Confused by a new acquaintance’s behavior. Please help

Recently I met this lady online who seemed nice a few months ago. We met in person twice so far. She is a little older than me. We hit it off both times. We met on nextdoor. I made a post that I was looking for friends in the area. She responded to it along with a bunch of other women.

She thought that I sounded cool. We have a lot in common as far as musical interests, issues with depression & anxiety, bad luck with men (hers was worse as she went there a horrific divorce), we both love cats, have issues with weight, etc.

Anyways, I’m confused & hurt by her odd behavior as she flaked on me 3 times so far.

The first time she made plans to meet me at the mall. I forgot to confirm plans with her until the day of. She never got back to me when I texted her. She finally did & said that she forgot about our plans.

Then she said she’d call me another time & she never did. Then yesterday when I texted her & asked her if she’d like to go out for frozen yogurt, she said yes & that she’d get back to me later in the evening but she never did.

Is she flaking out on me on purpose? If so, why? Should I take this as a hint to not contact her again?

I’m confused. If she doesn’t want to talk to me, then why would she even respond to any of my texts? This is weird!

Btw, Idk if I made a terrible impression on her or not, but I stupidly ran out of gas in the parking lot near the place were we were supposed to meet at. I forgot to get gas.

So I had to call her to drive me to the nearest gas station. Calling AAA would’ve taken way to long. She didn’t mind helping me. She thought it was funny. She actually had the same thing happen to her many times before.

She really seemed to like me, so I’m very baffled by her behavior. If she was just being polite, then she really put on one hell of an act.

I’d appreciate any advice & insight into this situation. What should I do? Should I say anything or not? I don’t want to appear to needy. Why am I being ignored now?

I understand that people are busy, but keep in mind that this has happened 3 times in a row.

There’s no way to answer why she’s not interested. You can’t really answer that question. She’s a stranger so there is simply no way to know. I don’t believe you need to say a word to her, you should just stop contacting her. See if she contacts you first, that’s how you’ll know.

Personally if I ran out of gas I’d wait for AAA or I have Chevy assistance. It might take longer. But that’s what people do. I’d not ask strangers to drive me around. I pay all these services so I can use them. You pay AAA so might as well use it.

I think you’d really benefit from making lists of things to check daily. If you tend to forget things, you need to have a list. Do you not have warning of “low gas” on your dashboard. It gives you warning several times before you go on empty.

Yes perhaps she was taken aback being asked to drive you around even though you have AAA. Maybe she thought you two just met and you already ask for things, in general you’d need to know someone longer. Who knows. Of course she agreed to help and was polite. Most people would be polite and civil under any circumstances, but it doesn’t mean anything more than that. It’s not an act. It’s expectation of civility. It’s not an indication of necessarily liking anyone. She doesn’t really know you.

OK, I’ll wait for her to contact me then. I’m starting to feel like she might be giving me a ‘polite’ brush off instead of just ignoring my texts or blocking me.

I didn’t call AAA because the place she was at was around the corner so I didn’t think I was inconveniencing her. She didn’t seem to mind. We would’ve had to reschedule our get together if I had to wait for AAA.

She really did find the situation to be funny. She said that happened to her many many times before. That actually never ever happened to me ever. I knew that I needed to get gas. I thought that I had enough to get by. I was wrong apparently.

I’d rather have her not respond to my texts instead of giving me possible false hope if this is what is going on with the possible ‘polite’ brush off. I’m terrible at picking up on hints.

The fact that she already flaked out on me 3 times is a red flag I think. It’s a pattern. Either she’s a flaky person or she is blowing me off.

Sometimes I think I might be autistic. I should get diagnosed for that sometime. My dad is definitely autistic. So I might be autistic too but slightly more functional than he is in a way.

She said she’ll call you. She didn’t. It doesn’t matter why.. So you shouldn’t keep contacting her. Don’t worry why people do what they do. Focus on why you do what you do, why you keep pursuing someone who doesn’t contact you and canceled on you 3 times in a row.

