Why did all my new friends start ignoring me? Are they jealous?

Oh we’re not that dissimilar, I do like deeper one to one discussion with the right people, and I can count on one hand the number I do have that closeness with. It took a long time to develop that closeness though and the activity based approach was a good way to be social and get to slowly know people.

I’m reading the situation you’re describing as a friendship group cultivated online with in person meet ups is that right? You sound like you have a pretty good insight into the behaviour of these people, but that you feel that you have a general issue with attracting this sort of self obsessed person? I’m wondering if you feel a change of approach might help you. This isn’t the same as saying it’s your fault btw, sometimes we unknowingly end up with the wrong people because it can feel familiar to us sometimes to do with our family of origin.

Discomb, what do you mean by family of origin? Do you mean it might be due to our upbringing or family dynamics?

Jesyka, RUN, don't walk from these women. Run, run, run.....with the wind!

I'm reminded of a neighbor who once told me "it goes both ways" when I listened to her vent, meaning she'd listen to ME also. One time I called her and woke her. I said, sorry I can call later. She said no, that's okay. After about 30 seconds of listening to me, she said "I'm going back to sleep now" and hung up on me. Seriously...

After all the times she kept calling me about stuff and I listened to HER. Then the obvious bs about being there to listen to me too.

Yes that’s right, I meant the family who raised us, so often the patterns are set then.

Sorry for the slow response. I have fibromyalgia, knee issues, back pain & I’ve been busy lately too. It takes me more time than most people to do what I need to do usually, ugh.

I didn’t forget about you or this thread. Anyways, thst lady who helped you with your phone was weird! Those socks were a warning sign, lol 😆

And that other women who showed you cat pics was also weird. Obviously all she cared abour was herself. She couldn’t even listen to you for 30 seconds! Rude!

Maybe we’re both to nice for our own good at times. I’ve had it with selfish people. I blocked & deleted their numbers. They were probably all jealous of me.

I already met a few mire women who seem like thet might be a better fit for me. Unfortunately they sll talked a out themselves mostly but they didvask me a few questions.

And they actually have interesting things to say & they have lots of information to offer as well. At kesst thet don’t go on & on about the same old boring crap sll the time!

I think I might have been bloen off again as there have already been 3 family issues thst came up with 3 of them at once, lol 😆

Just my luck! Is that becoming the latest excuse to use these days? That & having family members die right after meeting them? lol 😆. It’s not funny if it is true though. If it isn’t, then that’s ridiculous thst they’d use such extreme excuses. lol 😆

Info have dome insight into their bizarre behavior, but not much. What do you mean by change of approach? What should I do differently?

I’m repelled by these type of people. I will stop giving out second undeserved chances starting now.

No more! I have met a few new women & well meet more soon hopefully. Hopefully these other women won’t be flaky.

It’s good that you are not staying in situations where you feel disrespected.

When I talked about change of approach it’s not really for me to say what that might be, your situation is unique to you and only you know whether there’s something needs to change in how you meet people. Good luck and hope you do make some more reciprocal friendships.

Thanks. I will no longer tolerate ANY disrespect! I recently told the mooch I talked about in another thread that it’s inappropriate to expect people to pay for her stuff all the time. And snd I called her out on her lies to my people pleaser friend too.

She thanked me for my honesty then blocked me later, lol. My friend finally stopped talking to her too.

I’m sure thar I’ll probably tell someone else off to their face sooner or later if they end up upsetting me. I have REALLY had it with rude selfish people! LOL!!!! 😆

Sorry you have been in such pain. 😔

The woman who helped me pick a phone was the same one who sent me cat pictures and wore socks that said “bad b i t c h”. I thought how could a giving person like her wear those?! I was going to delete the pictures of her cats but am keeping them. That’s because I love cats and it’s also a reminder to be very careful of anyone who’s too eager to be my friend. I was so hurt, she seemed so sincere. She also gave me a pair of cat socks and made a special trip to drop off an extra phone charger! And ghosted me!

The woman who wouldn’t listen to me much more than 30 seconds after saying it goes both ways was my neighbor. I know it’s hard to keep up, lol.

I wonder about being too nice too but I can’t go against my nature. I’m proud of the good person I am and can’t be something I’m not. And even if I did do that, I’m sure it’d backfire on me anyway, with my luck.

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Same here! I’d have multi quoted your posts but hard to do on a phone, lol.

My bs radar is better now so I won’t mince words if this happens to me again, which I’m sure it will. I’ve had it too, people pretending to be or want to be a real friend. Then ghosting me. It’s lonely but better than being hurt.

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I don’t understand why that lady ghosted you. The only thing that might make some sense is if she started seeing some guy. Some women will ditch friends the second a guy comes along.

