Asking for other people's phone number

The thing an social media is that it’s easy to block or ignore people. It’s easier to do than using a landline or coming to someone’s door lol. I’m not saying I’d do that but all this technology makes it easier to find where someone lives or goes to school, etc.

So it’s easier to teach them online but also easier for them to cut you off if they want. I didn’t grow up with this technology and feel it’s a double edged sword. We say “connect” to people but it’s not a connection unless I’m close to that person.

The word “friend” implies more than a superficial connection so I wish forums used another word like pal or buddy or something.

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I agree, if someone truly wanted to stay in contact then they will find another way to reach out to you. Also asking someone why they gave you their number if they didn't want to be bothered is a good idea, I've considered doing the same thing and maybe they'll think before giving out their numbers knowing they don't want to be bothered. Also I agree people really have gotten meaner even online, I genuinely think the pandemic brought out the worst in people. You would think it would bring people together and maybe it did for a very brief period but then the nastiness of others came out, it made people who I thought were good turn toxic and those who were already toxic but tolerable are now intolerable to be around.

I agree, the word friend is used way too loosely. In fact, I think there was only one site a long ago that used the word pal. I think it was called pin pals, I never used it but I think it was a site where you could connect with others but can't remember for sure.

Good points. I see below I typed "teach" someone online but I meant "reach", lol. But I guess it's also a teaching moment, teach people how to behave.

Yeah I certainly will ask why did you give me your number if I get that bs again. Hopefully they'll think twice before doing it to anyone else. Maybe at the time they were sincere but changed their mind. In that case, they should hold off before they are more sure and not do it just to be polite. (If that's why they do it)

COVID did bring out the worst, as people got more selfish. We got divided over masks, vaccinations, etc. A public health crisis yet people still did what they wanted, not thinking of everyone else.

My unneighborly building got even more so when COVID hit. We're all sitting at home yet nobody talked to anyone (at a safe distance!).

I still remember that stupid slogan I heard over the PA system at the grocery store in 2020/2021, "We're all in this together." No, we weren't. Unless everyone thought that way, they were empty words. We were never "together", especially in this individualistic country. And every state did what they want, so no national solidarity for sure.

It's been a s h i t t y 3 years and this COVID thing was/is as bad as a traditional war. But battling a tiny virus and each other. No guns, not in THAT sense but in many others, sadly.

Yep if someone was sincere at first but then they changed their minds, they should've waited. Same goes for inviting others to an occasion and secretly hoping they don't show up, it would be much better to just not invite the person. Yeah Covid really divided everyone, if you got Covid then that meant you did something you weren't supposed to do or didn't do something you were supposed to do and therefore suffer the consequences in the eyes of others. The paranoia got out of hand real quick, sadly I think left a permanent scar on everyone's mentality.

I had an experience yesterday making me think of this thread! I even wrote a note to myself to post here.

I ran into a nice lady I met in the walking group at the senior center. We live just 2 blocks from each other and used to walk back together since the walk was too long for us. I haven’t gone in months but did run into her at the store once.

After some catching up she said she lost my number. I said we never exchanged numbers and she asked if I want to. I said yes and she entered my number in her cell phone. I said I’m still getting the hang of mine and she called my home number then and there. She also said now her number will show on my Caller ID. I don’t know why she assumed I have it but I do. After I asked did she let it ring more than once she said no and called again! I said the ID doesn’t appear after just one ring. She even told me her last name and how the ID should appear! Then she said now you have my number.

If I had stayed at the gym just 5 minutes more I’d have missed her. When we first said hi she looked like she was going to hug me then hesitated. I then reached to hug her. It’s a good sign she’s aware not everybody likes hugging. (I do)

She then said we can walk together independently of the group.

I decided to call her at the next
walk at the center and see if she’s going. I’m keeping the healthy skepticism because of past experiences posted here and those not. I’ll see if she acts like she doesn’t know me. Or wonder why I’m calling!

I ran into her again today but we just said hi.

Last time we walked she wanted to be sure I knew how to get home because we took a different route!

Maybe there’s hope still. It made my day that finally someone else reached out instead of me all the time. It made my day. I thought about asking her about numbers but due to past bad experiences I didn’t.



