Should I tell my picky friends that I’m upset with them or not?

I once had a girlfriend who was ten years older than me. Then, more recently, in 2016, I became friends with a girlfriend who is 15 years younger than me and it was just perfect. Unfortunately for me, she left the area and relocated to Pennsylvania. We still keep in touch, but it is not the same as seeing each other and visiting each other. But I cherish her friendship.

Maybe you will do better with girlfriends considerably younger than you. And they won't be set in their ways and will be flexible and fun to have around.

Thanks. If this isn’t bad enough, they won’t respect my boundaries when it comes to me not wanting to be in group pics. I tell them no repeatedly & they harass me to death until I say yes.

They did that to me again at my birthday lunch. One lady guilt tripped me with this spiel about memories. She pulled out old pics. I’m mad at myself for caving in once again. I resent them for this.

I did text them afterwards & told them that I felt my boundaries were disrespected & that I can’t be friends with them anymore if they continue to pressure me to be in their pics.

Only the pushiest lady who guilt tripped me said sorry. The other two ignored me. I’m very upset. Obviously thet don’t care about my feelings & they’ll probably try peer pressure & guilt tactics to get their way again. My days with them are probably numbered.

They are selfish & disrespectful. Everything is about what they need & want.

Thanks for understanding things. They are the ones who are being unreasonable & annoying, not me. I did bend over backwards to accommodate them. What is worse is that a wise new aquaintence pointed out something disturbing to me. He thinks that these women are playing sick mind games with me to dee me squirm for their amusement.

He said that they enjoy seeing my reaction as it gives them a sense of power. He was like, they wanted to see how many times I’d csnge the restaurant for them & how far I’d go to accommodate them. He is probably on to something.

They never did this with each other. And two of the women in the group bailed on me during our second get together at the last minute. It’s possibly that they got sicj, but one lady actually conothings that day then bailed right after the first lady canceled m. Weird!

He said they didn’t want to attend my birthday lunch & only went to see me the other day put of guilt. Hopefully that’s not the case.

Anyways, yes, the restaurant was changed three times. .Actually, four times. The third place I chose I changed the location to a nicer place a little further sway. Then one lady didn’t want to go thete as driving half an hour away was to far for her. The funny thing is all of them have driven half an hour to places before with no complaints.

And this lady recently drove to an event an hour away to see a free concert! Wth? Obviously distance isn’t an issue with her.

She couldn’t do this for me one time a year. She lives in the area btw. It was a lame excuse.

So this other lady couldn’t make it on Sunday to go to the new place all of a sudden became available when I switched back to the old place. In the text she said, is that the place on X ave which was telling.

She really hates to drive. She actually pays $75 for a mani instad of $35 to avoid driving further away because she hates driving that much, lol. She said a bad driver.

Weird! On topof that, they harassed me to desth for a pic again! They are onsessed with their stupid group pics! I resent them for that! Tgey have no respect for my boundaries!

I said no many times! They use peer pressure & guilt & they beg me to desth until I say yes. I’m so uoset that I texted them & tild them that I’m upset & to stop disrespecting my boundaries or I’ll stop being friends with them.

Only one lady said sorry. The other teo women ignored me. Rude! I’m afraid that they’ll still harass me for pic’s despite thus warning.

Why would they disrespect my boundaries? My days with them are probably numbered now. I can’t take much more of this crap.

On the positive side, I got a visa gift card for $50 & a Sephora one for $25 & another one for $40. It doesn’t make up for the disrespect & inconsiderate behavior though.

That’s good. Idk. Some younger women might be to immature or to busy with their family for me. I have noticed that older women tend to have more health issues & they tend to be more set in their ways too.

I’ll try to meet women who are around my age next time who don’t have a lot of issues.

I do not want young women to be immature. In fact I learned a lot (in terms of practical knowledge) from my younger girlfriends.

Being busy with their family life: yes.

You’re lucky then. I’m not.

Why would they be immature? Unless you befriend 16-year olds, grown women wouldn’t be immature just because they are younger. My daughter is in mid 30s. Not immature.

