Why would my people pleasing friend not ditch this lying fake moocher?

I’m very upset now since this woman that my good friend introduced me to a few months ago turned out to be a lying manipulative jealous selfish user.

We both felt bad for her at first since she has also been bullied her whole life by coworkers, peers at school, her familt, former fellow, and ex boyfriends. And customers too.

We were also bullied a lot growing up. And we all have issues with depression, anxiety, self esteem & eating disorders.

Anyways, my friend recently told me that a few weeks ago when thet went out, the mooch said she didn’t have any money for lunch.

My friend has always paid for all her meals, coffee, and movie tuckets before, but not that time. She finally said no.

So the mooch came back with a hige tray of food. She didn’t ask her hiw she paid for or with ‘no money’.

She claims to have no credit card as she said bipolar with schizoaffective disorder & she has trouble with spending to much money.

Also, she has no job & lives at home rent free. She’s on SSI. Not judging, just saying that her parents take cate of her & give her money.

I saw it with my own eyes. Her mom drives her everywhere as she doesn’t drive. She said she’s afraid to since she got into an accident 3 years ago.

She claimed to have worked for Safeway for 13 years & despite being severely bullied by everyone including customers constantly, she couldn’t quit or her das would’ve kicked her out id the house. Weird.

She has never once paid for anything as long as my friend was present. I personally never ever paid for her stuff aside from agreeing to shate food with her bevore & that’s it.

She’s extremely heap as she lied ti mt fave too about not having enough money for both popcorn & a hot dog after she had $30 left after payung for hwr oen ticket.

I know she wanted me to offer to get the popcorn to shate which I stupidly did a second time. The first time she ate almost everything w/o offering me anything, rude!

I snapped after she didn’t bother asking me anything about a trip to Spain. All she did was whi w a out bee problagain for the millionth time. She told me gow she never will get to go anywhere.

I asked her if she’s jealous of me & she said no defensively. Before that she looked cold & blank. I told her that she never asks how we’re doing & hiw inappropiate it is to except other people to pay for her stuff.

I told her what my friend told me about lunch & being lied to. I also brought uo the movue inccident & she played dumb & said sorry & she didn’t know she was being offensive & inappropriate.

I also told her that she focuses to much on herself & that she is constantly repeating the same stories. She said sorry & she didn’t realize she was doing that.

I call b.s. She is 38 but she acts like a dumb, really dumb child, but I doubt she’s that stupid. I think it’s an act

A yways, my friend & I complained about her & I sent ber moo h hokes thet she laughed at. The mooch’s birthday is coming up & I asked my friend if she’ll still take her out or even talk to her still.

She ignored my question & is still avoiding it saying that she has severe mental heslth issues & she doesn’t wanr to ralk about her niw as she’s busy

It seems as if she has forgiven this woman for lying to her & using her because she feels sorry foe her & because she is a people pleaser too.

I don’t understand this as why would anyone want to still be friends with a lying manipulative moocher?

This weirdo lady remained mostly sulent when I talked & didn’t seem to care abour anything that I said aside from me telling her that I think she’s jealous of me. She sure became emotional & defensive then, lol! Weird!

Whys that? Are people with bipolar & schizoaffective disorder usually unemotional & bkank? She twowated the same annoying stories to whete everyone she ever met almost mistreated her in some way.

I call b.s now. Clearly she has no shame & no problem using people as she used an ex who ahe thought was gat & ugly for company as no one else wanted to hang our with her.

Now I know why, lol. She’s a big whiny boring selfish user. She’s more mentally unstable than I thought at first as she thinks she can sue people foelr anything & cakls everyone who complains about anything or telks her anything she doesn’t like a Karen, lol.

She claimed that she appreciated my honesty & that she wasn’t mad, but that she a other lie as she ignored two texts that weren’t about what I said to her for two days alrwady. She always replied to texts eight away before.

Why woukd she use nice people like us & hirt is woth very obvious lies? And why would my supposedly intelligent friend want to avoid even mentioning ber after telling me how upset she was with her lying & mooching? It makes zero sense to me.

Should I not mention this ladt to her again unless she brings her up? Whatsoever goinfg on here? I warned her & told her she’s a user & a liar & to ditch her too.

I have a bad feeling that she’s going to give her another chance. Why? They we r to group therapy together once, so the mooch knows her weak spots unfortunately. Ugh.

People do things because they get something out of it. Your friend keeps your moocher friend around maybe because she likes her company, or maybe feels good about herself because she feels like she is helping her. If she feels like she is giving charity, and that makes her feel superior, thats’ not healthy either.

