Why did all my new friends start ignoring me? Are they jealous?

Thanks, whew! I thought I'm seeing things, lol.

You're right in that when people treat someone that way, they do not like or respect them. Real friendship isn't that at all.

I do think that when they say "It's not you, it's them", it's true, only in the sense that when someone ghosts a person, it is about THEIR immaturity or lack of courage or communication skills or whatnot. It's also that they don't care enough about the other person to be honest and choosing to ghost instead.

It's true everyone has stuff on their plate, but I agree with you that a REAL friend MAKES time for you. That bs about "I've been busy" is just that, bs. They CAN take the time for you and they would, even if to SAY it's been crazy but they are still thinking about you and wanting to check in.

Anyone who knows me, knows I love to cite sources. :P

Toxic People: 12 Things They Do and How to Deal with Them - Hey Sigmund

Again, my belief is that anyone who uses the 100% lame excuse, "it's not you, it's me," is trying to escape being held accountable for their actions. If people were just more emotionally mature enough to communicate how they feel with each other, then this lame excuse wouldn't be used as an emotional shield, per se, to deflect the other person's emotional response.

i.e. the OP's situation about her sharing her Spain vacation photos. That was a cool trip and she shared it with this group of women acquaintances online, whom she's also spent time with in person.

Instead of congratulating the OP on her vacation and commenting on the photos, and reciprocating the OP's efforts to maintain their connection to the OP, these women just basically ghosted the OP without any context. So, yeah, it is about them not prioritizing the OP's feelings or expression of joy at finally taking a great vacation after the horrible 3-year long pandemic that Covid-19 was.

OP, if you're still reading...those women aren't good friends. They're just 1/2 invested in their connection to you. It sounds like you realized this and lowered your expectations (which is the best response).

Keep trying to find women to befriend. Women friendships are so good for our soul. It's hard because at our age (the 50s), most women have etched out their lives and aren't emotionally available anymore to other women friendships. At least that's been my experience (sorry for my projection).

You're right about them not being mature enough or having the kind of communication skills to be honest about this connection. People who want a more deeper connection will respond in kind, to the other person making that gesture.

True, I wouldn't call them friends---just acquaintances. If they consider themselves friends of OP, then their definition of friendship is drastically different.

I don't know what you mean by women in their 50's have etched out their lives, unless you mean they are just too busy with their lives for a real friendship? If so, not for me. As I posted, I believe one MAKES time for what's important. And if a friendship is important, then it's a priority and other things take a backseat.

I use the analogy of a garden that needs tending to grow. If you neglect it, it will wither and die. It needs nourishment and attention. Similar to a house being sturdy. Without a good foundation, it will crumble.

I like your analogy of a garden/friendships and I agree with neglecting friendships means like a plant, they wither and die if not tended to.

My "etched out lives" comment about women in our 50s, is that by that age, most women have established friendships with other women and don't prioritize room for new friendships. That is a generalization of course, based on my own projection of being 52 with few friends and many acquaintances.

I unfortunately don't have those friendships but many acquaintances. Even so, I always have room for new friendships; I don't believe it's possible to have "too many friends." Being how I've had people pass away, move away, or ghost me, it's always a good thing to be open to a new person. I'm not saying anyone can replace someone else, no way. But too many friends? Not a thing.

I'm almost 10 years older than you and have read it's much harder to make new friends when you're older. Also I don't have the spouses, children, and grandchildren that a lot of women my age have. So they don't have the time to invest in anything new; they have plenty of support and their lives are full.

COVID certainly played a role, with people not wanting to be around other people so you lose that interaction. Or the people you used to see a lot, you don't anymore. So that routine or interaction just breaks down. Friendships to me seem situational at times, meaning it keeps going as long as you see them in a certain context. School is a good example. Back in those days it was easier to make friends since you see the same kids in class or around campus.

But after school ended, so did those friendships. I'm not in touch with anyone I knew in my youth. I envy people who have had friendships with people since kindergarden!

If they were being ‘polite’, then why would they have met me more than once? It’s ridiculous to tell people lies to spare their feelings as the truth will come our eventually, lol.

One lady hung out with me for months now hen blocked me on Instagram after telling me on a text that she was thinking about me & that she couldn’t wait to see my pics. Right!

That’s great that doing volunteer work helped you make some new friends. I’m the opposite of you, I like derp one on one discussions or discussions about stuff we’re both into.

You're so right the truth comes out eventually. Their true colors will show, and I've found it takes a crisis for that to happen. The people who stick by you are the real friends. I've had someone tell me how glad they are they met me, that I'm awesome, etc. and sent pictures of her cats too. I posted about this either in this thread or a similar one, but the point is I've had such similar experiences.

If it wasn't for this site, I'd have gone mad long ago.

That all sounds like junior high behavior. Telling you she's thinking about you then blocking you. And I think this technology makes people be more cowardly than ever.

I agree with everything that you said. Also, real friends don’t lie & b.s you & sat that they ‘thinking of you ‘ and would love to see your vacation pics’ & then block you once you only post a few if them up! Wth?

That is cruel, immature & rude behavior. Someone told me that this sick woman wanted me to text her & ask her what happened to feel like she’s powerful & in control of things.

