Home Menu

Menu



advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
JH8854
Junior Member
 
Member Since Jul 2020
Location: Berkeley, CA
Posts: 12
4
Default Aug 25, 2023 at 10:57 PM
  #1
I don't know if any of you have been rejected romantically but if so, how did you deal with it? Did you take it personally?

There is a line of thought that being rejected by someone, or a lot of people means you are not good enough and have things to work on about yourself. You are not worthy essentially. I tend to agree that if someone is rejected the fault is usually on them, but rejection still feels very painful.

I recently went on two dates with an intelligent, attractive woman. I was able to make her laugh consistently, flirt, and I tried to talk comfortably to her. She told me after the first date that I'm not shy and she likes talking to me. After the second date though, she told me she wants to just be friends as there isn't any chemistry. I thought we had a connection, but she didn't seem to agree.

I really liked her; she is intelligent, confident, and thoughtful. She had a silly side to her. She is good looking to me and dresses well. Should I have accepted her offer for friendship instead of saying I'm not interested?

Is there anything wrong with being rejected, being single? Is it a marker on your worth? I mean if people don't want you, it is your fault. You have a problem.

How do you deal with being rejected by someone you really like? And should you take it personally?
JH8854 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
AzulOscuro, poshgirl, Violetta75

advertisement
Tart Cherry Jam
Magnate
 
Member Since Mar 2021
Location: California
Posts: 2,811 (SuperPoster!)
3
1,261 hugs
given
Default Aug 25, 2023 at 11:40 PM
  #2
You have one datapoint though. Why are you talking about "people" who "don't want" you?
Tart Cherry Jam is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Open Eyes
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Open Eyes's Avatar
 
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 23,251 (SuperPoster!)
13
21.5k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Aug 26, 2023 at 12:32 AM
  #3
When someone tells you there is no chemistry, it doesn’t mean you are a failure or are unworthy.

The answer to your question is don’t take it personally.
Open Eyes is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
AzulOscuro, Molinit
eskielover
Legendary Wise Elder
 
eskielover's Avatar
 
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: Kentucky, USA
Posts: 24,930 (SuperPoster!)
20
14.9k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Aug 26, 2023 at 01:03 AM
  #4
First off chemistry can grow out of a friendship. If a relationship can't be a fridndship it will never be anything more.

Personally, "rejection" never did bother me because if I was TRULY HONEST with myself I always realized I agreed & it wasn't personal it was a real non-connection.
Wishful thinking relationships never work. You have things you expect in the other person in a relationship. If on a date & the other person doesn't fit what you are looking at, should she take that as a personal rejection or just that there isn't a match to the things YOU are looking for in a relationship.

Personally after a 33 year bad marriage I love my alone life & have no interest in ever dating or getting involved in any relationship ever again.

I hope you find a match....I learned after a bad marriage that it is better to know exactly what you want up front in a person & if any red flags are sensed....pay attention & don't go there. It is not rejection, it is wisdom that saves a lot of issues down the road

__________________


Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this.
Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018
eskielover is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
ArmorPlate108, Discombobulated, Molinit
lovethesun
Member
 
lovethesun's Avatar
 
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: United States
Posts: 341
9
58 hugs
given
Default Aug 26, 2023 at 02:09 PM
  #5
Maybe she’s just not the right fit for you. I’ve always felt that things kind of have a way of working themselves out. You may have found out eventually that you weren’t as compatible with her as you first thought. I don’t think you should take it personally. The issue may have been hers not yours. Just keep putting yourself out there and meeting new people
lovethesun is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Violetta75
Member
 
Violetta75's Avatar
 
Member Since Apr 2022
Location: Earth
Posts: 239
2
221 hugs
given
Default Aug 26, 2023 at 10:39 PM
  #6
No if someone doesn't want you it's not your fault. It doesn't mean there's something inherently wrong with you. I had mentioned to my landlord (male) I'm female, that I give up and all I want is someone who can accept my faults. He put it in a better light. It's not about my faults, more about focusing on what I want and figure that out before trying to find someone. Then compromise is very important in a relationship. I don't think you did the wrong thing because you clearly wanted more than friendship.
Violetta75 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
poshgirl
Tart Cherry Jam
Magnate
 
Member Since Mar 2021
Location: California
Posts: 2,811 (SuperPoster!)
3
1,261 hugs
given
Default Aug 28, 2023 at 10:36 PM
  #7
I have not been rejected romantically, but I have had instances when I was rejected by employers. Not a lot but has happened to me. Mostly it was a reflection of my mental state: say, I did an interview when depressed and as a result did not make a good impression. I have a great job now so these rejections just taught me that it is important to be in top shape for interviews, which was an important lesson to learn. And in no way were they a reflection of a negative self worth on my end.
Tart Cherry Jam is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Reply



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Taking Everything Personally? 88Butterfly88 Borderline Personality Disorder 11 Aug 19, 2016 07:46 AM
Don't take it personally... Anonymous200250 General Q&A 9 Nov 18, 2015 08:04 PM
What do you personally do to help your depression? Runs with the eagle Depression 4 Nov 09, 2015 04:47 PM
Cannot handle rejection whatsoever ForeverLonelyGirl Coping with Emotions 5 Dec 17, 2014 07:44 PM
Borderline Personality Disorder is too much handle personally Phoenixx New Member Introductions 3 Dec 21, 2011 11:41 PM


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:44 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.