Am I being lied to? This sounds weird.

I know you and I discussed autism on another thread, and I think you wrote that you are looking into a diagnosis?

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Originally Posted by jesyka I understand thar. My point us thus: the working all weekend on both Saturday & Sunday all of a sudden on too of working overtime during the week sounds fishy to me. It spinds like a lie. She’s never said anything about working on the weekends before. We never had any manor disagreements, so I don’t understand why she’d do this. I’m not unreasonable. If she needs space, she should just tell me that & not make up a possible lie that I’d question her on.

Lie or not, she is telling you she doesn't have time for you & doesn't want to make time....whether she says it directly or not

I also think it’s worth to remember not only she works a lot of hours but she’s also married, so she would spend time with her husband too and perhaps she has kids too?

I don’t believe in being attached to the hip and I socialize with my girlfriends too but for someone who’s working full time and is married it’s unrealistic to spend frequent weekends with girlfriends. Just not realistic for the life style. Maybe once a month?

I misunderstood what you said, sorry. I don’t ask her to do things all the time. I only ask her to go out once or twice a month tops. She actually told me thar she’s glad that I get her out of the house.

So if she actually doesn’t want to go out, doesn’t that contradict what she said? Why can’t people just simply say no, not interested or that they’re not able to go out instead of making the lame ‘I’m busy’ excuse which could or could not be true.

Trying to read peoples minds is annoying, even if I’m not on the spectrum. I like people to be upfront & not force me to guess wth they really mean.

How do other people guess things correctly? I’m sure that even neurotypical people don’t even get these hard to read hints until it’s done a few times maybe.

I have actually told my friend that I might have undiagnosed autism &! that I literally can’t take hints ar times, so I’d appreciate it if she could be direct with me.

So it’s on her now to communicate with me in a way that I can understand things. To me, it’s like I’m asking her to please speak English to me as that’s the only language that I understand. Then she starts talking to me in something that I barely understand like Spanish.

Does that make sense to you now? lol. I could understand her clearly if she spoke to me in ‘English’ instead of ‘Spanish’, lol.

This giving hints thing is so stupid & silly to me. I’ll need to remind her to be clear with me from now on. Maybe she forgot this or worse, being a people pleaser makes it very difficult for her to be straightforward.

I wish that there was a book out there on how to translate weird social b.s rules, lol. I’m not that bad, but still, some things can still be sort of confusing to me.

I’m not going to invite her out anywhere or send her any jokes even for now. My last joke she’d love went ignored for two days already. Even I can take that hint, lol.

She may have some ptsd from going through these horrible experiences. People who struggle with ptsd tend to avoid crowds and noisy places. As a result they make excuses when asked to go out. It’s more about wanting to minimize doing anything that may end up triggering the ptsd.

It is easier to make up excuses rather then trying to explain.

I understand that. The point of my post was that she didn’t need to go so far to maybe lie about now working EVERY single weekend hust to avoid me! That’s hurtful & it makes me feel as if she’s no longer trustworthy. What else is she willing to lie about now? That’s a big one for me!

She can simply say she needs space & I’d respect that. It’s ridiculous to insult my intelligence with something that is probably a lie. I doubt that her or anyone else would be OK with being lied to like that. But I’m supposed to just accept it? OK, whatever.

I don’t call, text, email or ask her to go out all the time btw I just ask her to go out twice a month tops. I understood when she said she wanted to spend time with her husband or visit her sister. I didn’t bug her to hang out with me. I have a husband & other friends

She should’ve been honest with me. I’m not going to contact her period now. I’ll let her contact me first whenever she feels like she is ready to hang out again.

As I said before, she likes the fact that I het her out of the house. Now I’m being ignored, weird! People are weird! She should ask for space instead of maybe lying to me. I’m not bugging her. Oh, she doesn’t have kids btw.

She did sat something a bit odd to me a few time. She sais she only see’s me & her sister usually now & thar she see’s me more than her own sister as she travels with her husband a lot.

I sometimes worry that I triggered her with my comments about her eating habits too. I need to remember to never ever mention any possible triggers again.

I see. She can handle loud noisy crowds well it seems like. These horrible things happened years ago btw. I have a feeling that something else is going on now.

Asking her to go out out twice a month (it’s every other weekend) is a lot. If she has other friends, husband, other family and demanding job, every other weekend is too often. Yes it would be better if she spoke up about it but maybe she thinks it’s self explanatory.

You do seem to struggle with friendships a lot. It’s not easy. And I am not sure what’s the true problem is here.

Giving her space is a good idea

There's nothing wrong with managing expectations with your friends by speaking up about your concerns. If she's a genuine friend (who is interested in a mutual friendship) she'd make more effort with you when you two hang out.

Her being on her phone while out with you would have been a deal breaker for me: that's just plain rude and disrespectful (unless it was an emergency, than that's acceptable).

At the end of the day, if it really bothers you, just speak up and hope she understands. Her response will tell you where you stand with her friendship-wise. If she gaslights you, she was never really a 'friend' but just someone you saw occasionally.

If you have to chase after people to be your friend, they aren't really friends. Friendship is a two-way street.

Different people express things in different ways.You like a straightforward way and some like to express in a roundabout way like your friend is doing.Donot take it as an insult. See it as her way of telling you she is not available. You are hurting yourself more by analyzing what other's true intentions are.