Scared to Say Anything at Work Now

I am so sorry to keep talking about this, but I'm starting to get really anxious (and sad) about my ongoing work drama.

If you've been keeping up... I'm the weirdo that doesn't want to bond with my co-workers and I stick out like a sore thumb.

So, sadly someone that used to be on the team before I joined passed away. I didn't know him, but expressed my condolences on the (pointless) group call. However, last night from about 9:30 - 10:30 PM there was this group text (on our personal phones) going back and forth about it.

I only (reluctantly) shared my mobile phone number with my manager and the other two members of my immediate team, so I deeply resent being added to this group without my permission even more than getting texts from work people while I'm in bed (I go to bed a 9).

I have what I think is a tactful text to my manager asking if I can be removed from the group text and asking that my personal phone number only be used for emergencies, but I'm afraid to click SEND.

That's going to make me look like a total ***** since no one else seems to be bothered.

I'm starting to question everything I do and wondering why I just can't be friendly and normal like everyone else. I hate that I don't connect and really try to adapt. This really bothers me....

Can't you just mute the chat at 9pm?

My first thought was also to mute the chat, is this possible?

Honestly group chats are a common source of annoyance for many people, what you’re experiencing is certainly not unusual so don’t beat yourself up for muting the chat. You aren’t paid outside of work hours I’m guessing? So it’s not reasonable for you to be expected read this stuff in out of work hours imo.

You can still be perfectly pleasant when you’re on paid time.

Just because chats are going on, doesn’t mean you must read or reply. Turn off the sound and go about your life. I sympathize with your situation but you seem to take it all too seriously. Like text comes in at 9pm. It doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to sleep at 9. I am friendly but it doesn’t mean I engage at every chat or any chat at late hours. We are allowed to do other things.

Remember, the drama is yours since no one else is bothered by it. I turn off notification sound on group texts & read them when I get around to it. Wouldn't do it if it were a REAL work related group text but social ones can be annoying with a notification sounding when anyone in the group sends a text.

You don't have to tell anyone you shut off group text notification....that is your own personal choice. I will say you are making yourself miserable complaining about every aspect of this company you are hired by. When you go back to freelance you will have a lot more say in how you interface with the company....right now, they are pretty much calling the shots & you WORK FOR THEM. Do what you know is right for you with the social chats outside work hours you don't have to be involved with. If they ask....just say I was sleeping.

If you just silently do what works for you when you can, YOU WON'T BE THE ONE POINTING OUT that you stick out like a sore thumb & you can address it if/when any conversation comes up about it. Your drama is internal....you don't have to make "your issues" company issues since they were doing fine before you were hired. Bide your time until the freelance work starts coming in

I think it might appear that everyone is consumed with these social activities but in reality even the most social of people go out in their free time with their significant others and have families and hobbies and maybe just veg on a couch watching tv or clean their houses or sleep. Even the most extroverted people don’t devote all their time to “work social culture”. Just do what works for you and ignore the rest. I am sure that’s what everyone does.

I wish that was true, but this afternoon, my manager asked why I didn't respond to the texts. I said I was sleeping when they first came in (which isn't completely untrue) and that I didn't know the young man who passed away so I wasn't comfortable responding.

I'm guessing the underlying issue is that I don't want to be FORCED to do something I don't want to do / see value in. While I understand I have to make concessions when I'm being paid to do something, participating in optional meetings or communications on my personal phone after work time don't fit into that equation. This place just isn't a fit.

Wow, getting questioned on why you didn't say anything about someone you don't know. This is too much, it's worse than my canoeing trip (I hope that made you laugh).

My suggestion was going to be join and mute but apparently that's not going to work. I don't get why this manager is so confrontational about these things. You may have to superficially participate to survive here until you have a Plan B.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ZenZeta I wish that was true, but this afternoon, my manager asked why I didn't respond to the texts. I said I was sleeping when they first came in (which isn't completely untrue) and that I didn't know the young man who passed away so I wasn't comfortable responding. I'm guessing the underlying issue is that I don't want to be FORCED to do something I don't want to do / see value in. While I understand I have to make concessions when I'm being paid to do something, participating in optional meetings or communications on my personal phone after work time don't fit into that equation. This place just isn't a fit.

Manager asked you a question & you responded appropritely. Did she push the issue after your response? If not then she accepted your response because she seems like the kind of person that would have pushed the issue if she didn't like your response.

The manager might (or might not) be the source of questions: There might be an emotional grieving member in the group who is questioning the manager on why not everyone is participating.

My view is that the thread topic is entirely different: The thread topic is on why ZenZeta does not enjoy the side effects of being more introverted than their work peers as evidenced by stating, "I hate that I don't connect..."

Everyone expends energy doing things that are emotionally draining, and everyone needs to somehow emotionally recharge. Introverts enjoy examining their own thoughts and feelings. It is hard to examine anything when there is distractions going on, which is why introverts find time to emotionally recharge in isolation. Extroverts enjoy examining what is going on around them. It is hard to examine stuff going on if there is nobody around, and so extraverts are unable to emotionally recharge in isolation. Reality is not as black & white as this description suggests but it provides a starting point to understanding why some people do what they do.

It sounds to me as though someone in the peer the group is an extrovert who needs to emotionally recharge by examining others. They cannot examine people who are not participating, which may be causing them to stress out particularly if they were accustomed to examining the person who is now deceased. We can guess at what that person wants.

"I hate that I don't connect..." is interesting because it raises questions about what ZenZeta wants. My view is that we currently have insufficient information to look into this. If we assume there is no happiness in guilt then I need to ask: Does ZenZara feel guilt for not being able to help the extroverts?