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Default Jun 07, 2023 at 08:33 PM
  #601
The guy is literally nobody to you. So I say he has no power to throw you off balance as he is of no importance. Don’t let him monopolize your thoughts
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Default Jun 08, 2023 at 06:16 AM
  #602
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The guy is literally nobody to you. So I say he has no power to throw you off balance as he is of no importance. Don’t let him monopolize your thoughts
Ugh, he was at the show last night. I avoided him entirely and received a lot of support from the women there, thankfully. It effected me for a day, but no more.

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Default Jun 08, 2023 at 08:53 AM
  #603
I have an interview today, the first one in weeks! It seems I am now being contacted for work possibilities and more than one. I feel encouraged!

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Default Jun 08, 2023 at 01:20 PM
  #604
I am sitting here waiting for the next 45 minutes until my interview. I am nervous since I haven't interviewed in weeks and feel out of practice. This agency has mainly positive employee reviews online, although multiple reviews mention a clique-ey culture. They say that you cannot move up within the company unless you're part of the "in" crowd. That is a deterrent for me, but I am no longer in a position to be so picky. At this point, I need a job... I am willing to bend on some things if necessary, but I truly pray that the next role I take is in a healthy work environment. My last company was also very clique-ey and I wasn't a part of the "in" crowd there. I was a definite outsider given my leave of absence and change in job responsibilities. The role before that? I felt pretty integral and very much a part of my team. I think my personality, attitude, and humor were appreciated there.

But yeah, if you can't be promoted unless you are a part of the "in" crowd? Makes me think I would have to figure out who that involves and become chummy with them right off the bat.

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Default Jun 08, 2023 at 03:09 PM
  #605
I was too nervous and messed up in a couple places in my interview, ARGH!!!!

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Default Jun 08, 2023 at 03:18 PM
  #606
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That guy rubbed me SO the wrong way that I have felt off balance all day as a result of our exchange and his nastiness. I couldn't shake it off today. It really got to me and it really bothered me. What is wrong with some people? I rejected him, so he had to lash out at me, and try to demean and insult me? What a sick man... boy I should say. It was really immature.
This is where Stoicism comes in handy for me, because the stoics didn't think highly of much of the human race. They believed in practising kindness as a virtue and not judging individuals, however as a whole they said humans are ignorant, petty, jealous and cruel-- but believed it's not their fault because they cannot tell right from wrong. Thus the Stoics believed in not taking people's bad behaviour seriously, and especially never judging yourself by what anyone says about you.

For me this is a counterpoint to what I was taught growing up, that everyone has good in them and it was up to me to appeal to that by being evangelical and trying to make everyone see the good in Christianity, in kindness, etc etc. I've always been shocked and hurt by nasty people.

If I had kids I would teach them the Stoic view so they will not be upset by people being jerks. Some awful people may have some small amount of goodness buried deep inside but from an external perspective if they're not going to be accessing that goodness it may as well not exist.


Basically people are jerks so it should not stun us when they act like jerks. I need to always remind myself of this too so I can move on.
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Default Jun 08, 2023 at 03:28 PM
  #607
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I was too nervous and messed up in a couple places in my interview, ARGH!!!!

Hope that you get the job. We all mess up.

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Default Jun 08, 2023 at 05:42 PM
  #608
Stoicism certainly has some valid points. Thanks re: the job. I am not holding my breath.

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Default Jun 09, 2023 at 04:05 AM
  #609
I'm really down on myself over my poor interviewing skills yesterday. I really messed up.

There were a couple of moments when I wasn't very articulate with my thoughts, and once I finished saying what I was saying, she didn't reply to me and just moved on with the interview. It was recorded, too. That's a first. I should have said I don't want it recorded. I don't think I am getting a call back for this one.

Maybe it's just as well, since they are reportedly very clique-ey? And the average age is from 20's-30's? I would be an outlier, being 52 years old! I don't need or want that. And, I didn't do well with a clique-ey culture in my last job.

I am trying to make myself feel better if I get rejected.

I have one other job possibility on the table, with New Balance, the sports company. It's a 6-month freelance role with possibility of turning full-time. A recruiter is working with me on that one.

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Default Jun 09, 2023 at 04:13 AM
  #610
And.. my ex husband has a new "intro" on his FB profile. Yes, I've blocked him, but I can still see him through my fictitious FB account that I use for my abuse support groups.

He wrote "fun loving for sure, empathetic, love live music, concerts and festivals, a caring soul".

I think I am going to be sick. Fun loving? NO way. Empathetic? Yeah right. A caring soul? BS.

Clearly, he is dating and is trying to attract a woman on Facebook.

I am totally triggered right now. He said ALL those things to me in the beginning, and it all turned out to be a big fat LIE.

He told me, "I will never break your heart. I will never make you cry. I will never cheat on you. I am a very caring, loving and supportive person."

He did all of the above and then some. What a big fat freaking liar.

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Last edited by Have Hope; Jun 09, 2023 at 05:14 AM..
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Default Jun 09, 2023 at 05:20 AM
  #611
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And.. my ex husband has a new "intro" on his FB profile. Yes, I've blocked him, but I can still see him through my fictitious FB account that I use for my abuse support groups.

He wrote "fun loving for sure, empathetic, love live music, concerts and festivals, a caring soul".

I think I am going to be sick. Fun loving? NO way. Empathetic? Yeah right. A caring soul? BS.

Clearly, he is dating and is trying to attract a woman on Facebook.

I am totally triggered right now. He said ALL those things to me in the beginning, and it all turned out to be a big fat LIE.

He told me, "I will never break your heart. I will never make you cry. I will never cheat on you. I am a very caring, loving and supportive person."

