Why did this rock star harass me?

Maybe. I regret even trying to approach them now

I disagree. I have been bullied my entire life. Do you not recall what I wrote about on other threads?

I have been bullied by my psycho family, classmates, a few former supervisors, coworkers, my husband ls family & my husband.

I thought this is a support site, not a place to where people pass judgement & tell you how you should feel about things.

Please don’t make anymore judgments & assumptions about me. You don’t really know what I’ve been through.

It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks of this situation. The point is that ‘I’ felt targeted & violated. I don’t understand why people are trying to get me to feel & see things like they do.

You asked what people thought of this event. Everyone had kind of similar view on that. You are now stating we are wrong and you have rights to see it differently. Of course you do. You could continue thinking that he assaulted and violated you or that he had hots for you. All of this is fine, but if you didn’t want people’s opinions, why did you ask for people’s opinions? You could continue thinking whatever you are thinking.

You keep asking what people think on variety of topics and then get upset that they don’t think the way you do. Why ask then?

I never said it was comical or normal. I said it happens a lot and provided examples all in response to you stating that stuff like that doesn’t happen.

I don’t believe Tart said you were never bullied. She said that this particular situation isn’t an example of bullying or assault. Performers (some) do make lewd gestures while on stage, it’s part of their performance. It’s very gross but is not an example of bullying or assault. You even wonder if police would get involved. They wouldn’t.

I just said that it seemed to me like people were trying to tell me to think about things like they do. If I was wring about that, I apologize.

OK, I misunderstood what you said. Sorry.

That’s to bad. I personally felt like I was harassed. What he did scared me & it definitely wasn’t funny to ME.

I felt attacked & that he took out some of his issues out on me. I didn’t want to be a part of the show.

Well it’s in the past. Learn the lesson and move on. I don’t think it’s helpful for you to keep reliving it

People offer you different perspectives because you ask. You are free to consider our views or ignore. No one can make you think anything but you could consider other opinions, especially if you ask for them

You start threads asking Why? We all gave you reasons we thought were why. I thought that’s what you wanted to understand. It seemed like you were seeing situations very differently than the rest of us do.

It’s all conjecture anyway, because we don’t know what was in his mind as to why he did whatever he did and what it meant. By the details you gave, we were able to connect the dots to draw a conclusion. I thought this may be helpful to you, as you seem to be struggling with communication, and asking for support for that.

I’d have felt embarrassed and humiliated, too. It’s just that “assaulted” means something more severe, so we got into discussion about our thoughts on you calling it that.

Yes, I saw this situation differently. I did not see it as being a normal part of the show or comical at all.

I understand that other people didn’t take what happened to me as seriously. They weren’t there though. It was scary. He was intimidating.

I got the feeling that he was trying to upset or provoke me for whatever reason. I naturally assumed that he was showing sexual interest in me as I assuned that his groin thrust was a crude way of ‘flirting’ with me. I’m probably wrong about that now.

To single out a woman by herself at a show just for laughs or whatever is sick & disgusting bullying behavior IMHO.

I doubt that anyone here would like having that done to them. I doubt that things would be comical if that actually happened to them.

I was expecting people to be more empathetic & sympathetic, but no, I just ended up getting unfairly criticized & judged by some people again which is upsetting.

I have anxiety issues & that whole incident scared me so much that I froze up. I didn’t react to what was hoing on quickly enough or rationally enough to get away in time. Given my history with numerous assaults, it was triggering.

I know if anything like that ever happens again, that I’ll move. As for the communication issues, I misunderstood a few people.

It doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m on the spectrum or don’t know how to communicate or have common issues.

People on here are becoming increasingly judgemental & hostile & that’s sad.

I think you are misunderstanding what people are saying. The point isn’t that this is normal. It’s not a normal appropriate behavior at all but unfortunately it’s common for some performers to act this way.

What people are saying it’s not categorized as an assault. What people are saying that motives you assigned to his behavior have no basis in reality, there’s zero evidence of anything you assumed about this dude.