I had a friend who became a user like that. We were friends since we were 12. Growing up, she wasn’t like that, made her own money and was equal with spending, if not generous. But things in life just sank lower and lower for her. It was her own doing. Then she got this attitude that I owed her, and had no shame about using me for whatever she could. I let her until it got too much, and I saw how one sided it had become. Plus, she had become so antagonistic toward me, respected no boundaries. Finally she imploded and we never spoke again. I learned she told mutual friends some awful things about me behind my back. It was a betrayal, a two faced faux frenemy. Looking back, I now understand she showed a lot of narcissism. It can sometimes be a vulnerable narcissist who laments about everyone done them wrong and to feel sorry for them.

I think if I were in your position I would try to avoid this woman who you feel is using you. As for your friend, I think I would make my feelings known but respect my friend has currently a different approach and try not to judge her, I would draw a boundary whereby we didn’t discuss this woman and stuck to happier subjects we had in common.

It is a difficult situation however, and you will naturally have strong feelings. I think it’s one of these things you’ve got to hope your friend will eventually see through herself.

I think it’s the same why people stay in bad marriages. It’s hard for outsiders to understand. They must be getting something out of it.

It sounds quite strange that this grown up person wants to fully depend on others and wouldn’t even get a part time job but depending on others is easier than taking care of oneself. Her family and friends enable her by supporting her.

She perfected her game of helplessness. Some people live like this their whole life. Acting helpless and relying on others. Sad life if you ask me. But if others fall for it, not much we can do

From what you've described, you and your friend have both been left feeling frustrated and disappointed by the woman your friend introduced you to, and you seem perplexed as to why your friend would want to keep seeing her. When you've been lied to and manipulated, it's natural to feel angry; trying to comprehend another person's lack of outrage can be challenging.

Keep in mind that everyone's reasons for keeping certain friendships or romantic partnerships intact are unique. The woman your friend set you up with may strike you as a manipulative liar, but she may be struggling with mental health issues and could use your help. Your friend may feel obligated to assist the woman because she has witnessed her struggles firsthand.

However, she shouldn't let herself be used or abused and should instead establish healthy boundaries with others. She may have reached a point where she recognizes this woman's actions for what they are and is debating whether or not to continue their friendship.

It is up to you to decide if you want to discuss this woman with your friend again. Your friend may not want to continue talking about it, but she may also appreciate having someone to talk to if she's feeling overwhelmed by her emotions.

Maybe you’re right about what you said. Niw she doesn’t want to talk about this mooch period Why? I’m afraid that she’s going to give her another chance.

Sorry to hear about your former friend. She sounds like a jealous person. What did she say about you if you don’t mind me asking?

I’m already done with that selfish loser. It’s obvious she’s jealous of me . What kind of person sats absolutely nothing after a friend comes back from a trip? All she could do is whine about how she never gets to go snywhere, ugh!

Why would she not say anything at all? I asked her if she’s jealous of me & she said no quickly & defensively.

Hopefully my friend will dumo her soon too. Unfortunately I think she feels to sorry for her & that she’ll give her more chences thsn she deserves although she’s proven herself to be a liar a few times already.

She lied about buyung concert tickets, lied about not having money when she did so that my friend would pay for her stuff again, snd who onows what else?

She is on SSI & gets $600 a month. She kept saying she’s going to get a job, but then she has hardly apied any any place except for two maybe.

She has no car & depends on her mom fir rides. She doesn’t know hiw to apply for jobs online either. She told us that her mom doesn’t want her to work which is odd.

Her mom gives her money too. I saw it with my oen eyes. She’s a liar. It’s obvious thst she doesn’t want to work snd maybe can’t eork, but why lie about that? It’s obvious rhat she’s lying.

I think thst her parents spoil her to desth. Ironically her dad threatened to kick her out of the house if she quit her job at Safeway over 13 years ago. She sais she was severely bullied there be everyone, stalked, and harassed by the customers too.

I think thst she made up a bunch of stuff to get sympathy & attention from us & other people.

She seems to nrrd a lot of attention . Everything is always about her. She repeats the same stories like a broken record sll the time. She’s very irritsting.

She acts like a dumb child. I should’ve ditched her months ago. She never once asked my friend & I how we’re doing.

She had nothing bit troubke with orher friends & she blamed everyone bit herself for things. They used her, were mean, bad, etc.

I don’t understand why my friend still wants to associate with her it deems like as she doesn’t want to talk about her anymore. She said she has severe mental health issues. There is no way she could be that clueless unless she’s mentally challenged.

My friend is a people pleaser who rarely sticks up for herself. Ironically shes a humsn resources manager. Weird!

She also let this other lady get away without paying fir sn expensive meal after she bragged about how mych money her husband have. Disgusting! I’d never allow anyone to do thst to me.

My friend does feel sorry for her. Maybe this loser cried crocodile tears & made up nee lies. & more fake promises to change. I think thst she’s gullible & ahe has trouble saying no at times directly.

