Am I being lied to? This sounds weird.

I have one good friend who is normally honest, but she seems to have a problem with communication sometimes. She said a people pleaser who is working on her issues.

Anyways., I don’t really think that I did anything wrong. I might’ve inadvertently annoyed her without meaning to.

We went out last week & we had fun, ar least I think she had fun. I noticed rhat she was on her phone a lot ar this show. Anyways, she told me yesterday that she is very busy & tired as she is working 10 hours or more a day during the week. And if she’s not working during the werk, she’s also working on both Saturday & Sunday at the same job as an H.R manager in an office.

She has never mentioned working on the weekend before. I think that this is very weird. She has used the ‘she’s to busy’ excuse to definitely blow off the mooch I talked about before.

She can’t being herself to hurt her feelings by being honest with her. She’d rather just hope that lady eventually gets the hint.

I’m worried that she’s doing that woth me too. Her excuse sounds weird. It sounds like a lie. She ignored my question when I asked her if she’s working every weekend now.

It’s her go to response when she’s overwhelmed. That she’s to busy or to tired. Almost every attempt to communicate with her as seen as ‘drama’ that she doesn’t want to deal with.

I had no idea that she was upset with me for something until months later then she snapped at me which is rare. She got two flat tires on the way back from the concert & I think that maybe she might be blaming me for things as I might’ve distracted her, idk. We waited 2 hours for AAA. I suggested taking the train, but she wanted to drive. I can’t drive at night.

She has told me that I’m a good friend & blah, blah, blah, but part of me feels like she’s tired of me or annoyed ar me now for trivial reasons that aren’t completely my fault, I did tell her to be careful when driving as she was driving to close to other cars & she said to me, do you want to drive?

My safety is important to me. I’m normally not a back sear driver. It seemed like whe wasn’t paying as much attention to driving as she whould have.

I’m worried about this. I feel like she might be upset & ignoring me. Why would she do this if this an excuse though? If she needs space, then why not just say so?

Why can’t she just say what she means & communicate her feelings more openly?

Also, she has acted like I was pressuring her a few times just by asking her for an answer to something. I’ve asked her if she’d live to go to a certain event & then end uo neing ignored for weeks. I then ask her about it & she’ll day she didn’t see it, or more likely, that she’s going through a lit & is under a lot of stress. I understand that. This is frustrating though to be ignored & treated like you’re harassing someone just for asking for a yes or no answer.

She alsi will usually say I’ll think about it instead of giving a yes or no answer at times like everything is a major decision. It’s annoying, but I didn’t mention that to her.

Sometimes she’ll give me a yes or no answer. She also suffers from anxiety & depression, so I try to be paitient with her. Her attitude is a bit to much at times. I feel like I’m bothering her sometimes. I’m not, it just feels that way to me based on some of her responses to me.

Why is she like this? I know that people on here don’t know her, but maybe some of you smart people can offer some insight into this?

Often people would rather make excuses than outright tell you they don’t want to get together with you. They just don’t like confrontation and would rather lie.

When I have felt like a friend wasn’t interested in seeing me, I backed off right away. It would have felt really embarrassing to me to keep pressing them and getting rejected. I would take the hint.

Time to take a break from this person.....let them call if ever interested in communicating with you....otherwise let the relationship fade away. Sounds like no big loss

If she works 10 hours a day she likely finds it too much committing to weekend events, she needs to rest and chores done etc but who knows. She might be afraid to start a major confrontation or even a blow up fight if she is more direct. I’d back off and see if she comes forward. If she does, good. If she doesn’t, you’ll know where you stand.

I understand thar. My point us thus: the working all weekend on both Saturday & Sunday all of a sudden on too of working overtime during the week sounds fishy to me.

It spinds like a lie. She’s never said anything about working on the weekends before. We never had any manor disagreements, so I don’t understand why she’d do this.

I’m not unreasonable. If she needs space, she should just tell me that & not make up a possible lie that I’d question her on.

I understand that. My point us this: the working all weekend on both Saturday & Sunday all of a sudden on too of working overtime during the week sounds fishy to me.

It sounds like a lie. She’s never said anything about working on the weekends before. We never had any major disagreements, so I don’t understand why she’d do this.

I’m not unreasonable. If she needs space, she should just tell me that & not make up a possible lie that I’d question her on.

I understand thar. My point is this: :working all weekend on both Saturday & Sunday all of a sudden on top of working overtime during the week sounds fishy to me.

It sounds like a lie. She’s never said anything about working on the weekends before. We never had any manor disagreements, so I don’t understand why she’d do this.

I’m starting to feel that I’m going to need to be extra careful around her from now on as she seems more fragile these days. She says she doesn’t always tell me everything. She seems to be more sensitive than usual too.

She also seems like she’s anorexic. She used to be bullimic/anorexic & would go to restaurant to restaurant & binge. She barely eats much & she looks weak & frail. I unfortunately made some comments about how she doesn’t usually eat much. Hopefully I didn’t trigger her. I probably did though.

I’m not unreasonable. If she needs space, she should just tell me that & not make up a possible lie that I’d question her on.

I dislike dishonesty & being lied to & she knows that. I’m not an unreasonable person. I wouldn’t get mad or upset with her if she told me that she needs space.

But to come up with a fishy excuse is insulting. The fact that she avoided answering my legit question makes me suspicious of things. Does it sound like she’s lying to me? She works in an offiice.