As about busy with families. Many women don’t have children or welcome an opportunity of taking time off family and going out. Also some older women are even more busy. A friend of mine has 5 grandkids, she’s in her 60s but is busier than anyone because she has something going on every weekend. Even exponentially speaking, one might have 2 kids but 6 grandkids and if they all live close by, forget it. You’ll be busy.

Generally speaking younger women might have more desire to drive further snd in the dark and party more and possibly do more adventurous things (unless they have toddlers at home).

You also might want to look for single women. It doesn’t mean they are free 24/7 as they likely work snd have obligations and hobbies etc but they still might have a bit more free time. You want to see friends more often. So that’s might be the answer

Single women & I often don’t get along as they’re often not happy that they’re single. And for some reason I tebd to attract women who’ll ditch me for a guy every time.

They’d rather wait around for a guy to contact them than make definite plans with me.

They obviously don’t value friendships.

Well you want friends who’ll see you very often and it seems like most adult women have other obligations and cannot dedicate that much time to you. You also want the ones with no health concerns or financial or family obligations. So I am trying to figure out what type of women would fit your expectations. I thought younger and single. You don’t want those either. They just don’t seem to exist.

Don’t know where you find these women. Coincidentally majority of my friends are single. Widowed, divorced or never married. No they don’t ditch me for random men and not everyone is even dating. Yes I’ve met some ridiculous women who choose men every time. But they were a few. Not massive number.

It sounds like women you want just don’t exist.

Not single but also not in a good marriage because they might want to spend time with their husbands and not see you as often. No kids or at least no kids who require any of their time. Extremely flexible time wise- so either don’t work or work very little. Not frugal so must be either wealthy or financially irresponsible. Not young but also not old. Zero health concerns, so nothing prevents them from doing things you want. Adventurous but shouldn’t be young. Like to sleep late and go out late.

Who are these women? Just not a realistic expectation.

They don’t have to be like that exactly. I just don’t want friends who are rigid, stubborn, set in their ways, fkaky, self absorbed, will ditch me for a guy, always to sick to go out, always broke, homebody type.

I don’t like extremes. Someone who is flexible without avlot of baggage is someone I can work with. I can live with someone who is willing to go out in the afternoons. They don’t need to be rich or always available every week. lol. I don’t think things would work out with someone who is only available to go out once a year.

I don’t think it’s fair to judge people for being broke or sick. It can’t really be a requirement in friends especially if you are about to lose your house and don’t work. And you have a long list of illnesses. Not fair to judge people that harshly especially if you yourself struggle with the same things. But other stuff I agree about. If you don’t want them as friends, it’s ok to end it

I’m not trying to be mean or judgemental, but I actually have been friends with people who are broke &
and or sick & trust me, hearing about their health issues & money all the time is draining. I tried to bevsupportive, but it’s exhausting! And I dislike being asked for rides & not even offered gas money too. Broke people tend to be users.

I had it with the women who ONLY talked about their health issues In detail. They could’ve easily talked about other things, but they CHOSE to focus on THEMSELVES only.

Do you now understand why I can’t stand to be around sick people? They are all about me, me, me & so negative. I resent being used as a free therapist!

As for the broke ones, do you recall that loser mooch who used my friend & I? Disgusting! Other broke friends pressured me into buying their MLM cheap crap. No thanks! Other women were jealous of me who weren’t as well off.

I think that was a bad experience Jesyka but I hope you won’t judge others harshly who don’t have a good income because you might miss out on some fantastic people.

One of my colleagues doesn’t have much money, she works part time to top up benefits, but she is amazingly resourceful in how she manages her money, she doesn’t mooch at all, there’s many people like her. People might not have money to go out but you can have coffee at each other’s houses, go for walks etc, all sorts of lovely fun low cost options.