He did all of the above and then some. What a big fat freaking liar.
When people have to spell out to you they’ll do this or that or talk about themselves how loving and caring they are, they usually aren’t. No one speaks about themselves in that manner. I literally never told anyone I am loving and caring. And my favorite is “I am emphatic”. People who say it about themselves in most cases are the opposite of it. He knows what to say to hook women. Eventually everyone wises up.
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Default Jun 09, 2023 at 07:09 AM
  #612
The lies are what get to me the most. It's all a huge lie and facade. I wish I had known better, but now I do.

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Default Jun 09, 2023 at 09:59 PM
  #613
It's probably always going to hurt somewhat when you see that - can you block him?


And people can say whatever they like on dating profiles. Talk minus action equals zero.
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Default Jun 10, 2023 at 03:54 AM
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It's probably always going to hurt somewhat when you see that - can you block him?


And people can say whatever they like on dating profiles. Talk minus action equals zero.
I blocked him. I won't be looking at his social media anymore.

I like that... talk minus action equals zero.

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Default Jun 10, 2023 at 05:03 AM
  #615
Yesterday, I sent a rejection letter to the agency with which I just interviewed. I had a negative gnawing feeling in my gut about the company, after reading numerous reviews telling me that they are very clique-ey and that you can't move up unless you're in the "in" group. Screw that. I am not one of those insider types of people, and I know I would struggle there as I already have within a clique-ey work environment. I am very much my own person and march to the beat of my own drum. I don't do cliques or popularity contests. lol... I go to work, I do my work, and I go home. I also don't need to be working in an environment that is so young, with mainly 20 and 30 year olds. Given that and the cliqu-ey culture, I know I wouldn't fit in there.

Also, it's nearly the anniversary of my father's death. Next Friday the 16th is my dad's anniversary. I have been crying more lately, thinking of him and the loss of him. I miss my dad sooo much. He should have lived well into his 90's. His life was cut short.

And yes, I had trouble with him when I was younger, but as a grown adult, he improved and became more supportive of me. He wasn't perfect, but he did improve, so I must give him credit for that.

I just miss him. My mom is missing him a lot too.... and my sister rarely talks about it.

This is not an easy time for me. I am doing OK overall though. In fact, given the challenges I face, I think I am doing pretty well. I try to stay positive every single day.

Also, I may have my first life coaching client! That's exciting. I am waiting for him to get in touch with me.

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Default Jun 11, 2023 at 06:30 AM
  #616
I hope he calls you for life coaching. How does it work? Do you have a system laid out for the process?

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Default Jun 11, 2023 at 04:52 PM
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I hope he calls you for life coaching. How does it work? Do you have a system laid out for the process?
I don't yet because I haven't finished my course! This is a bit early on for me to be starting, but oh well. He hasn't contacted me yet anyways.

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Default Jun 12, 2023 at 03:05 AM
  #618
I'm up at 3:30 am again this morning. Argh. I haven't had a period in 3 months, and the hot flashes or sweats seem to be on the increase. This is fun.. not.

I've been struggling over the fact that my ex husband is likely sleeping with other women. This part is hard for me to stomach. I have little problem being alone now or without him, really. But sex? It's upsetting to think of him having sex with someone else, touching someone else or even kissing someone else. I try to eliminate the thoughts from my mind or ignore and dismiss them, but they keep coming back. ARGH.

Maybe this is the last part of me letting go? Knowing he will move on and will let me go? I feel some sort of claim over him, like he's mine, and that's not right, nor does it make any sense.

I slept with a guy for the 3rd time this weekend. I don't want to be with him again. His approach is very porn like, which is not my style. And he was a bit too rough for my tastes. Funny thing though. I was at the club Sat night, meeting up with him, and another new guy came into the picture, a much cuter guy, while I was there. He was very attracted to me and kept coming up to me. Eventually, I gave him my number. Turns out that he too, lives an hour away from me in another state. Why can't I seem to meet people who live closer by me? Of course, because this particular club is out of state, that I am meeting men who live in that state. I am not going to do online dating to meet more eligible men. Not now while I am still unemployed.

This one says he wants to get to know me better. That's a better start than come home with me. He was there alone. He is very very cute... blonde hair and blue eyes, which I like.

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Default Jun 12, 2023 at 07:29 AM
  #619
I just made plans with the new guy to go strawberry picking at a farm located halfway between us. I suggested it.... something different than the usual/typical dinner or drinks date I figured. I want him to know that I am different than a lot of women. I also thought it would be a fun date. So, we're meeting up on Thursday afternoon - I am excited!

I also have a pretty fun-filled and packed week ahead. I am going out of state next weekend with a girlfriend to see 2 concerts of a long-time favorite band. That should be a great bonding experience with a single female around my age - I'm really looking forward to it.

I also am beginning to tour condos for my mom to buy. I saw one yesterday on the ocean, with an amazing waterfront view. Unfortunately, it wasn't the right kind of condo for me, so I am seeing another of interest this week.

And I have so much else to do between job searching & finishing up my course! It should be a good week ahead though.

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Default Jun 12, 2023 at 10:17 AM
  #620
I had to chuckle about being different from a lot of women by going strawberry picking. Honestly most women, especially getting older, would prefer other stuff over going drinking. In my experience lots of women prefer to do lots of different things. Not sure what those women are for whom day time activity is something unique. Doing day time activity not involving substances is much better to get to know people

Maybe there’s a local venue you can go to if you want local guys? But actually an hour away is still local. I drive an hour one way for work. So it’s local.

No need for rough guys. Smart move ending it with him.

I’d try not to worry about if your ex sleeps with anyone simply because you slept with a significant number of men in just a few months yourself. Honestly it’s unlikely he already sleeps with anyone. Where and how he’d meet all these women willing to hook up? It’s not that easy! I am sure he’s not doing anything yet especially since he apparently quit his job. He sounds like a total mess
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