It’s likely a lie. It might not have much to do with you. She may have her own personal reasons for not wanting to be with you. It might be some reason having to do with you, though. You could ask her if she has an issue with you. But I’d tread lightly with that confrontation because it will probably become an argument.

If I were your friend and had lied rather than being direct, I’d be put off if my friend started questioning me about my lie, and would have to lie more to cover it up or just start avoiding that friend. If I was interrogated on the lie, it would probably turn into a fight and then good bye friend.

It’s possible she is lying. But in a long run I don’t know if it matters. She’s not going to be available, she isn’t committing to whatever you want her to commit and she isn’t going to hang out. No point finding out why and if she lied. See if she initiates something next time and then you’ll know what’s happening. If she doesn’t initiate, let it fade

If I were you, I’d be worried about this friend. It sounds like she isn’t doing well and you know she has a history of mental health problems.
I’d be reaching out to her and offering an opportunity to talk if she wants to, but without pressure.
But I wouldn’t be offended if she doesn’t take you up on it because it isn’t always about you, it’s often about the other person.

Just my thoughts. I’ve appreciated when friends have provided an open dialogue without pressure.

Does it matter if she’s lying? I would back off. Honestly, from other threads about “friends” you would be a little overwhelming for me, I work 7 days a week by choice and I wouldn’t be able to be planning anything with a friend. I have work and home responsibilities that don’t allow friend time, maybe she’s the same.

Thanks. I’m definitely worried. I offered my support before, but she hasn’t called ot texted me for helo. I’m not sure if she’s currently seeing anyone. She was getting help in the past.

She has told me some really horrible things like how she was almost murdered by a psycho ex boyfriend. And how one ex husband turned out to be an abusive pedophile who went to jail.

I think that she likes to deal with most things on her own, idk. I’m reluctant to say anything as she’ll shun my help. I just know it. And what if I’m wrong too?

It’s odd to how she goes to the bathroom a lot, but it could be a part of her autoimmune disease too.

Hopefully it has nothing to do with me. I’ll have my answer if she is evasive in person.

If she is, I’ll drop it. You do have a point. I didn’t think about that. She does seem to be kind of the avoidant type usually. I’m the straightforward type, so our communication styles are different at times.

I’ll need to get better at reading her weird & frustrating hints, ugh!

I’m not needy if that’s what you’re implying. If someone is busy, thats fine. I get that people are busy with work. I don’t think it’s nice to lie though. I’m not unreasonable like I said.

I have had a lot if bad luck in choosing the wrong types of friends & trusting the wrong people to fast sometimes. Don’t blame me for everything. Not everything is my fault. I HAVE been treated badly & by people I thought were friends.

I expect to be treated with respect & if that is to ‘overwhelming’ to deal with, then I don’t want to associate with that person anyways.

And I’m not trying to make people become people they’re not. I just expect people honest & respectful with me. Would yiu want to be friends with disrespectful & dishonest people?

True. I don’t think she really thinks leme any big obvious lie’s before, so the eis troubling as this would be the first big obvious one if it is a lie. My gut tells me it is most likely a lie.

I’ll ask her about her new weekend hours in person ne t time & see what she says or doesn’t say. If she remains vague, then she’s probably lying,

I’ll just drop it then. I’ll still be hurt & offended though as I’ll onow that she lied to me. The funny thing is that she said both her husband & her are very busy. I don’t socialize her husar all.

And neither does my husband anymore. I wonder if her husband is making her see less of me for whatever reason. He likes me husband & he doesn’t have an issue with me, but people are definitely weird at times.

I don’t know that it really matters if she’s lying. Maybe she’s just hoping you’ll take the hint and give her some space. Some people are just not assertive in asking for what they need. You have the opportunity here to be a good friend and use your perceptive observations that she is struggling to help her by just giving her some space. If that’s what she needs, she’ll appreciate your ability to “read” her and maybe down the road when she’s in a better place she’ll be able to initiate some interaction and you’ll know at that point that she’s ready. If she doesn’t do so, then part of what she’s basically “saying” through her actions here is that she’s not interested in the friendship to the extent that you are.

Of course we would like people to be more direct, but for someone who may be in a really difficult personal space, it might just be beyond her an ability at this point.

Sometimes we just have to “read the room” and disengage from a situation rather than pushing.

Maybe you’re right about what you said. I find this behavior to ne hurtful. I like my friends to be honest with me.

She is always telling me that I’m a good friend & that she cates about me then she treats me like this? Weird!

I said you would be overwhelming for someone like ME. She sounds similar to me in that she has a lot on her plate right now.

I would lie to you if you kept asking me to do this, go to that concert, go out to eat, go to this show, etc. I do something with someone else once every 3-4 months. That's it. If someone kept asking me to do something and I said I was busy and they keep asking, then I lie because they're not getting the hint.

I don't see it in your profile, but have you ever suspected you may be on the spectrum or does anyone in your family have some level of autism? The social issues and requiring people to be "literal" with you because you aren't getting hints is what makes me ask. I am asking because I truly think this would be something worth investigating and could answer so many questions for you.

I think friendships naturally ebb and flow too, so it doesn’t necessarily mean there’s a big problem if she needs a little more time for herself or whatever. I think you might be possibly panicking and looking for signs she’s backing away but the thing is even if she was backing away there’s not really anything you can do about it.

I do understand your fears btw and I’ve also got anxiety around some friendships, but sometimes we need to give space. She sounds super busy to me, I don’t work full time and know if I did I’d really need time to recharge. Maybe ease off a bit and keep in touch casually?