I Think my Husband is Bi and marriage in trouble

I am at a total loss. I will keep this as short and sweet as I can. I want advice from you all about this situation.

Simply we've been married over 7 years and in that marriage he had one affair with a woman early on and we've moved past that. Then a couple years ago I had a single inappropriate conversation with a mutual male friend that I confessed to and we moved past. Though all that we both laid it all out there and I mean allllllll of it from our past sexual experiences, secrets, trauma. It was freeing and to be that close and open to another person has been amazing. You can really be yourself freely. With all that trauma we agreed years ago to cut out porn from our marriage. We have made videos to substitute going to the internet and using porn. His libido is higher than mine and that has caused us some issues. He would like it daily, multiple times a day and I am satisfied with 3 times a week, which I think is still a lot. So our relationship is not without its struggles. Emotionally I need more connection and conversations and physically he needs more - that has been the issue - we each have to give more and accept less and it is hard for each of us.

Okay so last night I found his secret reddit account with M4M postings and lots of trans male to female porn where top surgery had been done but not bottom surgery. In our letting it all our conversations mentioned above he did disclose his attraction or appeal to women who had a penis. I have asked him multiple times if he is gay or bi. He says no he is straight. With finding his secret reddit account and confronting him and he admitted to having sexual conversations with these men, but never meeting up I asked again....are you sure you are not bi or gay? I let him know I can be a lot of things for him but a male I cannot be, a female with a penis I also cannot be.

We have broken trust with one another so many times and I thought years ago we had an understanding and openness for truth and I held up my end and disclosed any temptations or struggles I would have to keep us on the right path and I feel he engaged in more betrayal behavior and I am hurt and at a loss to even stay in the marriage.

If he is bi my only worry is him not exploring the male desires he has and that causing cheating and a divorce. If he is bi and he does want to explore I just want to know so I can exit this relationship positively. We are blended and there are kids involved. I want to cause the least amount of trauma to all.

Thoughts??

Trust is a major cornerstone of a long-term marriage and relationship. Without trust, or with repeated BROKEN trust, then the marriage & relationship erodes and implodes over time.

He had betrayed your trust once before with an infidelity. You got past it, and thought or believed that trust has been repaired and that only openness, full disclosure and honesty existed. Now he has betrayed you yet again by creating this reddit account behind your back and by carrying on emotional affairs behind your back. Him being sexual online with other males IS in my opinion an emotional infidelity. It does not matter if he has not met these men in person.. he is still betraying you and sexual conversations outside of one's marriage IS a form of infidelity.

I found in my own experience with my ex husband that repeated instances of betrayal led to my not being able to trust him ever again. There were other major issues in my marriage that made me leave him, but trust was a big issue that could not be repaired.

The repeated broken trust and repeated instances of infidelity point to your husband not being a trustworthy partner. Add to it the fact that he is attracted to women with a penis points to an ultimate incompatibility between you. You will not be able to meet his sexual desires, and therefore, he will continue to seek to fulfill them outside of the marriage.

I am very sorry that this is happening to you in your life... I can only imagine how painful this would be... my advice is to end the marriage, as hard or as painful as that is. I wouldn't even recommend couples counseling, for the above outlined reasons. Also, I think his libido and sexual needs are not normal. Sex several times a day, every day??? How old is he? In my opinion, he is masking a void within himself by being overly sexual and by having a beyond normal sex drive.

That's my two cents... others will have additional advice and thoughts that may also be helpful.

IF he is bi?! You write that " he did disclose his attraction or appeal to women who had a penis". That says it all.

It is not just curiosity but ''attraction'' and ''appeal''. So no, your husband is not as straight as he claims to be.

This is a tough situation.

It's true that once trust is broken, it's nearly damn impossible to get it back. At the same time, there are circumstances and situations. For example, some could look past a physical indiscretion that did not involve emotional intimacy. For others, it doesn't matter; cheating is cheating. Someone that is open about it, it shows they can at least be honest and not cover it up with lies. To me, lies would be worse.

Many people are black and white about what should be or shouldn't be.

I would seek professional help because, in my opinion (and am not a professional), different people have different marriages and/or relationships. What works for one, does not work for another. My recommendation would be to explore what you can and cannot live with.

As for me, this wouldn't work. I couldn't do it. It would have to be me, me only, and that's it. I don't like sharing.

I'm sorry I cannot be more specific.

He clearly likes what he likes. And he is also clearly a cheater. So I don’t think it matters if he’s bi or gay or straight. He’s not to be trusted. I’d end this relationship if it was me in your situation .

I think you already know the answer no matter what he says.

For me, it's a wrap, I'd be seeing an attorney.

I’d make sure to locate those videos you two made and make sure they are destroyed. Although knowing that he’s a liar I am not sure those videos aren’t there already in a cyber space. Get rid of them ASAP