I was surprised thst she said no to buying her lunch recently when I wasn’t there. Maybe being neeeded & helping others makes her feel good, idk.

I have a couple of thoughts to add to what the others said:
- You call her "mooch," "loser" and have a lot of scorn for her, yet it sounds like she has serious psychiatric problems. To my understanding it's hard to qualify for SSI. I'm in Canada and it's fairly difficult to qualify for disability here and it's my understanding it's harder in the US.


This doesn't mean you have to be friends with her (of course not) but remember to have compassion. I assume she may be hoping others pay because she is on a very small income. Since she's 38 she may be expected to buy her own food and clothing and other things with her $600 a month, and possibly pay rent to her parents (my husband's niece is on disability of $1,100 a month but pays $500 to her mother for rent).


There is a stigma to living on disability and it's not easy, but not everyone can work (I have worked my whole life BTW). Psychiatric disabilities can be invisible unless you live with someone and know how incapacitated they are.


I don't know her and I don't know why she behaves like that. I'm just saying try to be understanding of your friend remaining in touch with her. You can always avoid talking about her, but please don't badmouth her, because you really don't know what another person is going through.

I had confided in her all my problems with my husband, that I had gone to a psychologist and asked them if I had BPD (because a family member was diagnosed BPD and I thought I may be). The psy agreed I was showing traits but said he would not diagnose me with the disorder. I confided this in her. She kept insisting I have the disorder. I kept clarifying i only have traits, per a doctor’s opinion. Then I found out she told our mutual friends I have BPD.

I don’t lack compassion. She doesn’t deserve my pity or sympathy as she LIED to both of us more than once. I don’t like or trust liars.

She lied about having money so she could mooch of me & my other friend. She took advantage of another friend who psid $30 for an event & made that clear. This woman only paid my friend back $15.

Having mental health issues does not excuse bad behavior like lying. Also, she does NOT pay rent. It doesn’t look like she goes shopping much as she tends to wear the same stuff often.

Her mom gives her money. She doesn’t budget. She goes to Starbucks often for drinks. Getting coffee there costs $6 or more.

She doesn’t have a car or any expenses that I’m aware of. If she doesn’t have money, she hen she should not go out or go out less often or suggest free to liw cost places to go to.

She lied about not getting my friend concert tickets since her phone ‘wasn’t working. My friend called her out on her b.s saying that she wouldn’t be able to trxt her if her phone wasn’t working.

AND it doesn’t excuse her extremely selfish attito whete ALL she can do is whine about her problems & hiw she was bullied for the millionth time. And she was obviously very jealous of me as she didn’t want to hear anything about my trip. All she could do was whine about how she never gets to go anywhere!

Who wants to hear someone repeat themselves all the time? She NEVER once asked my friend anything about us or asked how we’re doing.

Everything was about her. She expected the workd to revolve around her & her needs only. She actrd bored with us whenever we talked to each other or ourselves.

I do understand that it’s hard to live off so little. It’s still enough for food for one oerson. I’m sure that her parents pay for everything else like health care. Her mom gives her rides & pays for her classes at schoool too.

Sorry to hear about your neices situation. She at least helos out unlike this greedy mooch. Btw, would YOU still give her a chance if she lied to you more than a few times?

Sorry to hear about that. Your former friend obviously wanted to destroy your reputation. I’ve had people do that to me too. A few even made up complete lies about me as well.

One nasty backstabbing former best friend accused me of being a drug addict since I take prescription medication for my depression & anxiety to another mutual friend.

She was obviously jealous as she didn’t want us to go on a trip together. The other lady didn’t believe her & said that I need thst medication & that I’m not a drug addict, so she made up even more vike lies about me, ugh!

Why do you think your friend lied to her ther people about your issues? Was she jealous of you? Did anyone believe her or not?

Did you get to call her out on her lies? I did after a few years to that you know what in person. I saw her ar tge movies one day but she denied everything. She ‘forgot’ the rest, lol. She was extremely jealous of me for sure.

I see it as she told them because she felt like she was superior to me in that moment, she enjoyed spreading malicious gossip even though she was my best friend for 40 years, she had no respect and regard for me. It’s not that she thought I was lying when I told her the doctor said only traits, it is that I am invisible, do not matter, I am merely an extension of her, there are no boundaries. She felt it made her look interesting to those friends that she had a juicy bit of gossip.

And yes, she was always jealous of me, openly.

These friends were only acquaintances to me. I didn’t even see them again in person, they are just on my facebook, people I went to high school with. It really bothered me because I had a professional career at that time and her saying that was slander. It could have harmed me professionally. It crossed a line for her to gossip about, even if it were true and I had been diagnosed BPD. If I wanted them to know I’d have told them myself. With friends like her who needs enemies?

