Relationship issues and wanting a divorce

I am a 45 year old woman who has been in my relationship for 27 years. I have 4 kids who are my absolute world. I want to divorce my husband who is not attentive, distant, cold, addicted to his phone and doesn’t show love unless through sex. He has no respect for me and is so negative, yet I love him. He is not good for me and it’s affecting my kids because the past 4/5 months we have been fighting ALOT. I need an outlet to get things off my chest instead of yelling at him which literally gets me nowhere anyways because he is never wrong and doesn’t ever believe anything I say that he is doing or has done. I am not blameless however I say that and I am working on myself. He just brings me down with his pessimism and we both agree at this point we don’t belong together. May issue is I want to leave him and probably will when the next few months we get financially situated. I can’t live like this anymore. I am sooo unhappy I can’t even describe it. I don’t even want to go anywhere or do anything. He has me in such a depression. He is def not the man I met and fell in love with 27 years ago, and if I’m being honest he has never been what I wanted in a companion. He has never treated me great and has always had an issue with talking to other woman. I’ve dealt but now my kids are being affected because of my disgust of him. The biggest thing holding me back from actually moving forward with a divirce are my children. I can’t imagine not being with them ALL the time. They are 9.,11,13,15 but it’s hard to even imagine. He isn’t a great father. He is good at wrestling around but most of the time he just sits on couch and watches tv or sits on phone. He does watch there sports but that’s about it. He doesn’t really make them dinner, he pretty much says they are old enough to do for themselves and he doesn’t really show affection or anything. It scares me for them to be with him half the time because he doesn’t show anything really towards them. I mean he lives them but is just a blah dad. Please help me get past this and be okay to divorce so I can be happy and so can my kids.

I'm sorry you're in such an unhappy situation. Here is reality as I see it: In life there is a price for everything. You'll pay a price, if you stay with him. You'll pay a price, if you divorce. There is no third option where all will be good. You have to decide which is the worst price to pay.

No one can knowingly say, "You will be better off, if you divorce." Only you can decide which way is better than the alternative. It's good that you are taking a sober look at the downside of divorce. There will be a downside.

sorry you are going through such a rough time. it's such a hard thing to have to even consider divorce. i think to add to the suggestion above, maybe make a pros and cons list. Are you in therapy? that might help as well, but if finances are an issue, it may not really be an option for you. have you expressed your feelings clearly with your husband?...oh, maybe you have tried, but you just fight? what about couple's counseling? i'm not saying don't divorce if you feel it's the right thing for you to do, but it's obvious you have some fears about it, so I'm just suggesting things you might not have tried yet. (if you have tried these things, then nevermind my advice). i've kindof had my own struggles too, so i'm saying things from my experience. things are ok atm. frankly, i'm more afraid of being left, but that's not a good feeling to have in a relationship either...i don't know what point i'm trying to make, just that I know this can't be an easy decision for you and you have my support. hugs

Your concern about children is very valid. Them watching unhealthy marriage is very bad but so would be being with him half the time and being potentially neglected. Let me ask you this, would he even want the kids half the time? He doesn’t sound like he’d be the kind.