I’ve had that happen to me a lot. Your neighbor was rude & selfish. I’m kind of bitter niw & on the berge of giving uo on even trying to make new friends.

I keep on having the same issues with these rude selfish types . I can’t deal with the constant rejection & the unsatisfying ‘friendships’ anymore. It seems like people just want transactional ‘friendships’ these days.

lol! I hesr you! Seriously, I’m sure thst I’ll just snap & let the next rude selffish person know exactly hiw I feel, lol!

I already blockrd & deleted the phonies who pretended to like my pics to Spain. Obviously they were all jealous of me as I never heard from them again.

I actually wrote something similar on here a while back about feeling like I wanted to give up on developing friendships, like you I had ghosting and with no apparent reason by someone I was fond of - I still don’t know why.

Sometimes taking the pressure off can help, in my case having some alone time, keeping social through acquaintances and activities.

I think close friendships, true ones are rare, it takes time to find those gems, if you do then treasure them, that’s my philosophy anyway.

You’ve done the right thing for your self esteem walking away from fake friends.

Here’s my first attempt to do multiple quotes on a tiny screen, lol. Yeah I know women can drop other women friends for men. If that was the reason I wonder was it just me or her other friends.

Yeah people seem to call transactional friends actual friends, when it’s more like acquaintances. It keeps happening to me too, even online. People I used to interact with a lot and considered them friends suddenly stopped “talking” to me! Or they unloaded heavy stuff on me then disappeared! And in some cases these people claimed to have had similar experiences to mine, THEN ghost me after saying they would never treat me that way!!!! Yeah right. They are sorry that happened to me, it sucks, etc. What kind of person does that?!

I often wonder if Covid played a role. Not saying this behavior is excused but maybe the last 3 years made people even weirder than they already were. In other words, it brought out the worst in people. I posted about it in a similar thread.

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Yeah I can relate, except I have no acquaintances to do things with. And I’m not sure that would be a comfort, just more of the same superficial stuff. Right now I talk to no one except one person.

I did read the US has a loneliness epidemic, exacerbated by Covid. People don’t want to even admit to being lonely as there’s a stigma to it, like a lot of things in this shallow, godforsaken country.

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Sorry to hear that. Can you provide the link to your thread please? I’d like to read it.

It’s nice to know it’s not just me. I already met 3 wimen & only one contacted me back. I’ll be meeting two this week & possibly 3 or 4 more in a few weeks when they’re available.

This is more work than fun! I have yet to feel a true connection with anyone yet.

I really might just give up soon if things don’t work out. It’s to stressful & annoying to have to do most if the contacting & most of the intiating.

Wow, you & I have had very similar experiences! I’ve been contacted by men too online when I placed afs out. Perverts mostly, lol. And if course fake nice guy friend ls who were only interested in sex it seemed like, ugh, So male friends are permanently off my list, lol.

I don’t think that COVID is the issue. People have always been fickle & flaky like thus! Inthinknthat once people don’t need you anymore, they toss you aside as if you were nothing but trash to them.

They lie of course to keep you around. That sucks why they said they’d never do thst to you then leave. It’s like a guy saying he loves you or thst he wants to marry you just so he can trick you into having sex with him, lol 😆 Not quite, but it’s like that in a way.

Be careful next time & pay attention to actions, not words. If they never ask about you, then that is a huge red flag. So is flakiness. And having a lot of issues with people usually that is never their fault.

You & I need to start setting stronger boundaries it derms like. We both tolerated to much b.s for to long. Nice people often get used & abused if they’re to nice & tolerant.

I wish that we lived nearby so that we could be friends in real life, but you probably don’t live in Ca. lol.

@jesyka

Friendship anxieties

Here’s the link to my thread, I noticed you left me a hug so I think you’ve read at least the beginning of it although I did add to it as time went on.

Hi, thanks. It’s good to know that I’m not alone here.

What does afs mean?

I don’t mean Covid is the reason but I believe it exacerbated existing flakiness!

I have paid attention to actions and still got burned. And just cause someone asks about me didn’t mean it was sincere. It was out of politeness or they weren’t accepting of what I felt about events or minimized things. I had one former “friend” say I “just have to believe everything will work out”. I’m sure it was to end an uncomfortable conversation and no true friend would do that. Through thick and thin as the saying goes. I’m sick of fair weather friends and toxic positivity too.

Still I can’t be someone I’m not. I do have boundaries I didn’t before but won’t stop being kind. There is enough meanness out there.

I am telling a Girl Scout I’ve been writing to that if it’s okay if she’s not into writing anymore. It took her over a year to write back so I can’t be much of a priority. But I enjoy it enough to at least see if she prefers texting like many young people do. I also said I hope to get a reply sooner than a year and to let me know either way…she wants to continue or not.



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You are not. If it wasn’t for this site and these threads I would have thought it was just me.

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