There are many things people can do that don’t involve spending money-if they are true friends and value each other, but can’t afford things. Free events, free fairs and concerts in the summer, walk in the park, sit outside, visit each other etc

You seem to equate friendships with going out to eat or attend events that cost money. It’s all good but it’s not requirement for friendships. It’s more like a requirement for activity partners. Like specific “restaurant going group”. Your understanding of actual friendships is a bit different than most

Also something just doesn’t add up. You owe IRS money, have no savings for old age, can’t pay mortgage and could potentially end up homeless. Yet you are saying people are jealous of you because you are more well off. It makes no sense. Why would they be jealous? Just because you continue spending money you can’t afford to spend, doesn’t make you “less broke”.

As about sickness you said you are so very sick that you cannot work. So you are a very ill person. How can you judge people for being sick, it seems strange to me. Anyone can get sick at any time. Would you dump them as friends, even though you yourself very unwell?

I understand that. I’m actually meeting a new aquaintence today for frozen food yogurt. This will be the third time meeting her.

She can’t afford much, but that’s OK.

I have went out for walks with friends & went to their homes to hang out. You’re wrong about your assumptions. I do enjoy going out though.

I don’t expect to go to fancy places. I’m meeting a new aquaintence fir the 3rd time today for frozen yogurt as that’s all that she can afford for now.

I’m fine with that. What I was trying to say is that I can’t stand these sick people because all they literally do is whine about their health issues.

They could talk about other things, but they deliberately choose NOT to! They are so selfish & annoying. They all want a free therapist it seens like, NOT a friend.

I blocked & deleted women like that after meetung them. I have no interest in being used as a free therapist. They didn’t even bother to ask me a single question about myself

Rude! I don’t need friends that badly, lol! I’m empathetic, but not stupid.

I have my own isdues, but I’m not so sick that I can’t go out & have fun. It sounds like you think that I shoukd always stay home & not soend a single penny.

I need to get out or I’ll go crazy from stress & depression . I normally don’t go out more than twice a month. I don’t think that’s excessive.

I have mentioned going to inexpensive places too most of the time like matinees. I don’t understand why you think I should never go out or never soend any money ever. We obviously have issues, but spending less than $10 at the movies isn’t going to make a huge difference with getting us out of debt or more into debt.

What am I supposed to do, sit & home & be miserable? Also, should I just accept anyone into my life? It sounds like you think I should accept anyone who’ll give me the time of day which I don’t agree with at all.

I never said you should just sit home or don’t spend money. I am saying you really shouldn’t judge people who are broke or sick. And this is mental health forum yet you verbatim said you can’t stand sick people. Many on here have mental or physical illness. If you can’t stand sick people, this isn’t the right forum plus you can get sick any time. That’s mostly not in our control.

And this just isn’t fair. You said you are too sick to work yet don’t think people are allowed to be too sick to go out.

I never said you should accept everyone. In fact I encourage you to cut ties with people you actively dislike. I just don’t think you should judge people for financial and health problems. No you don’t need to be friends with people you dislike

Sorry for the misunderstanding. What I meant is that I can’t stand sick people who are selfish. I gave clear examples of that. I’m empathetic & understanding l. I’m not against sick people.

A good friend of mine has an autoimmune disorder on top of having issues with depression & anxiety. And two new aquaintences of mine have health issues too. One has depression & anxiety issues too. The other one has a few different issues.

She’s using a cane now too. Another lady has a slight handicap with her hands. She also has a fear of heights too. So obviously I am fine with being friends with sick & disabled people l. Just not the whiny self centered ones.

Again, I only can’t stand the ones who only talk about their health issues. I seem to attract those types for some reason.

Most people I know are also broke too. I just don’t like the mooches or the cheap penny pincher types. Yesterday this new aquaintence who doesn’t have a lot of money treated me to lunch which was nice.

It was a fast food meal & she insisted on paying even though I said ithat I’ll pay for my own stuff. She kept insisting, so I let her pay for things. Perhaps my luck is changing. Hopefully it’ll change.

I don’t want to be used as a free therapist. Especially when those people never ask me how I’m doing. Everything is all about their illness. They don’t bothrr talking about anything light ever & it’s extremely annoying & selfish.