.
So, last night I went to bed. Alone. Again.
He still works nights so the 2 hours hes here with me beforehand were spent with him on the couch and me holding my breath in the bedroom. The only thought that could calm my mind down was that if I went to sleep, I might not wake up.

I hate living like this. I hate imagining a life without my family together. He has bipolar and Im my fair share of mental health matters too..
I just need someone to pray for me.
I feel really really weak.
I feel unseen, and have no friends, so Im just bottled up inside.
I am not my mother, but I am a mother.
I am not my mother, I am me.

Sending prayers for you.

You are with a partner who is intentionally pushing your buttons and harming you. Sending you strength to get yourself and your kids free.

What did Dr. Phil always say "children would rather be FROM a broken home than LIVE in one"

Your home is broken. Your spouse is abusive. Set yourself up for success by getting an education in a field you would like to have a career in. If you had a career prior to becoming SAHM, renew license/education and prepare to launch yourself afterward.

See an attorney (most offer free consultations if you're in the US) and get an idea of what divorce looks like financially for you.

You are discovering that your partner can be emotionally abusive where he puts you down so you give up control and have boundaries.

I can relate.Some one said to me I am just like my mother and oh boy, it was so triggering. In my case I am not sure if the intention was to push my buttons ,it did push my buttons anyways.I wanted to yell...I AM IN NO WAY LIKE MY MOTHER.....I am sorry you went through that.

I'm so sorry. It's cruel of him to say those type of things, knowing it will hurt your feelings. Most everyone in my husband's family is capable of verbally hitting below the belt. They say it to be manipulative, to wound the other person. . It's not fun to be around someone like that, it damages any relationship, even when there's still an upside.

Please realize that it's not about you or anything you do. Frustrated, immature people fling comments like that around carelessly. Mature people address problems directly and without pain. It's taken me way too long to understand this. Good boundaries are your best friend with someone like this.

Hope you are doing okay. ((((Hugs))))

I agree that it sounds like your spouse is trying to push your buttons and is being verbally abusive.


My mother and I always had issues. I don't think she likes me as a person and she favored my siblings. Unfortunately, she gave me her name as my middle name too. I hate it. My husband knows my feelings and wouldn't think of calling me that. Interestingly, he was named after his father, who was never in his life. His first name is the male version of my middle name. He goes by his middle name.

These comments are made to "press buttons".

My brother recently told me I was just like our mother, "two peas in a pod". As I was in his house, all I said was "oh really, what do you base that on". He didn't add any further comment. Then phones me a few days later to suggest dinner one evening (just him and me) to discuss mother's failing health. I thought, at last he's going to listen and understand. Another part of me says he'll just try to brainwash me.

Am not like our mother. Although we are individuals (everyone else is taken!), my mother is exactly like her own was. Horrible, self-centred, narcissistic, narrow-minded. These are not traits I would be proud of and endeavour to avoid. I don't feel part of my family, just someone on the edge. Disappointing yes, hurtful yes, but I don't want to be part of the manipulative behaviour and ignoring reality, "just for a quiet life".

Can fully understand how you feel