The God complex

It does have that domino effect you described. I’ve even seen that happen with animals.

The abuse from my mother was nothing compared to the later in my adult life, emotional reaction the abuse from my husband caused me. It’s all tied together, though. The domino effect.

I don’t consider it a curse, and urge you not to either. That feels helpless. I’d rather be healthy. The psychological damage that was done is actually a scientific process that is natural to human nature. It just must be identified, addressed, and resolved to heal from the abuse the best you can and move forward in adult life. Of course, I have only learned that now, 30 years in hindsight.

It’s best to learn how to be healthy and work on that. Make healthy relationships and nurture those. Get rid of toxic ones.

Blueowl,I am so sorry to hear you are going through a difficult divorce. Hope you find solace soon.Hugs.

TishaBuv,In some weak moments I become pessimistic. Feel helpless.I am trying to stay strong as much as possible. Keep myself busy,find distractions and soothing activities. But there is a constant chatter in my mind that is hard to silence. I hope to heal ,it might be slow,but I will be there.Thank you for your motivating words.Hope you are healing too.

When we are very little we tend to think our parent just knows all the answers. Spoiler alert, they simply don’t and they also tend to be shaped by the generational messages and expectations they grew up with and see in their piers.

There were many generations that functioned on the “behaving a certain way in public despite things not being perfect in the home”. It’s also really only been the past 15 years where the label “Narcissist” started being used.

Also, there is a lot more learned about child development now than ever before. I am 66 and can look back and recall how badly children were treated when they genuinely had a learning disorder They were not helped, instead they were punished constantly.

I think it’s important to put things in perspective when evaluating a parent and deciding to think you were intentionally neglected and abused. While there are parents that are ignorant and negligent and even narcissistic, there are many who genuinely did not know and were often misguided by the messages and expectations of their generation.

Dear Open Eyes, parent or not ,nobody is perfect in this world and no body knows everything there is to know.I think every one learns as time passes by. What I was talking about is some people (adults)think they are born knowing everything and they don't need to correct themselves because their way is the highway. I will give you a very simple example. My mom always burnt pancakes. I remember saying (I was very young may be 4or5)...mom,they are burnt....And I am not going to go into the details of what punishment I got for saying so.My dad used to look at me with contempt saying you always whine and upset mom.The pancakes are just how they should be. They are perfect.I made perfect ones before age 10.
I am not sure why you brought up the context of learning disorders. I don't have a learning disorder,on the contrary I was a smart student growing up and a very selfdisciplined kid.A lot of my teachers have appreciated me.I am still not sure why a parent hates a girl,who makes breakfast,feeds the younger kids,serves mom and dad too,goes to school, gets A's and B's ,comes home,helps younger ones in homework,makes supper and then waits for the parents to come home to eat and rest.I have explained because you said parents in your generation punished for disorders as they were not understood.
After I read your last paragraph, I wanted to urge you to go and read my previous posts where I have shared certain things(that is only a tip of an iceberg),but then there are more than 800 posts to search.I will write a synopsis for you.
1.Burning a 4 year old by throwing sizzling hot liquid at her.(I got third degree burns on my lower legs,my face was the target,but I stepped back.It landed on my legs)

2.stripping a young female child butt naked and locking her out,because she decided daughter didn't deserve the dress bought by her.(I got attacked by a perve of the neighborhood)
3.Whacking a 6 year old on the head with a heavy object making her skull to crack for no reason.
I think I will stop here
Did their prior generations or peers expect this from them?Or modeled this for my parents.If so, there were many people who modeled how to be a parent around them to learn from.Why not follow and learn from those?There are good and bad examples all around for any generation. An adult can pick and choose and a lot of times people do.Normal people try and learn and correct themselves. I know you mean well,but I am triggered by your first sentence in the last paragraph. Trust me when I say this....I didn't jump to conclusions in a jiffy .I have beaten up myself for a long time thinking that I was a really bad girl.I deserved the abuse.And heck I have put them on pedestal myself and was trying to please them.Wanted tobe that good girl my parents wanted.Not until recently that I woke up and realized there is absolutely nothing else to do.Maybe she meant it literally when she said..go just die...I am alive against her wish. Now you tell me if was wrong to think my abuse was intentional. I saw a YouTube video just the other day.The person said it is hard to understand parental abuse unless you go through it.I think I did a good thing by not sharing it with anyone in real life.I think my intuition told me I will be misunderstood, so I kept quiet. Hence I am here on this forum.

