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moose260
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Unhappy Jun 06, 2023 at 04:16 PM
  #1
My partner posted a quote online saying "everything is temporary". He's not doing the best mentally atm and i'm supporting him the best i can. It got me thinking. I'm scared of abandonment and i hate this phrase. If he left me i don't know how i'd cope. I told him that quote sounded scary and he said it's supposed to be.
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Default Jun 06, 2023 at 05:12 PM
  #2
I wouldn't feel comfortable with that either. So does that mean your relationship is viewed as temporary as well? I would want to know.

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Default Jun 06, 2023 at 05:34 PM
  #3
Quote:
Originally Posted by moose260 View Post
My partner posted a quote online saying "everything is temporary". He's not doing the best mentally atm and i'm supporting him the best i can. It got me thinking. I'm scared of abandonment and i hate this phrase. If he left me i don't know how i'd cope. I told him that quote sounded scary and he said it's supposed to be.

It could also be seen from this perspective - that he's having a rough time and knows it's temporary. Not necessarily a bad thing.
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Default Jun 06, 2023 at 07:14 PM
  #4
Well actually everything is temporary. I mean logically speaking nothing lasts forever. Just ask him what he meant exactly. We can’t know. Only he can. Ask him
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Default Jun 07, 2023 at 01:08 PM
  #5
Everything is temporary.....both the bad & the good. That is just how life works. Always has worked that way & always will. This is just pointing out an area of your own thinking that you need help with to learn functional skills so you can deal with this reality of life.

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Default Jun 07, 2023 at 04:31 PM
  #6
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Originally Posted by moose260 View Post
My partner posted a quote online saying "everything is temporary". He's not doing the best mentally atm and i'm supporting him the best i can. It got me thinking. I'm scared of abandonment and i hate this phrase. If he left me i don't know how i'd cope. I told him that quote sounded scary and he said it's supposed to be.
Hi, I hope you're feeling a little better having posted. It sucks to live in fear, and there sure is plenty of it in the world as is. I see this issue goes beyond the quote itself. Here's my line of thinking regarding the information given.
  1. The quote regarding impermanence is usually employed to provide solace and encouragement during challenging times.
  2. Your partner's response seems to be in conflict with point one. "It's meant to be scary?"

Point two only makes more sense when I consider your that your assisting him during a period of instability. It's during periods of instability that we often feed off each others fear.

At this point it matters little what came first with respect to any opposing thoughts.

When those closest to us are hurting, they tend to ignore and react to anything that adds to it.

It's great that your being strong for the both of you. My advice is to open a door that allows for your partner to further convey his meaning. Of course when we ourselves are dealing with fear, we also run the risk of reacting rather than responding. Choose your words carefully. Allow him a door to further convey the pain they are feeling.

An example of opening such a door for a response rather than a reaction would to simply ask "what's going on? - I'd like to know" - Are you OK?

It's not easy to avoid asking leading questions. I find leading questions can spur on the 'feeding-off-each-other cycle' during sensitive and triggering discussions.

I had to reread your post a few times as I often use quotes about impermanence as a means for hope re my own suffering. "This too shall pass..." But I think I have read you well, having taken the time to read more carefully.

I don't really need to know anything more other than being able to sympathise with anyone living in fear and offer some well meaning advice.

Look for clarity but be careful what doors you open when addressing this situation. Be aware of how the cycle of fear works.

It sounds like your doing the best you can in a difficult situation. I hope you find some solace in having posted.
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moose260
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Default Jun 08, 2023 at 09:00 AM
  #7
Thank you
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Default Jun 17, 2023 at 06:37 AM
  #8
Everything is temporary, I know that's a scary thought but it's just part of life. He may have been talking about your relationship but most likely he was referring to something else that's bothering him, even the problems you're having are temporary. I'd ask him to see if everything is okay, he may need someone to talk to and it's best to talk about it if it really is a relationship issue. Unfortunately even the best relationships come to an end so you should definitely ask him so you can rectify any issues before it's too late, the most common reasons relationships end are the passage of time and unresolved conflict since people generally don't like confrontation so it causes the relationships of any kind of fizzle out when it could've easily been saved.
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