I’d say after someone ran out of gas once, they should make major changes in how they run their life. The fact that it happened to her many many times says a lot about her. She is a mess. She finds it funny. It’s kind of sad, not funny

You spend significant amount of time analyzing total strangers, you’ve met her twice. Who cares why she’s doing this or that. You’ll never have an answer. Focus on improvement in your own life. Don’t worry about random people

PS figure out with your milleage how far you can drive with low gas sign. Yours likely has been on for a long time. On average you can drive another 50 miles. And it’s bad for your car to drive on near empty tank. Fill up when you get close to getting empty, before even having a warning.. Don’t wait

When you see your psychiatrist next time, ask for evaluation. You’ll have to pay for it though as you have no insurance but he could diagnose you

I won’t contact her again. I talked to my only real friend today & she said that this woman id not my friend & tgat she sounds bipolar. She said been badly mabused before too.

I’ll delete & block her number. 3 times with zero explanation is to much.

I should’ve been mire careful. That’s never happened to me before.. My friend said she doesn’t respect me. Maybe you’re right about her being a mess. She’s had issues with loser men & had major issues with her ex. One of those being robbing her of over half a muklion dollars in her account. How the hell does that happen?

And it is weird to hiw she ran out of gas a lot in the past. She actually said tgat her ex siphoned gas out of cars in the past & I said why, was he broke or cheap & she said both. It was funny but weird LoL.

Still it’s a red flag. It’s not her fault, but still, weird. I know that I shouldn’t dwell on this, but I’m an INTJ & I can’t help but analyze things. I’m introspective.

I keep thinking that part of this is my fault. I try to figure people out to try to avoid making the same mistakes again.

That’s why.

The first time you did exactly what you are criticizing her for--you forgot to confirm.

Then she did you a big favor.

Why block and delete? Then you guarantee that she will never contact you. I'd not block and delete a person who rescued me when I ran out of gas.

An alternative is to wait and see if she gets her act together and contacts you. If not, I'd give her the benefit of the doubt and say that she is flaky, not that she is purposely mistreating you or does not want to be friends.

I don’t see any need to block and delete people unless they harass or mistreat you. She did none of that.

You have a point. Right now it looks like she probably won’t get back to me as she flaked on me 3 times already.

Like you said, she was probably just being polite by driving me to the gas station. I’d rather have people say no if it really bothered them that much though.

It is rude though to say you’ll call or text someone then not get back to that person. I understand that people forget, but twice already? That is to much of a coincidence IMHo.

She probably thinks I’m stupid now & is probably blowing me off & trying to give me hints. I hate it when people do this as it’s extremely confusing to me.

I’d rather just have them not say anything or better yet, say sorry, this isn’t going to work out because of XY or Z. That rarely happens of course as most people don’t want to hurt your feelings and are afraid of confrontation

My intuition is telling me that I’ll never hear back from her again.

No point to guess. You don’t know. It’s possible she has something going on that makes her preoccupied or maybe she’s rude. I’d be very upset if my long term friends just dumped me. But you don’t know her. Met twice. It didn’t work out. You give her too much thought

This is what I was trying to point out. You start off fine then a person does something human and you go right to defense mode making hostile labels, she’s flaky. Or if she’s not flaky she most be evil and is trying to push you out of her life. Black or white thinking.

Given your age she can simply be a kind agreeable person who forgets a lot. She sounds like a very nice person. There’s a thousand innocent reason for her actions. Not two. The label flaky is judgmental and harsh. The thinking she has evil machinations is you projecting your own fears.

Just have a no confrontation talk and ask her if she notices she forgets things a lot. That it upset you because you think it means she’s trying to dump you. That’s honest. Not labeling people and dumping them because they’re human.

Maybe. I hope that she’ll get back to me & that she’ll have a very good reason to why she went MIA for awhile.

I’ll let her contact me next if she ever does.

OK, I see your point. Obviously I’ve had a lot of horrific experiences with abusive horrible selfish people who have messed me up That and I had terrible parents & an awful sister & non supportive friends growing up most of my life.

It is very difficult for me to trust anyone these days. I try & most people keep disappointing me.

