Ugh!

Hello.

We have been married for 23 1/2 years and these last few months, I just... I don't know. I found out my husband lied to me, and it was pretty big. But he involved our sons, ages 20 and 22, and told them "don't tell mom..." The truth ALWAYS comes out, and it did, and I was heartbroken. I have tried and tried to get past this, and just when I think I am, I find out he lied. Again. Now, it's not just been 2 times in all these years. He has been lying to me from the beginning, and while (in the past) I have forgiven him and moved on for the sake of our children and what I thought was a strong enough relationship - this time I don't know that I can, nor do I know if I want to. I have been so angry, so hurt, so dejected. He's lied about having an illness, he's lied about where he's been, he's lied about paying (or not paying as the case may be) bills, he's lied about his Thesis, he's lied about so much.

I asked him today if he thought I was just going to put this behind me and we'd just move on like normal, and he said, "well, that would be ideal." I told him I don't know that I can live in the same house as him any longer. There is SO SO SO much more backstory, but I don't know how much you care to know.

He never apologizes, he doesn't even try. AITA for letting this continue?

We have 4 children - girls 15 and 16 and the boys above.

I think you're in a pretty tough situation . Your husband seems like a habitual liar. Seems like he's taking you for a fool and since he's done this before and got away with it I see him continuing this behavior. If you want to try and save this marriage then your looking at at least awhile in couple's therapy. I would just try and find a good divorce attorney.
At least the kids are older. I wish you the best.

He is clearly not going to change. So, ask yourself if you can live with a liar the rest of your life? If you can and if you want to, then make peace with the fact that you can never really trust him or his words.

But if you think you deserve better than that, then you need to make some decisions about the direction of your life.