Dating After Abuse and Dealing With Life Changes

My landlord miscommunicated with the realtor about a new roommate. The realtor sent the prospective roommate an email, asking for a $250 fee to be added to the lease! First of all, my landlord agreed that a new roommate will NOT be on the lease. Secondly, the roommate asked me if there was any fee to apply, and I said no, so the $250 charge came as a total surprise and caused her to back out. There wasn't supposed to be a fee involved. The roommate was only required to complete an application, not a fee plus application plus being added to the lease!

I am still pissed that this happened. My problems would have been largely resolved had she been able to move in.

Could you contact her now and say it was a mistake so she could reconsider?

She told me no and that she was being provided housing by her employer.

I informed her that it was a mistake, but she was dubious after my landlord DELAYED getting the application to her for DAYS, and THEN asked for a $250 fee!! He told me there is no urgency, when there WAS urgency and I needed to get the application to her ASAP. What an a-hole..... he seriously f'ed this all up!

ARGH!!!!!

I should have just kept the personal loan rather than borrow money from my mother. It's stressing me out far more to borrow from her. And so whatever, I would go deeper into debt with a personal loan with an interest rate of 16%... that's better to me than being stressed about money through my mom.

Hey, I am so happy to hear you got away from your obsessed narc hubby and moving on. I don't know what it's like in America but why not just leave your place and move back in with your mam if she has a spare room or something and start looking for a new place, you could find work and save a lot of money in the process or maybe moving in with your boyfriend, would that be an option?. This is what I did five years ago when the landlord kicked me out because he was selling up and then I moved in with my boyfriend but things moved pretty fast then and didn't like it so that didn't work out either. It just could be an option for you if you were desperate that's all.

Hope signed new lease for a year so moving with mom would mean owing ton of money to a landlord. And she just started dating a guy so moving in with him isn’t a good idea. Not recommendable. Sure people do that but it doesn’t usually end well.

Thank you.... it hasn't been an easy process (leaving him).

I already talked with mom about living with her and we both agreed it's not the healthiest decision for me. So, right now I won't be living with her. Can't live with Jay either. He's not a boyfriend. I am staying put and am getting a roommate.

Absolutely. Years ago my dad complained how I am wasting money living on my own instead of moving in with them and how I could save so much money living with parents. No thanks. My sanity was more important to me than money.

No it never is easy. There is years of healing to be done afterwards because narcissistic abuse is so dangerous. Although I did recommend you move in with Jay if you were desperate but realistically speaking going in to another relationship during the healing process isn't something id ever recommend to anyone in your position. Good for you, stay put and keep searching for a room mate. You've got this, girl.

Well, then again, with an interest rate of 16%, I'd be paying it off til death. But yeah, my sanity is important too. What's done is done. It's gone now.

Thank you.

Jay and I are taking things slow. I don't know what will happen. He may even move far away. Maybe not, but not sure how serious he would want to become. He's said that he doesn't think he can commit down the road to living with someone. He may not be commitment material. and is just here for now for me.

If he says he thinks he can’t commit, then I’d believe it and plan on it not being long term. When they say it up front, they make their intentions known. He’s not commitment material and is up front about it. Nothing wrong with that. Just make sure you don’t get hurt

Yeah.... I want to follow up on that conversation with him sometime.

I am FUMING right now.

I had to talk to my husband about our taxes this morning. He insisted on coming by my apartment at 7:30 this morning to sign the tax paperrwork, and I said no., I will come by your office at noon and you can sign it then, as we had agreed upon yesterday. Well, he got me on the phone at 7:15 AM and reamed into me, about everything needing to be on my terms, how I am selfish and self serving, how his brother thinks I am using him, and how he is not happy with me. This is ALL after him telling me just YESTERDAY how much he loves me and cannot live without me, while bawling his eyes out.

More abuse! I am SO done with this a-hole. I hate him with every fibre of my entire being.....

this morning was a GREAT reminder of ALL the reasons why I left him in the first place. He claims he has changed... he has NOT changed one single bit! All I got this morning was more abuse.

So, I've blocked him. I told him off, then blocked him. I will have to see him today to sign the tax paperwork. I will not listen to anything else he has to say, and I am just done talking to him... for good.

Smart going to his office with witnesses. Him wanting to get you alone in your home is yet another ploy

You are using him… that’s rich.

I know... I was offended when he told me that his brother told him that I am using him. ARGH!

I did go to his office and he bawled his eyes out to me at the car, begging and pleading for me to give him another chance. I said no. We talked for a bit, but he cannot understand or absorb my perspective at all. I tell him I can't trust him, and he says to me, yes you can trust me... we went around in circles, until finally I just cut him off and said I had to leave.

He doesn’t need to absorb or understand.

So he says you are using him and you are selfish, but then pleading for you to take him. It makes no sense. None.

Hugs to you. At least you see his actions for what they are. Circular conversations are the worst, especially when you see it happening and you have to find a way to end it- and it rarely ends with any sort of resolution.

It sounds like you handled it well and used good boundaries with him.

That's abuse for you... he says mean things in one breath, and is crying and pleading with me in the next.

Thank you! It helps to hear positive feedback.