I don’t think anyone argues that this is scary. It’s beyond scary. It’s mortifying. Honestly I would be mortified to go to a club get drunk being called a prostitute go try to meet with a band then be right by the stage when dude acts like a jerk and then go look for him after all this. Yes it is scary. It’s dangerous. I am not timid or shy person but I’d be horrified in these circumstances.

So I don’t know why you think it wouldn’t be scary for others. Most women would be terrified to get into such circumstances. It’s dangerous

I think there is a huge contradiction in some things you are saying. You said we don’t understand that this is scary yet you are the one engaging in these dangerous behaviors getting into scary situations. So it seems that maybe YOU don’t understand that things you do are scary. We do understand that it’s scary.

You did not sound scared because even after that thing happened, you still went looking for him. You didn’t call taxi or someone to get you all terrified. You went to look for your assailant. if it was scary you’d stay far away, not going looking for him. You don’t seem to understand danger.

So I am not sure what’s this all about

I’m not laughing at you or thinking what he did was alright.

I’ll add a thought that other women might have loved that attention from him on stage. They might have played along with it and done obscene things right back at him in front of the whole audience, then gone backstage to be a groupie. This is the nature of these kinds of places.

He may have thought that you would be like these kinds of women and would love it.

Anyway, whoever this guy is, he made quite an impression lol.

I understand what you’re telling me. I understand now that this was just part of the show. I made the wrong assumptions. I don’t have a lot of experience with men, so I don’t get some things as easily as some women do.

Sorry for the misunderstandings. You’re right, it was terrifying! At the time I was excited to be there, not scared. The liquid courage helped with that, lol. I think that I probably took extra valium on top of thst too.

Sadly, I would’ve never been able to go to a show alone sober as sober me is NOT that brave or tough! lol. I’d be shaking if I wasn’t intoxicated!

I did some crazy stuff that baffles me even. Clearly I didn’t think things through. I should’ve reported that rude roadie to a manager instead of flipping him off & being rude back.

And for trying to find him after the show, thank goodness I had the good sense to change my mind about that! He probably would’ve laughed in fave & called me crazy! I went home after that. I made sure thst no one was following me. I had my hand in my jacket with pepper spray in it.

I wanted to ask him why he did what he did & to offer me an apology, lol. Stupid, I know! I know better now finally! It may not seem like it, but it’s true. Aside from the Lyft incident which was recent, I haven’t had any major issues with anyone.

Never again! I froze during the show & afterwards too. Is there any way to get your body to not freeze up in extreme or scary situations? I had that happen to me before when I was in danger or felt like I was in danger before. It’s like I’m not able to be completely logical & rational when I’m very stressed out.

I think that some people can still respond to bad situations in a calm & rational way, but not me.

What Tish said after you is probably true. He assumed a lot about me. I probably did give him the wrong first impression, ugh.

My feelings regarding this is an assault or sexual harassment instead of something ‘normal’ still stands though.

Even if this incident wouldn’t be taken seriously by the police or the manager of the club, it was still
very triggering for me. Only women who have been assaulted can understand how I feel.

You do make a good point. The lady who met them heard my story & she said sorry to hear that. She also had water splashed on her before & she had her own embarrassing experiences with them too. She didn’t go into details though.

I wish that I would’ve asked her what happened. We lost touch with each other.

I met her online. He probably got the wrong impression of me. Trying to just talk to them before the show wasn’t a good idea. I naievely thought that it was OK to just say hi to them. What’s the difference between before or after the show I thought?

It’s a good thing that I changed my mind about trying to get an apology from him. He probably would’ve gotten angry, called me crazy or maybe would’ve laughed in my face.

Never again.

Jesyka it was not normal, it just doesn’t qualify as assault.

Like the club you were in that I joked was a lion’s den, so is going backstage to say hi to the rock star…

I understand how this was upsetting and weighed on you for a long time. I hope you feel better about it, having talked about it more.

I think meeting performers before or after the show is ok if you know them personally or if you work in the industry. If you just an audience I wouldn’t try to talk to performers. They are strangers and they might misinterpret your attention.