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I very rarely give my number out, dont even know my number cause number dyslexic messes numbers up

Its a different world now, as a child in the 90s my grandma had the phone numbers for half the street and thought nothing of phoning everyone up to check on all of the houses around her house

Now if someone was to phone up all their neighbours, they would get into a trouble

I believe we should be slow to ask for someone's phone number. It's far preferable, I think, to wait for the other person to offer their phone number, if they so desire. I'm trying to think of what would be a good reason to request someone's phone number, and I don't see too many circumstances that make it appropriate. If I sense that a potential friendship may be budding, I'ld be more likely to hand the person a paper or card with my number on it and say, "Feel free to give me a call, if blah-blah-blah." (Like - "if you need a ride," or "if you have any questions about the job," or "if there's anything I can do for you.") This respects the other person's privacy. It leaves them in control of how they want to manage a boundary, without putting them in an awkward position. I've really appreciated when others have handed me their phone number with an invitation to call on them should I need or want to.

As I think about it, I have to say that it's very rare that I would ever consider it polite to ask someone for their phone number. It's kind of like inviting yourself to their home.

Phoning someone is very much like showing up at their door. I would never assume someone wants me to do that.

I did test the waters by calling her, mainly to ask if she knew why police helicopters are circling in our area and she didn’t, but said someone else told her there’s a lot of cops just a block from me. I also asked if she’s going walking next week but said she’s not sure.

On the subject of calls it takes a lot of nerve to stop calling someone you see face to face. The receptionist from the senior center used to call me after she found out nobody calls me. It was a few minutes and superficial but still interaction with someone. Then she stopped. I asked her why when I dropped by there and she said she’s been busy. I know she’s not a “friend” ghosting me but I was still disappointed about yet another phony person.

And on the subject of calls, phone companies seem to think we all have people to talk to. For some unexplained reason my plan is giving me extra data and touting that I have unlimited calling and texting for the US, Canada and Mexico. But I have nobody to call.

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haha tell me about it. Facebook is like a little window in to peoples lives and no one blinks an eye lid.

On the subject of phone number eitquette, here's another thing that I've had come up. Occasionally someone has asked me to give them someone else's phone number. I always decline. Typically I say that I just don't give out others' phone numbers. I might say that "I will give them your number and your request that they call you." It is almost never good manners to ask someone for a third party's phone number. Once, a relative asked me if I had the phone number of another relative. I said "No." even though I did have that phone number. It just wasn't my place to give that out. The person asking tended to be intrusive. I didn't want to inflict that on the third party.

Rose I do the same. It’s not my place to give out someone’s number.

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I was thinking back on when I was in college, this woman kept asking me for my phone number. She was just a classmate, not even an acquaintance. I didn't give it to her, but I can't remember what I said to try to discourage her. She was persistent no matter what I said. Eventually she gave up, but it didn't occur to me to ask her WHY she wanted it. Back then I wasn't as assertive, but now...watch out, LOL. I still remember her name, Kimberly, and her face, after over 40 years.

Interesting thoughts, @Yaowen! Thank you.

OP: what if you find a middle ground by asking sometimes? Say, every other time the thought of asking for a phone number comes up, do ask. In the other half of the case, refrain. See what happens.

Years ago an acquaintance was going to pick me up from the doctor. When I asked for his number in case I or the doctor cancels at the last minute, he wouldn’t give it to me. I think it’s a reasonable request in that case and I even said so. But I got stonewalled. Fortunately nothing happened but that was odd to say the least.

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Yeah situations like that are always confusing.

Yeah I understand that and yep people are way more paranoid and more likely to call the police or sue now than they used to be. There's a higher level of irritability and anger among others and they just d0n't want to be bothered. This actually seems to be prevalent among all age groups and I think the pandemic played a big part in it. I know some people who admitted that they would build a wall around their house or block everyone they know just so no one will ever bother them again which is sad the way the put it.

Yep I agree, it feels so intrusive asking without a very good reason. Even though some people seem to do it with ease after the first meet up, I still don't think it's a good idea to ask right off the bat. I only ask if I absolutely have to and even then I feel intrusive, some people will be annoyed that you asked regardless of the reason. In fact, I believe some people may give out their numbers when asked because they feel obligated and secretly hope you never actually contact them.

I agree, phone companies make it like we're all more social than we are.

Yep it's really weird.