A lot of people are flaky & inconsiderate. It really is hard to find kind, genuine & decent people who are respectful & reliable out there.

I’m very tempted to text her & ask her the things you stated. I don’t want to appear to be needy though especially since I barely know her. She might not respond to my text

Maybe I’ll ask her that in a week from now & see what happens. I’ll staet out by saying, hey, are you OK? I didn’t hear back from you after I invited you out last week. I thought that you were going to call me but then I never got a call or a text from you. What’s going on?

How does that sound? What would you suggest I say or do?

That sounds good. Noncommittal and friendly.

Thanks. What should I do if she doesn’t respond though? Should I take that as a sign that maybe she doesn’t want to talk to me anymore?

Maybe she was just being polite & friendly? If so, the whole, oh, you sounded cool & talking to you was fun is awfully confusing!

After not getting back to me 3 times, and then IF she ignores me, then maybe I should just forget about her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jesyka Thanks. What should I do if she doesn’t respond though? Should I take that as a sign that maybe she doesn’t want to talk to me anymore? Maybe she was just being polite & friendly? If so, the whole, oh, you sounded cool & talking to you was fun is awfully confusing! After not getting back to me 3 times, and then IF she ignores me, then maybe I should just forget about her.

If she ignores you then it wiuld be wise to forget about you.

The "you sounded cool" comment was before she had much real interface with you except that one conversation. Maybe she reconsidered & just didn't want to hurt yiur "sensitive" feelings by telling you why she reconsidered.

Either that or her life became busy. Sometimes that is out of our control.

Don't judge or overthink.....just go with however it goes & leave it at that. We don't always get along with people like we originally think we might..that is normal for life

If she doesn’t respond, then there is nothing you need to be doing. Most certainly you shouldn’t continue pursuing her

Honestly no one owes us to be our friends or date us or anything. And of course it’s better if they are verbatim tell you that, but it’s not always safe, some people respond with such hostility that it’s better to just remain civil and not say anything.

I know dating is different but really not by much. In my dating years few times I liked the guy on a first date but after second date decided not to pursue it. I thought to directly say that as politely as possible. I was met with hostility, arguments, confrontation and demands of explanation. I’d be better off just not saying anything.

You don’t know how comfortable this woman is to explain anything to you after just two meetings. She might be afraid of you confronting her. She doesn’t know you

The thing is, for some people including me it's very difficult not to ''over think''. Have you ever read about HSP's? It's a real thing. (there's a thread on it here somewhere, don't ask me to post a link)

OK, I’ll try to be more patient & tolerant for lack of a better word from now on.

Anyways, I texted her yesterday to see what was going on instead of deleting her number.

I asked her if everything was OK or not as I didn’t hear back from her yet. I also asked her if she tends to forget things as I noticed she didn’t get back to me 3 times And that I’d stop contacting her if I didn’t hear back from her as I don’t want to bother her.

I took a huge risk but it paid off. She told me that she has been more forgetful lately & said that she has been very busy.

She asked me if I’d like to get together this week. Hopefully she won’t forget again. Hopefully she isn’t a flaky person. Flaky people are hard for me to deal with personally. There is only so much flakiness I can take. I have issues with abandonment.

So I’ll take things easy & slow with this lady & try to be more paitient this time.

She does seem like a genuine & cool person. She is a teacher who works with autistic kids & she worked at a tiger sanctuary to help save tigers.

She also has anxiety issues that might be more severe then mine since she mentioned having problems going to the store & the mall. I don’t understand how she can risk her life being around a tiger & yet feel anxious about that. It is what it is though.

She said she’d feel more comfortable going to the mall with another person.

I feel a sense of relief for now. Hopefully she isn’t just saying this to be nice then when the time comes, she’ll flake out again. I’ll be sure to confirm plans with her the day before to help her remember things.

She did get back to me. Please see my recent message on here. I don’t want to re type everything again.

She’s got her own troubles, she’s not flaky, she’s anxious and it causes her to be forgetful. Try to not take it personally but I’m sure she doesn’t mean it that way. She sounds like a very human cool person.