I should’ve stopped talking her months ago as all she ever did was talk about herself,

Thanks Motts, you hit the nail on the head with everything 100%! They obviously lied about wanting to get together & wanting to see my pics. Why woyluld they do that?

I was nothing but nice to them. To nice as I listened to them talk about their various health issues,, work issues & other drama with no complaints at all.

As I said, they never asked about me at all! Everything was all about them! I think they couldn’t stand to not be the center of attention.

Itself obvious that they were very jealous of me too. Especially the nasty womanwho blocked me on Instagram after I posted my pics up. She claimed she wanted to see those pics., so why would she block me for posting them then?

Weird! I tend to attract these nasty selfish types for some reason! I don’t understand how other people cant see what they did was wrong & just brushed it off to personality differences like blocking someone for sharing pics is no big deal. I doubt they’d feel the same way if this happened to them.

I agree with everything that you said! I like your garden analogy. That’s so true!

Me too. Also I think our culture gaslights people a lot and make them feel it's THEIR fault for ANYTHING BAD: You lost your job, your car broke down, your doctor didn't call back, your sink backed up, etc. There's so much emphasis on individual responsibility, that bad things happen due to bad choices or judgement. And if people don't see how wrong that is, they are truly warped!

It's among the lines of how it seems so acceptable to ghost people these days. The behavior is as old as the human species itself, though the word wasn't used until the last 5 years? 10? We used to say "blow someone off".

Sorry to hear about what happened to you? Do you mind telling me what your similar experiences been like? Did you get any bad vibes from these people like I did but ignore your gut feeling at first? I did.

This site is great. Everyone is so supportive, kind, understanding, helpful, wise, honest and respectful of sny differences unlike the rest of the internet. It’s great that there are no trolls or bullies on here too.

Anyways, it is immature jr. high behavior m. I should’ve known better thsn to associate with her after she kept on talking sboit h.s & people from h.s. Obviously her best days are behind her now, lol.

I don’t understand why you even had issues with making & keeping friends as you seem like you’re a kind, genuine, intelligent, well spoken & compassionate person.

I’ll never understand people. I’m in the dame biar as you. I don’t have any kids either. It’s even harder to relate to most women who have kids.

About gaslighting people, that’s so true! If the same thing happened to the gaslighter, they’d be upset with anyone who dated to blame them for their problems, lol!

A lot of people ate hypocrites it seems like. Before long no one will be talking to each other maybe. People will just sit there & be on their phone which is a scary thought!

It’s already happening with some people actually. A few people will just sit there & pay more attention to their phone than me which is rude & insulting. I won’t associate with anyone who does that to me again.

Too painful to write in detail; they aren't worth the time and effort. But I will just write this:

I didn't get exactly "bad vibes" from the young woman who was so enthusiastic about meeting me, even helping me pick out a smartphone and going with me to the store! But I wondered why she was being so giving and nice, having just met me. People don't usually do that, so I wondered about ulterior motives. So my gut warned me but I told myself not to be so cynical, that there ARE nice people out there. That's why I think it was some kind of experiment, to see how far it would go.

She once wore these socks that said "bad b i t c h" on them and now I see it wasn't a joke or in fun, it's true!

I wonder if men treat other men this way. We know women are "catty" and they stab you in the back. But a man will stab you in the front, meaning you know where you stand with them. If he doesn't like you, you know he doesn't like you. No pretense of being your friend. Of course it's not ALL men or women, just generalizations.

I can't say that everyone is supportive on here. Like in real life, it's hit and miss---no matter what site or forum.

Seems our posts overlap, as I hit preview and saw more posts from you.

I had problems with trolls on sites that merely are for posting comments about some unknown number calling! The so-called moderators WERE the trolls, deleting people's legit comments or ridiculing their comments. I abandoned the site in August last year. I now go where my posts don't get deleted.

Ghosting is not just done in the dating context, it can be done with co-workers, neighbors, etc. Or they are around but act like they don't know you.

The instructor in an exercise class I go to sometimes acts like he's never seen me before if I see him elsewhere, and when I've said hello to him he IGNORES ME. **** him. Yesterday he was helping out with tech support because few high school kids showed up at the senior center. (Spring break) If it was my turn, I'd tell him I'll wait for the next kid to help me. He can help the next person.

About the phone thing, the AI stuff is just taking over. I think you're right that someday it will be only through devices. Scary! I see so many people just glued to their phones. I wonder if they are talking to CLOSE friends or acquaintances. And if they are reading, is it an article or a message? Now I'm really thinking about these things, wondering about people around me.

Supposedly this is very common, being lonely, but people don't want to admit it. What does THAT tell you about this culture? SICK, SICK, SICK that's what.

I don't get it either. Thanks. Smart and hardworking yet still have trouble with employment. Nice person but no partner. I think the same of you, you're also kind and well-spoken and intelligent. You have been kind to me on here.

I don't understand either and believe these things are random and not "meant to happen", like that bs we keep repeating "Things happen for a reason." It's the WORSE thing anyone could say to me after a setback or events like people disappearing.

Sadly, my last boyfriend was a gaslighter, i still question reality, ten years after he disappeared, his gaslighting and abuse pushed me straight into mental illness, which i have never escaped the grip of ............ sighs