My mention of learning disability was not insinuating you had that challenge. It was my older brother and a psychiatrist told my parents to use very strong discipline and no cuddling or bathing him. So my father took him out to the back shed and hit him with a belt and told him if he cried he would get hit harder. Then I witnessed him picked on every day on the bus and teachers were mean to him.

I was always stressed and traumatized daily from what I witnessed. Not only did my parents fail him but the psychiatrist failed him.

The treatment you describe experiencing was extreme abuse, horrific. Your parents were evil human beings.

How old are your parents?

Also, did your parents have a drinking problem? I ask because some people get very mean and abusive when they drink, even physically abusive.

I had a friend that was nice but would get real mean when she drank. She also developed an addiction to another drug and she ended up divorced and was not allowed near her two sons because she abused them.

The way a person behaves can be due to having a base problem that gets worse when they consume alcohol or combine alcohol with marijuana or cocaine.

For example, we develop an attraction to different movie stars yet if you learn about some of them they were known for having a very dark abusive side to them. Many of them were alcoholics and addicts.

There were no addiction or substance abuse issues.Some get high on substance, may be my parents get their high abusing me.

Yes, I can believe that.

I have witnessed adults neglect and do things to their children that is very wrong.
I was horrified and reported it to child protective services.

It may sound farfetched, but that is why my parents are very nice and generous with people.So that even when there is evidence of abuse,good samaritans are forced into silence under the weight of gratitude for the favours my parents do.When I witnessed the length my parents can go in terms of giving ( to only outsiders by the way) as a child it reinforced the idea that I was unlovable and faulty.Because they were capable of goodness that I saw.Now I put in the right perspective of me being their scapegoat, it really made sense.
OpenEyes,you said you reported to CPS.I am just curious and wanted to ask you.Would you if you were a friend of my parent and took favours and help from them a zillion times when you were in crisis ?Would you?

Yes! I would still report what I saw to CPS. I am brave where others choose to look the other way.

Ahh,I wish you were in my life.What made my suffering complicated is absence of that one brave person.My abusers were not too many,but there are plenty of flying monkeys.The flying monkeys make the abuse happen by turning the other way.They act mute,blind and deaf.COWARDS.

Yes! I most definitely noticed that. They fear calling out the abuse because they know they will become a target.
Yes, they often do look the other way. They are just as weak as the narcissistic abuser.

Some of those people who knew(I suspect they knew) I think were caught in a dilemma developed sympathy for me.While still maintaining friendships with my parents, they were extra kind to me.They liked me back then for who I was and still like me to this day.

I survived my childhood which is kind of a miracle in itself. I am grateful for a couple of people who were my angels and I think I survived because of their little kind gestures. For example serving me breakfast alongside with their own children, letting me sleep in their homes sometimes, giving me their kids sweaters for layering when shivering things like that.Or else I could've succumbed to the elements.

I don't know what the name of it is, but when people show a face to the outside world but in the house there is a different story... People find it hard to believe. Until it happens to you.

I shared my story with a person last week and the similarities in both our divorces were astounding.

There are patterns to these stories.

I cannot fathom having gown up like that. My parents loved me and I always felt safe at home. It was not until one relationship that made me realize people can be two-faced.

Although YouTube videos about narcissism are very informative, lately, they've been upsetting me because I do not understand why people treat others like that. It's really terrible and inhumane.

I read somewhere...."Street angels and house devils "Sounds like a fitting explanation to me.