Ex Partner is bipolar and going through an episode

My ex partner went through a very bad episode and met someone while in it. This person isn’t good for them at all and sa them. He is literally everything they hate and doesn’t have a job or anything. But they say they love him. So in return I started talking to someone new. We hung out today and I mentioned it. It led to them crying and leaving. I was very confused because they told me that’s what they wanted. They tell me they don’t want me but at other times they tell me how much they love me. Last night they looked at me with so much love and wouldn’t stop talking about how beautiful I am. I feel like they are still going through an episode. I am comfortable being their friend but I set some boundaries in place to protect myself. When I mentioned that their actions don’t line up with their words they said how they’ve been told that and how they are a terrible person. I feel so alone. I am only 20 and we’ve been together for 4 years. They had an episode worse then this before we met and that lasted months. They also had a very bad one while we were together and that last months. I miss my best friend. Sometimes it feels like they are in the right frame of mine and they tell me to just let it all happen. Before this episode we were together and doing amazing. I am so hurt and I just want my best friend back. We were engaged and idk what to do.

I am so very sorry you are in that situation. Do think your best friend's behavior is temporary and the result of the bad episode or do you think it is something rooted in some permanent inside them? It is hard to know what to do in such a situation. Wish I knew how to be helpful.

Trying to keep your ex-partner as your current best friend is a project that is guaranteed to bring you one heartache after another. It is unhealthy. You cannot get your best friend "back" in this situation. You need to do 2 things that you don't want to do. You need to let go of your ex. That means you must stop monitoring your ex's moods and episodes and what kind of relationship your ex has gotten into. It's not your business . . . even though you still love and care for this person. You must let go. Secondly, you need to not let your ex hang on to you as a handy security blanket to grab onto when their new relationship isn't going well.

If your ex is telling you how beautiful you are, that is not a loving way to speak to you. That is exploiting you. That's called "trying to have one's cake and eat it too."

Keeping an ex-partner as a close friend comes up in this forum a lot. I've never seen it be anything but a source of ongoing misery. Suppose your ex decided to come back to you as a partner again. Are you hoping for that? If it happened, how much trust could you have? You'ld always worry about being left again, which probably would happen.

You need to be open to a new relationship, where you are #1 in that person's heart . . . and vice versa. How would that new person feel, seeing you all tangled up with your ex? The new person would resent that - and rightfully so.

Let go of your ex, so that you have room in your life for new relationships that will offer you more. Stop letting yourself be clung to by someone who is not coming to you for your sake, but just looking to be comforted by you . . . and then leaving you, when the grass is greener elsewhere. Cut the cord. That will be painful and hurt for awhile. Then you'll move on and heal. Or stay ensnarled in something that will just keep on feeling hurtful. You can do better than that.

Bottom line is that someone with bipolar that is just as much a part of who they are as the person who you "think" is your best friend. If you don't want to (or can't) handle BOTH aspects of this person it is best to leave because BOTH aspects are who they really are.

I would never buy into being treated that way. Geeze, you are only 20, you have a whole lifetime ahead of you. You don't need to get TRAPPED into the emotional roller coaster this person will trap you into. Get out & stay out while you can

He tells you to just "let it all happen". There is no concern for you whatsoever in that statement. Does he even care how his actions affect you?

Also, there was no mention of treatment. Is he on medication? Under the care of a psychiatrist? Does he take his medication consistently?

The fact of the matter is being hypomanic can be fun and exhilarating for a person with bipolar. Hypomania can be fun, until it's not. If he is someone who "enjoys" his episodes, life with this person will always be difficult. Just ask Kim Kardashian.

Once he is older and riddled with debt from untreated episodes or loss of all friends, he may come to realize there is a heavy price to pay for these episodes. That could be 20 years down the road.
And every episode will take a toll on you as well as him. You can't help him if he doesn't want to help himself.