I simply stopped talking to her, as well as she did with me. It ended with her flaming out on me in a one sided text fight where she said she couldn’t walk on eggshells with me. After all, I am way too sensitive and she just can’t control what she says. It’s really funny, honestly, her eggshells were more like grenades!

Wow, that sucks! Was she always like that or did she change for the worse when her lige went downhill? Did you ever get to ask her wby she told so many lies about you in person? If si, what hsppened?

Did your mutual friends believe her or not? If they didc they’re idiots. Hopefully her bad karma will get her soon.

None of this is your business. Let your friend have whatever relationships she wants without making judgments about it. Worry about yourself and your friends.

I never told my friend what to do. I just don’t understand her behavior. One day she’s venting & laughing at my mooch memes, the next, day, it’s poor her, she has a lot of problems.

She resents being used & lied to, so thus makes no sense to me at all.

Since ending the friendship, I’ve learned a lot about narcissistic relationships. This friendship was one I had along with others.

Our time spent together was fun. We didn’t ever fight. She was over the top hilarious then would just get to be too much. She was like this with everybody, had several close friends, circle of friends over the years. Everybody would end up having to take a break from her and then she’d Hoover us all back in to start again. But it was never from fighting, just she had no boundaries and was overwhelming.

It was later in life, after her divorce that she seemed to be sinking. She had developed some impulsive, risky behaviors, addictions, compulsions (not drugs or alcohol). Yes, this must be when she took the mean-spirited downturn. I was not involved in any of what she was doing.

I was a supportive friend. We said we were like sisters. We’d tell each other everything. I now know this was a mistake. I trusted confiding in a friend. And then learned she blabbed it to others.

When I wrote the post here yesterday about that it was her saying I had BPD that ended the friendship, I misspoke. It was even more than that. The BPD thing happened just before. The final straw that led to the discard was about her being so overly intrusive about my marital problems and wouldn’t back off. I told her I didn’t want to discuss it. She said “You may as well stay with him because you are miserable with or without him.” Good grief. I was getting divorced (that time, that first time, now happening second time in an extremely toxic emotionally abusive marriage). I wasn’t miserable without him. I was driving and minding my own business, feeling quite good. She called and demanded to know what was happening with it. I said I didn’t want to discuss it and tried r to draw a boundary and that’s how she went off on me, so bad it ended the friendship with her saying she couldn’t “walk on eggshells”. She said this just to try to push my buttons because she knew the title of the book was called this on BPD.

The lesson here is I wasn’t healthy to have chosen this kind of friend from the start. Although we had a blast together, it wasn’t healthy. Healthy choices would have been for me to choose the studious, nice, good kids as friends. I chose funny, edgy, mischievous, dramatic friends. That’s a reflection of me.

The other lesson is about overly trusting and confiding in untrustworthy friends. They backstab.

I wish I had all the information on narcissism then like I do now. I’d have seen I was already submerged in it. I’d have learned what is healthy and strived to be that. I could have saved myself a lot of pain.

I didn’t fight with friends but these relationships still hurt me. A friend should be someone you like, have mutual respect, enjoy doing things together, emotionally support each other (without becoming overly involved). I’ve had other friends like this, but they never felt as close as a friend like her, who was so enmeshed I had to take breaks to be able to breathe. I’m sure that says a lot about me.

She sounds like she’s got conflicting feelings, that can happen. Plus if she has a tendency to people please she may be laughing at memes with you to please/bond with you as much as trying to please others.

I guess it comes down to how do you keep your friendship with this friend, without another friendship impinging upon it.

Wow, sorry to hear that! Nothing is your fault. She probably seemed trustworthy at first. I’ve had former friends tell outrageous lies about me too. One accused me if being a drug addict for taking prescription meds! Wtf? Ugh!

She then later denied everything after I confronted her ar a movie theatre. I was never able to contact her as the coward blocked me. She was upset that I put a dent in her extremely fragile ego by being honest with her.

About her lack of boundaries, what dud she di aside from demanding to know everything about your marriage issues? That wasn’t OK.

Next time anyone does that, you’ll know it’s a huge red flag. Did she badmouth other people before she turned on you? I’m f si, that’s another red fkag. My former friend talked badly about everyone including her other best friend all the time. She told me tmi about her sex life too. So that shpuld have been a red flag for me too.

As I said, nothing is your fault. She betrayed you. Sometimes it’s best to keep certain issues to yourself m. Another so callled friend accused me of being a drug addict just for taking digestive pills in front of him! Wth? He is a huge hypocrite as he seems to think nothing is wring with drinking heavily all the time. I think he was an alcoholic.

Long story short, he tried to manipulate me into sharing a hotel room after drinking so that he could probably have a threesome with me & his weird ugly g.f, lol. I saw right through that. He is a pig and a big baby too, lol.