Why did this rock star harass me?

Trigger warning.

I have mentioned this breifly in my assault thread. I’d like more specific insight into why I was chosen as a target. I felt bullied & harassed.

I’ll never go to a show alone anymore.

I know I should let it go, but I can’t even though it happened years ago. It would probably help me a bit to make sense of things.

I’m an adult female. I went to a club by myself once since I had no one to go with at the time. My husband hates my music & my friends weren’t interested or available back then.

Anyways, I stood upfront right by the stage. It was a small club. The show was amazing up until the lead singer came up to the very edge of the stage.

I had to look up at him to avoid looking at his groin area, lol. I should’ve moved, but I had a crush on him, lol

So after I was in this awkward position, he all of a sudden thrust his groin area at me! He had shorts on. Omg, my jaw hit the floor! I have been to lots of rock shows & I have never seen anyone do that ever.

He bent his back like Neo did in the Matrix when he was dodging bullets. lol .

I don’t think that I’m that hot, lol. I was mostly covered up too. I was wearing a tight low cut shirt though but I didn’t have any clevage showing. I had on jeans & a long leather jacket.

I should’ve moved, but part of me liked the attention. That guy is hot. I’m not a groupie though.

Even though his actions seem obvious, I’d still like to hear what other people think of why he did what he did.

At the end of the show, he left the stage but then he came back onstage & crouched down in fromt of me.

I froze. I was in shock once again. Especially since I’m shy & I have issues with anxiety. My mind went blank & I couldn’t even look at him. I saw nothing. He was that intimidating to me! He then splashed water on my face.

I felt a few drops of water of my nose & my jacket. I was livid! Thankfully no one laughed at me. Two people made rude comments though The girls next to me & one person called me a nasty name before I went outside.

One guy did say, wow, she’s really pretty when I turned my head. I wish he would’ve said, omg, that guy is a ****, are you OK? Another guy who tried to approach me earlier said hey beautiful in the parking lot. He wasn’t creepy, so I smiled & waved at him

The rockstar left after I looked at him with disgust. Why would he hurt & humiliate a fan like that? Was he offering me water or a chance to go backstage with him?

I refused to hang out with him in private although I would’ve loved to do that since I was by myself. And I was a bit drunk too. I doubt that he’d just want to talk to me, lol. I wasn’t there to hook up. I’m married & asexual. He definitely choose the wrong woman that night, lol.

I was afraid that I could be raped possibly. That guy freaked me out when he thrust his groin inches away from my face!

No one asked me if I was OK or not. Disgusting! I was so shocked that I just managed to wipe the water off of me & I then stood there like an idiot waiting for the next band to come on stage

I left after a few minutes. Outside I approached two of the band members to sign my C.D. Stupid, I know. I mostly did it to ask where the leas singer was so that I could ask him to why he did what he did & to apologize to me what he did.

The first guy was rude & said something about how there was no love lost. He did at least sign my C.D & he told me that the singer would be outside in 45 minutes. So did the other guy. Thet said that he was doing an interview Weird.

So I didn’t bother to wait. I also had the good sense to leave. That guy is crazy & he might’ve just laughed in my face instead of apologizing to me.

Prior to the show I tried to say hi to the band outside. I was the only who tried approaching them before the show.

This roadie stopped me & said no prostitutes. I told him that I’m not one & I then asked him to apologize to me. He didn’t.

He had the nerve to tell me that I wouldn’t get in. I flipped him off, lol. Maybe I gave the band the impression that I was a groupie?

I’d like to hear what people think of this situation & what would you have done if you were me?

I was really hurt that a musician I liked publicly humilated me. I didn’t deserve that at all.

I have never heard of him doing anything like this ever. I was told by a fellow fan that they’re cool & that they are nice to their fans.

So that made me feel even worse than ever. Was I mistreated because the singer felt like I rejected him maybe?

Would the police have done anything at all or the manager of the club have done anything at all
If I told them what happened? This seems like a possible assault case .

I don’t think it’s assault case. I doubt police would get involved. Maybe they’d advice you to move away from the stage if you feel uncomfortable

Just some ideas:
Thrusting one’s groin in that way is a common gesture for many performers

You stood very close to the stage, had a crush on him and liked his attention (it was likely noticeable) so he possibly thought you like this kind of stuff. You even tried to see them before the performance.

You were intoxicated, he was likely as well. Other people were drunk or/and high so what they said or didn’t say is irrelevant as they were not sober

You keep saying you rejected him. In which way? Did he ask you anything or even spoke to you? You never moved away no matter how badly he behaved so I don’t see you rejecting him at all. You said you refused to hang out with him in private. Did he ask to see you in private or you just think he did?

