Broke up with partner

I tried to break up with my partner amicably.

He got drunk afterwards and started text bombing me attacking my character over any little thing he could possibly dig up, insisting he was helping the next man I date because I am too selfish.

I said if I was really that selfish I would just stay with him and use him.

I talked to friends after and my therapist. I feel guilty but I feel like he’s got his own issues that are above and beyond what I can handle.

He’s incredibly selfish in terms of his addictions but refuses to acknowledge that and puts it on me to tolerate and enable him. For instance I don’t smoke. He cannot respect that. He got angry for asking him to smoke outside. It’s a breathing thing and I am suffering with bad allergies this year. I think he views it as self centred when I asked him if he could smoke outside.

He also criticized me for not getting more drunk around him. I don’t drink a lot. I don’t like being out of control drunk. It’s just unpleasant to me. He insisted I am not relaxing enough by drinking more. He drinks every day and will drive when he shouldn’t.

It seemed unfair how he literally was trying to bait a reaction out of me. He had me come over to return his beer empties. I get a small amount of pocket money out of it. He was arguing with me because I didn’t come back and thank him.

Honestly he was chain smoking in his living room and when I came back to say hi, he just sort of glared at me with his friend. I wanted to get out of there because I didn’t want to breathe the polluted air they were breathing and I got a bad vibe like they were talking **** about me.

I just felt uncomfortable.

He sent me a wall of text over a list of chores I didn’t complete to his liking. We didn’t even live together. My selfishness was mainly due to how I screwed up on chores. He never acknowledged the many times I did things for him, but that one time I didn’t hang his laundry absolutely defined my character; he basically held a grudge and dug up things from a couple months ago. The issue of whatever it was I did completely evolved into something horrible in his alcoholic brain.

He said he was doing this as a favour for the next man I dated.

My friends laughed and said, “Oh he’s one of those. Bitter guy who is sure everyone is taking advantage of him without taking into account his own poor boundaries and behaviour.”

My one friend said I just made a good choice in respect to my own personal boundaries. My ex told me he wasn’t ready to date and wanted to be alone. I felt anxious when he told me that and thought it was bad to date someone who didn’t actually want me there.

I think he expected me to stay with him, do chores exactly to his liking despite his poor communication. He got mad I didn’t play therapist exactly to his liking, but said nothing about it until I broke up with him.

My therapist thought he seemed kinda selfish.

My thoughts are people who often accuse others of being self centred often have poor boundaries and have a giant blind spot for how selfish they actually are.

I was mad I ever lost sleep over this asshole.

Friends and therapy help during a break up.

Wow, that is quite the story. You have nothing to feel guilty about. If anything, you might even congragulate yourself for having the courage to end this relationship.

A breakup seems like the way to go. Do you like being treated like that? I doubt it. Move on while you can... better to breakup than having to divorce. Later on, you'll realize it was the right choice.

Why would he expect you to do chores in his home if you don't live together? Were you his slave?

This was a very unhealthy relationship - he is an addict and is very unhealthy.

Good for you for ending it! I am sorry you had to deal with a barrage of character attacks. Try not to take it too personally. He is likely hurt you broke it off and is just lashing out at you, with anything he can pick at - even if it makes no sense.

Stay in your truth - the truth shall set you free. I would not speak to this man again and I would not stay in touch. Who needs that kind of a friend?

I had to read it twice to make sure I understand. He made you do chores at his house and you don’t live there. That’s rich. Who does he think he is? Wow. Oh yeah I’ve met people who made comments that me not drinking is somehow wrong. Luckily they weren’t romantic partners. What an idiotic view on things. I am glad you’re done with him

My advice is not to reason with him, convince him, or try to get him to be amicable.

Just moving on is the best idea, in my opinion.

Block him and move on.

Yep did that. My guess is he is wallowing in his own self pity, fuelling his self perpetuating narrative that everyone is trying to take advantage of him.

It’s not like I didn’t tell him why. I said we have very conflicting life habits and he told me he didn’t want to date. He was trying to start a fight so he can feel in control.