Rude chiropractor. Called him out finally.

Language and communication can be very subtle and open to all kinds of interpretations. This incident is a good example. Many people have difficulty understanding these subtleties and misinterpret exchanges.

You may be looking for insults and slights when that was not that person’s intention.

I see no reason your chiropractor would intend to insult you. That’s why my go-to interpretation was that he thought he was being funny and thought that you would also think his teasing was funny, based on the way you must have told him the story.

If you had told him about getting drunk and kicked out of bars in a way that was traumatic for you, I can’t imagine he would be ending your visits with saying to you in front of the whole office to ‘stay out of trouble’.

The first time he did it, and you said “whatever”, he did not understand by how you responded that you wished he would stop teasing you. “Whatever” doesn’t mean ‘I don’t want to talk about this and feel embarrassed’. I’m not sure what ‘whatever’ means.

I’ve had such bad experiences with me and another person not properly communicating that I’ve had to dissect language like this down to each word, yikes. It is frustrating and a common occurrence among people. I feel your frustration.

yes, @TishaBuv, teasing is exactly the right term. It was light-hearted, well-intentioned teasing.

I mentioned to my GP that i had met Fabio back in the late 80's? It became a running joke between us for the next 30 years. He would even call me at home to give me my test results and say, "una, this is Fabio." He would tell his nurses, this patient met Fabio. I dont think they were even old enough to know who he is.

I think there is a place on the chart to note "personal anecdote". How else could they remember?

We were alone in the room where I was being treated at the time. I felt like he didn’t take me seriously which was rude.

You perseverate in judging his behavior as rude even though several of us tried showing to you that the situation was comical (as created by you initially) and that he intended to treat you well. Since you created the situation as comical to begin with, it needed an equally lighthearted transition to more serious tone if you indeed did not want him to tease you. What would have helped under the circumstances is a sense of humor. It is not too late, I think, to acknowledge to him that his initial teasing was well-intentioned, that you value his concern for you and his work as a chiropractor who cares for you, and that you you wish you had done two things differently:

- asked him nicely to stop teasing you right when you first felt uncomfortable
- had the presence of a sense of humor when you finally decided to ask him to stop.

In other words, use some self-deprecating remarks.

In my opinion developed over many decades of living, self-deprecation is one of the biggest assets in human communication.

I think context is important. If you were at AA meeting or addiction therapy session and shared what happened, it would be rude for them to comment like that..

But you shared it in a comical way. It’s funny. Honestly if I told people I was kicked out from two bars they’d think I said it to be funny and they’d laugh along. It’s only not funny if you are an alcoholic struggling to stay sober or if the event ended up tragically. But it’s not how you presented it. It sounds like you two were sharing drunken stories in a funny way.

Sure drinking in access is not funny all in itself, but it depends how you present it. Maybe I am a stupid person but I find it funny maybe because I don’t even drink.

I see your point. I’ll just stick to safe light topics from niw on. Telling him that was a mistake.

Here is a tool you can use: Look at all of his behavior as a whole. Has he been nice to you, as well? Or has all of his behavior towards you been rude? (Which most certainly would warrant finding another chiropractor). I ask these questions, bc I struggle w some of these same thoughts you do, Jesyka. I sometimes think people don't like me (sometimes I'm right, often I'm wrong). I feel badly about myself sometimes when I've got nothing to feel badly about myself for. I make mistakes socially (spoiler alert, everyone does!) and I've overshared before for sure. Looking at the whole of the situation....it's a skill used to help us discern the truth of the situation, a person, or ourselves, deciphering what's really going on. You won't always get it right. But sometimes, slowly, things will click and you'll get it bang on. It's critical thinking. It's checking the facts. It will get easier.

And sometimes, we don't know. We don't have all the info and we won't. And we will have to let it go. Or leave the situation or accept it, etc. The chiropractor who stifled laughter when you eventually told him your true feelings about his jokes...I'd not like that either. I'd feel like I wasn't being taken seriously. I'm going to go w the other posters: it probably wasn't malicious laughter. Despite the awkwardness of feeling laughed at, I hope he wasn't laughing AT you. I hope he respects you. I don't know him. So I don't know. And I wasnt there. Maybe he's immature too. Maybe he himself has immature ways of communicating and processing. Not malicious. Just...not honed. Fwiw...I'd not like it if someone stifled laughter after I stood up for myself. Regardless of why they were laughing. I'd be like "huh?" You might be able to discern more about him later. However, it sounds like he stopped, yes? This is also information for the whole picture. It shows professionalism and respect. For you.

Fwiw...I also don't like being teased, Jesyka. And just bc you both shared drinking stories...doesn't give anyone the right to tease you about it. Some ppl...their nature is to tease. Some ppl kind-heartedly, some ppl are brutal (again, it's that discerning the situation). They like it. It's a way to show: affection, care, to bond and communicate (and yes, it can also be a way to be hurtful and hostile - discerning the situation). I agree w the other posters it was a natural progression of communication. He was light-heartedly teasing. But some ppl aren't comfortable w teasing no matter the level, that's okay, you just need to say something. Which you eventually did.

I don't think you really did anything wrong in telling him the story. He didn't pick up your "hints," and honestly...most ppl wouldn't pick that up. Silence can mean too many things including "keep going." So it's great that you did finally tell him and put up a boundary. Though I'm sorry it was an awkward and frustrating experience to do so.

Keep digging. Keep asking questions here. Also, hopefully you'll find some answers (skills, tools, knowledge) that you can apply to the situations you find hard, too.

Are you in therapy?

Woven,
I’m totally agreed with you.
I neither think Jesyka did anything bad by sharing this story, as long as she felt comfortable with doing so. I must deduce the context was the appropriated and they have a relation with enough confidence.
But, if she was wrong, it’s only a mistake as everyone make.
The key is what we do after. How we respond and handle the situation.

When a behaviour, an act from another person unsettles me, I try to do, without getting it always 😂, what you do. Distancing to see the whole picture. Always, taking my possible own responsibility (this is very important, don’t distract ourself from the focus putting the responsibility outside, we can’t control what others do).
It helps a lot to see from a more objective perspective and give the calm a more objective-based response and personalised to this person, a certain context. That way we will avoid to reach to extreme conclusions such us, I’m not gonna share things like that with anybody else in the planet.
Each relation is unique and as much as there may be what acceptable social norms are, the main role is played by the norms created by two individual themselves, for this unique relationship.
Thank you, Woven, for explaining so well what I wanted to say in this thread and I didn’t dare to do it.