I don’t know why he sprayed water on you. It’s crazy. But I am puzzled why you still stood there?

You can never answer why people do this or that because you’ll never know but some performers love bizarre behaviors and think that fans like it (and many do, your actions showed him that you liked it so he kept on acting ridiculous).

You have a serious problem if you are still ruminating about this all these years later.

Rock stars can be total jerks & it sounds like your "crush" on him did not put you in a healthy position to deal with a jerk. Having a crush on someone creates a look about you that probably even you aren't aware of but the person is.

You have not made wise choices in your life, this being one of them. Don't put yourself in bad places then complain about the how the bad people there treat you badly. In other words don't walk through a fire & then blame the fire because it burned you. Use come common sense when making choices in life & you will avoid a lot of the things you are complaining about now

At this point it’s wise to learn the lesson and move on with your life.

That’s common behavior for rock stars on stage. No that is not assault.

But the many, many post you start in this vine are beginning to sound as if you relish the idea of being a victim. You weren’t. In fact the many many post are beginning to make me think you are humble bragging. Look at me, look what I did, how cool I was, and I’m a victim. You always ask why but these things are far in the past and there is no answering why other people do what they do. The question you should be asking is why am I hanging on to this. What is my need to get others to call me a victim.

I’ve been to lots of concerts & I have never had any performer thrust their groin out at me ever. What you said does make sense.

I said that maybe he felt like I rejected him as my jaw dropped in shock when that happened.

I think that he went back onstage at the end of the show to invite me backstage. Or he was trying to
offer me a bottle of water. I think. I’m not sure of any of that.

Like I said, I froze & I wasn’t able to focus on how he looked or what he did. All I recall is that he crouched down in front of me & splashed water on my face. It was a few drops from a bottle.

I then gave him a dirty look & he left. Why would he splash water on my face?

A guy told me that he was making it obvious with the groin thrust that he wanted a blow job. Idk if that’s the case or not.

So when he saw that I wasn’t going anywhere with him, maybe he got pissed & decided to get his petty revenge on me for ‘teasing’ him unintentionally. I could’ve moved, but I didn’t think of that then.

I was only there to enjoy the show & that’s it. I probably gave him the wrong impression when I didn’t move after he thrust his groin at me.

I just looked up instead to avoid being at eye level with his groin area. He cocerved me into looking up. I wasn’t thinking as I was anxious & kind of drunk too. I kind of froze.

I don’t go out alone at night anymore btw.

I know that I’ve made mistakes in the past. I no longer go out at night alone. I don’t get drunk in public anymore either.

I rarely even go out to clubs now & I avoid bars now. I’ve been through lot. I don’t like the judgmental tone I’m getting from you.

Everyone makes mistakes. People deal with trauma differently. I can’t just easily forget this.

Not everyone has the ability to forget about things.

I’m not bragging. I don’t appreciate this victim shaming & blaming mentality. I was a victim.

I don’t appreciate the judgemental tone I’m getting from you. I’m on here to get support, not judgement.

If you don’t like my posts, then don’t respond to them if you think I’m just looking to ‘brag’. I’m not.

Everyone processes trauma differently. It’s a lot harder for me since I’m a highly sensitive & emotional person who has anxiety.

You probably don’t know what it feels like to be assaulted numerous times. It’s scary. Show some compassion & stop victim shaming & blaming. The things that happened to me weren’t exactly all my fault.

I don’t deserve to be treated badly., I don’t go around blaming people for what happened to them on here, so other people shouldn’t be doing that to me.

If he wanted to invite you back stage, he would. I don’t know why you assume that’s what he wanted to do. It’s just guessing

Him thrusting his groin was a fairly common move on stage and in no way indicated he had romantic interest. Your jaw dropping isn’t an indication of you rejecting him and in no way would he perceived as such. He didn’t make any advances so there was nothing to reject.

Performers thrusting their body parts towards fans and audience (especially the ones that are obviously big fans) isn’t an indication of wanting blow jobs from total strangers in the audience.

Again we don’t know why he threw water at you. First it was a bottle but now you are saying it was few drops. Perhaps it was an accident. You’d need to ask him, although I am sure he doesn’t remember

I don’t know why you assign so many motives and agendas to other people’s (strangers) actions. Honestly none of them sound plausible and are very far fetched.

As I said, that’s never happened to me before ever. I’ve never seen any performer do thst ever.

He had a bottle of water with him. He took water from the bottle to splash on my face. That is to much IMHO.

You don’t get into peoples personal space like that & bully them for no resson. It definitely wasn’t an accident. I was clearly targeted for some reason. Thst was very rude & inappropriate behavior.

