another houseplant has died

So I have just taken the remains of an orchid in a pot to the compost cart. The orchid was given to me by my local relatives when they came to have dinner I cooked. It was in mid-June, less than 2 months ago. I did not enjoy the orchid and the responsibility for its care simply added to my list of responsibilities and I am already stretched thin. Due to my bipolar issues, probably, or for some other reasons, but I require a lot of sleep in order to function. Say, yesterday I went to sleep at 10:22 PM and this morning I woke up at 8:22 AM (without an alarm). That is 10 hours in bed. Out of that, according to Oura ring which is a pretty accurate sleep tracker, I sleep about 8 hours because I have low sleep efficiency. I have fewer waking hours available to me than most people and a few minutes to do this plus a few minutes to do that really adds up.

I have another plant, a bromeliad, which was gifted to me by my friend, also when she came to have lunch with me. I cooked the lunch. She had gifted me plants in the past. This bromeliad is not supposed to require frequent waterings and I think I have been giving it what it needed, but it is still completely faded now and looks horrible. It is not dead, though, which is why I have not yet taken it to the compost cart.

These people have the best intentions when they give me plants. They also apparently believe that when I spend time cooking for them, they are required to acknowledge and reciprocate with a gift. I personally do not feel that way. I love cooking for people and having them over. I live in a small 2-bedroom apartment, have a small dinner table and not a lot of dishes, so I cannot entertain large crowds (which is something I otherwise would have wanted to do), but I enjoy inviting one person or small groups.

I do have succulents and cacti next to my unit.

I tried having outdoor plants about 8-9 years ago but found out that the upkeep was too much for me; they all died. Succulents and cacti do well in my care. I think this is the most I am capable of, ensuring the succulents and cacti survive.

I want to write a letter and have it available as a draft, to send it next time both to these people who have already gifted me plants when they come visit me again and to my future guests as a preemptive measure so that I do not receive more houseplants.

I am OK telling them that if they feel they must bring a gift (and it is truly not necessary!), I would appreciate a cactus or a succulent which I will then lovingly tend to for years to come.

I hope someone can help start the draft for me. I am not that worried about writing preemptively to future guests, but about these people who have already brought gifts that were destined to quickly die.

How about somewhere on your social media you label yourself The Cactus Queen and include a line, "where deciduous plants come to die." And include pics of your cacti.

P.s. i also have a black thumb!

I don’t keep plants because I kill them all. Oh I kill cacti too. No plants are safe with me

This is so funny! Great idea! "where deciduous plants come to die".

And I did not know the expression "a black thumb". But sure enough, Merriam-Webster has an article on it! https://www.merriam-webster.com/dict.../black%20thumb

Where deciduous plants and even cacti come to die.

Lol people don’t bring me plants. They know better. Maybe next time you talk to these people bring it up that you are not good with plants but like succulents.

I googled it, i guess deciduous isnt exactly the correct term, it really just applies to trees and shrubs, but its such a musical word!

I wouldn’t write a letter, rather tell them that you feel so bad you killed all the plants. Tell them they are sending the plant to the gallows if they bring you another, lol!

This is wonderful advice and an absolutely lovely metaphor of the gallows. I will do exactly as you say.

Even though I completely understand your aversion to getting the plants, I'm a big believer that a gift is purely a gift and should be accepted at face value with pleasure for both parties involved. After you've received the gift, it's served its purpose of being a gift, and you are free to do as you please with it.

I have a green thumb, but don't care to have people gift plants for a couple of reasons- some aren't cat safe, space is at a premium, a strong preference for certain varieties. People get the wrong idea that I love plants and that anything they bring is a welcome addition. Here's what I do though. Just be grateful, as though someone brought you flowers (that won't be around long). Then... 1) if you like it, give it a place in your home and see if it thrives on benign neglect. 2) if possible place it in an outside area and see if it likes living in your climate (I live in an unforgiving climate and am surprised at how many do well outside) 3) regift it to another friend or someone else who might enjoy it. 4) after the friend is gone, place it in a common area with a free sign.

If the friend comes back to visit and asks about the plant, tell them that you don't do well with many plants. Maybe cacti and succulents are the exception. They'll get the hint without being offended or hurt. They may also notice, not say anything, but stop bringing you plants.

I sent my house plants outside on my front deck for the summer where they are easier to water & care for. Thought it was a great idea until the raccoons decided that tipping over plants & digging in pots was a fun thing to do. Lol....I now have a doggie x-pen set up around that area & it mostly keeps them away unless I forget to put food out for them....then they get even by terrorizing my plants

I can see myself posting it on the Facebook Buy Nothing group, so it is a possibility, but I would like to stop it. So I will act preemptively. I do not think that my guests would want to put an extra burden on me of looking for recipients of their unwanted gifts and spending time interacting on Facebook in order to pass them on. They must be thinking that they benefit me with their gifts, and it is just simply not the case.

I just want to mention how valuable human connection and human intellect are. Before posting, I tried getting a draft of a letter out of ChatGPT. I gave it the prompt that I later made into my OP, and then guided it in editing its drafts. It was not bad considering it understood well what I needed, but nothing came close to teaching me about "black thumb" and suggesting "sending to the gallows" and "where deciduous plants come to die". ChatGPT was also very verbose and clichéd.

Yes to humans!

My job is safe!

My therapist used to call me "lunapedia".

It is amazing how the human brain works. I often see jokes floating in the air - i just write them down.

Yes to humans! Love it!

I love this! I haven’t tried using ChatGPT, and find this comforting and hilarious.

Yes, human connection is valuable. You have nice friends who come over for dinners you enjoy making, and that is what is really important. You’ll all hopefully have a chuckle over the plants, and keep sharing good company.

After my mentioning "sending to the gallows" those poor plants, I am sure we will chuckle over it!

I put the bromeliad into the compost bin. Its top was all brown and dry. It was an eyesore. I decided that enough was enough. It is not a sentient being. I am not wasting it: I am sending it to compost where it will eventually help grow other plants.

I have talked to one of the friends, the one who most recently gifted the bromeliad. Discussed how we plan to get together again and I told her just not to bring me plants, bring herself and that would be enough, because bringing me plants is like sending them to the gallows. I think it got a good chuckle from her to the extent I could judge it in a phone conversation. Told her that I keep watering as instructed but they still die. She then went on how when she has orchids, she just keeps them and they die and it is OK. But it is not OK for me. Somehow I really detest witnessing the later stages of a dying plant's life. So thanks but no hanks. She said she would bring something else or bring herself. I am happy.