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Ilovemyfurbabies
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Member Since: Jun 2023
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 1
Attention Jun 03, 2023 at 06:12 PM
  #1
On June 24th will my partner's and I's 10th anniversary. This past year has been difficult for us. He was working a very stressful job and began looking for a new one. He found a job and put in his resignation. He went in to work one day and said the new job is not what he thought and he quit it. At the time, we were not paycheck to paycheck but we also were not stable enough for a one income household. Still, I understood as the reason the job was not a good fit had to do with the craziness of it and his social anxiety could not handle it. Still I felt like he could have at least stuck out the training period to help with our bills while looking for a new job. The year before we had been strapped financially and he was able to work over time while I was not so I took a part time night shift at Amazon to help bring in extra money and was working 10PM-2PM then getting up at 7AM to work my full time. I work from home for my full time so even though I was tired I could handle it for the most part. In the past I have worked weekend jobs and other evening shifts as well to help out. He has never done this as he usually makes more hourly than I do. After working the one day, it took him two months to get another job. During this time both of our credit cards maxed out, he lost his bank acct due to overdrafts he couldn't pay and now shares an acct with me. We both worked so hard for years to build our credit and almost overnight our scores went from 750 to under 500. During all of this, he began drinking heavily and having panic attacks that scared him to the point of going to the ER. I have had panic attacks for years and have tried to help him understand how they feel and techniques to help get through them but he will not take my advice and instead self medicates with alcohol. He finally found a new job making more money than before. We began slowly catching up. January came around and we had a talk about the diet and drinking and he promised to get help by February if he couldn't stop on his own. He did stop. Things were good again until last month. The job he took requires him to go into the office two days a week and due to his social anxiety he hated it. He would find ways to call out or work from home on those days and was reprimanded and told he has to go a month without missing or he will be let go. Well he didn't go in and lost his job about three weeks ago. The same drinking cycle has started again. We are also trying to sell our home to get out of this financial rut but he keeps cancelling showing and pushing things off without communicating to me what he is about to do. I gave him an ultimatum, one week to get it together or I tell his parents everything. He didn't respond at all. Drank that night, cancelled the carpet cleaners we need to come out without telling me. Idk what to do anymore. He is my best friend and a really good person. For the nine years we were together, he worked his *** off and is honestly the most persistent person I know. I don't understand how to help him when we cannot afford any therapy or anything at the moment. He has let anxiety and alcohol rule him lately and I can't get him to come face to face with it. I hate that I resent him now for my credit and financial situation and I don't want to bring his family into this and embarrass him but I don't know what else to do. Please I need advice.
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divine1966
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Default Jun 04, 2023 at 08:04 AM
  #2
Are you married? Have children? He sounds like a horrible burden.

There’s no unemployment right now so there is zero reason not to work. If one is unable to work, he needs to be on disability. Simply not working or job hoping or keep losing jobs or quitting wouldn’t fly. No good.

As about alcohol, you can’t make him quit. He needs to hit rock bottom. But he never will if you keep saving him.

Honestly I’d start planning to end this. I just don’t see it getting better. Personally for me, person drinking and not working for no apparent reason would be it for me. You deserve better
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