I can’t help being analytical btw. It’s just how I am. I’m always trying to figure people out

You haven’t even seen the most iconic figures doing that? Haven’t seen footage of girls screaming every time Elvis Presley does some lower body moves? Michael Jackson? Many rappers/hip hop singers literally hold their privates making these moves. You can’t be serious.

Just because you haven’t had something happened to you before it doesn’t mean that’s not what many performers do. Also maybe you weren’t right there by the stage other times

You can’t really figure strangers out because you don’t know them plus what purpose does it serve? It’s not like this person is in your life.

Plus in order for it to be analytical there has to be evidence of whatever you think happened. There’s zero evidence of anything you assumed about the guy. Him wanting private time with you, wanting you back stage, him feeling rejected by you etc

. It’s not analysis but some type of assumption not based on reality. I really hope you start your therapy soon. Id address why you still think of it years later and why you assign motives to people and create these scenarios and stories with no evidence.

It sounds like he made a sexual gesture because it made for good entertainment during his performance. I don’t know how to say why I think he sprayed some water on you in a polite way… If he gestured crotch in your face the water was to simulate his release.

I don’t see this as an assault. You were just in the wrong place, up close to the stage, and he thought doing this was funny. He didn’t touch you. A little flick of water isn’t an assault.

Maybe he had seen you before the show and targeted you during his act. Maybe he liked you and thought you would be a groupie and find him backstage. You did try to talk to him after, but didn’t want to wait for him.

It’s not very common to be married and asexual, as you mentioned here. I don’t mean to get overly personal, just thought you may have mentioned it because you might want to talk about that.

It must be frustrating to really not understand social communication. Have you talked to many people, asking about this incident that happened long ago? What did they all say? What do you think it all meant?

This wasn’t an assault. Seems like you are assigning fantastical motives to something that was just part of a performance.

Ah! Clever. It makes sense. I am slow to reach such conclusions (and I had to look up the term groupie, ha!).

OK, since you ask what people think and now that I have looked up the meaning of the term groupie, I can answer: yes, quite obviously, since you were the only person who tried approaching the band before the show, it follows that the band members could have easily formed the impression that you were a groupie.

In my opinion, and it is not criticism directed at you personally but at a current trend, it is hugely disrespectful to victims of true bullying to do what you are doing here. Think of children who are actually bullied in school and are afraid to go to the classroom each morning. You were involved in a trivial and fleeting incident where the singer did not do anything bad to you and you are essentially equating your situation with that of children who are oppressed, frightened and put into dehumanizing situations day in and day out.

I believe that had you ever been a victim of true bulling, like such children, you would have known the difference well. That you throw around big words such as assault and trauma means that you are all too happy to claim yourself a victim and be part of that modern trend. When people point that out to you, you wrongly accuse them of victim blaming and victim shaming. They are not blaming or shaming you as a victim; they are telling you that you are NOT a victim here.

I have not read the other thread about alleged assault so I am only sharing my impression based on this post.

Similar to the chiropractor example, you are not seeing a comical situation for what it is, a comical situation. I do not know how to help that other than to suggest that when you engage in what you call analysis, you pause to consider that the situation you are trying to analyze might be purely comical. Maybe even make this the first thing to analyze: can this be a comical situation that you are not seeing as comical because of a tendency to assign yourself the status of a victim prematurely and without a justification?

The examples you gave here, were not bullying or assault. You mentioned you think you may be on spectrum, and it may be that you misinterpret, and are not intentionally claiming to be a victim. I hope you can make progress with your new therapist to look in to your possible processing issue.

And was what he did funny? No. It was vile and degrading. But IHMO, because he was a rock star in a performance where that kind of stuff is expected and part of the act, and you were just there up close to the stage, I don’t consider it assault.

Yes, I know who all those performers are. I honestly don’t see what happened to me as being comical & normal.

It’s not comical or normal to me. I was obviously targeted & I felt like I was being bullied.

I don’t like it when people make fun of me or when they do something thst is rude & intentionally disrespectful.

I was just trying to figure out why I was targeted. Now I regret even trying to meet them before the show.

Maybe you’re right about what you said. I’m glad to hear that you also didn’t find this situation to be comical. It was vile & degrading.

I don’t understand the people on here who think thst this is funny. I doubt thst they’d think this was funny if this happened to them or someone they care about.

I did tell my husband & a few people about this & they thought he liked me but that he’s rude.

I’m sick of being disrespected & dismissed by most people. I think that I should just stop talking to people & to stay the hell away from people as much as possible from niw on. Most people are no good anyways.

I’ve had it with being mistreated & I’ve had it with everything else too. I give up.