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Tart Cherry Jam
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Default May 22, 2023 at 08:39 PM
  #21
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Originally Posted by jesyka View Post
I should have nagged & critcized him relentlessly about his weight too! I’ll start giving him unsolicited diet advice when the 6 month email ban I imposed for disrespecting me us over, lol!

I should have done this a long time ago! So far my more severe punishment is working, lol 😆
You did a very good job ^, especially with offering him a sodium-free piece of lettuce. Do it for real. Maybe you will then not wish your dad dead.
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Discombobulated
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Default May 25, 2023 at 09:12 AM
  #22
I had a little think about your post Jesyka, and although my parents aren’t unkind or rude to me like yours sadly are, I feel some parallel. My parents had a hard time letting go of us, they’d express unsolicited opinions and I can understand how frustrating that feels. I’d say I was well in my 40s before I fully realised the situation and recognised what was happening and why so many pleasant catch ups became fraught and left me rattled.

My dad still sometimes seems to think if he repeats something enough it’ll be true.

You’re right, it’s a boundary issue, your parents need to understand you’re a grown woman who makes her own choices. Some people on here have written he won’t change. I’m not so sure, he may not turn around completely but there are ways of learning a lesson.

I read you’ve given him an email ban, I presume you explained why, so he knows how he’s affected you and what the result is.

With my dad now, I am at a place where I can calmly state my truth, that our opinions differ and that’s okay, not everyone is the same. I think it annoys him possibly (he likes to win and will argue!) but the important thing is for me to stay calm and keep consistent. Dynamics in midlife with elderly parents take on a new twist for many of us.

However you’ve said some strong stuff about him, so how you feel about your relationship in the future is maybe the most important thing for you. Do you feel like you want to try to make it work or are you at the point where it’s not something you want. That’s a big one and not something anyone else can influence you on.

Hugs.
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Default May 27, 2023 at 02:01 AM
  #23
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Originally Posted by Discombobulated View Post
I had a little think about your post Jesyka, and although my parents aren’t unkind or rude to me like yours sadly are, I feel some parallel. My parents had a hard time letting go of us, they’d express unsolicited opinions and I can understand how frustrating that feels. I’d say I was well in my 40s before I fully realised the situation and recognised what was happening and why so many pleasant catch ups became fraught and left me rattled.

My dad still sometimes seems to think if he repeats something enough it’ll be true.

You’re right, it’s a boundary issue, your parents need to understand you’re a grown woman who makes her own choices. Some people on here have written he won’t change. I’m not so sure, he may not turn around completely but there are ways of learning a lesson.

I read you’ve given him an email ban, I presume you explained why, so he knows how he’s affected you and what the result is.

With my dad now, I am at a place where I can calmly state my truth, that our opinions differ and that’s okay, not everyone is the same. I think it annoys him possibly (he likes to win and will argue!) but the important thing is for me to stay calm and keep consistent. Dynamics in midlife with elderly parents take on a new twist for many of us.

However you’ve said some strong stuff about him, so how you feel about your relationship in the future is maybe the most important thing for you. Do you feel like you want to try to make it work or are you at the point where it’s not something you want. That’s a big one and not something anyone else can influence you on.

Hugs.
Sorry to hear about your dad too. Ar least he’s not as bad as mine us. Mine is a nasty narc! He is a lost cause.
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