advertisement
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Have Hope
Wise Elder
 
Have Hope's Avatar
Have Hope has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 8,728 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
3,527 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Old Sep 18, 2023 at 05:44 AM
  #1
 
I was divorced in March, separated almost a year ago in Oct. It's been nearly a year of being single again.

I dated a guy casually for 2 months around the time of my divorce. That ended because I started to develop feelings and wanted more closeness, but he kept me at arms length, so we cut loose.

I am out having a good time on my own, meeting and making new friends, males and females. I love live music the most, so that is what I do in my free time. I go to shows alone, meet people or see acquaintances I know, and I typically have a great time.

I've met two men over recent months and I've been hanging out with each of them periodically. I am not dating either one of them, but I am feeling it out with them and am getting to know them to see if I DO want to date.

Guy #1 keeps me at a distance - just like my former lover. We have fun together, but in between times that we see each other, he doesn't communicate with me at all. We've had some hot and heavy make out sessions each time we've seen each other and there's an unmistakable attraction between us. He is having a social gathering early Oct and he got us a hotel room for the night. You can read into what that likely means.... I am gathering that this man, like my former lover, doesn't want a relationship but something more casual. I agreed to spend the night with him, but now I am wondering if I shouldn't.

And that's because of guy #2. I just returned from a weekend of camping at a music festival with guy #2, who invited me to go with he and his best girlfriends. We had SO much fun!!!! It was an amazing festival and an amazing experience. I met three incredible women who were SO welcoming of me, with open arms and lots of heartfelt love in the air. Wonderful people! And guy #2 and I hung out all weekend, and we kissed at different times throughout the night. We slept side-by-side in a tent together, but did not have sex. We agreed not to do that, but we did snuggle. It was the nicest evening I have spent with a man in a long, long time. It felt good to lay my head on his chest, and I felt safe and comfortable. He was also very complimentary of me all weekend, he treated me to everything, and told me that he's going to spoil me.

I did tell guy #2 this weekend that I am hanging out with another man, very casually. I wanted to be honest and upfront, so I informed him. He interprets that as meaning he has competition.

Guy #2 talks to me everyday on messenger. We say good morning and good night to each other every day practically, with heart emojis and what not. I like that he is communicative versus guy #1 who is not at all communicative. He runs his own home building business and is very successful. He has his own home and a 13-year old son who lives with him during the week days. I like him... the more time I spend with him, the more appealing he is to me. But I want to get to know his character, see how he treats me and learn whether he is trustworthy. For me, trust is earned now and not immediately granted blindly. I told him this.

There are some rumors and negative gossip running around about guy #2, spread only by one person who's got some major issues. He told me it's not true and it has to do with another woman. This woman offered to talk to me directly about him and about this negative gossip, which she herself denies is true. So I believe him and not the person who is spreading the rumor.

I feel cautious and wary, while I am also having fun. This go around, I want to be far pickier about whom I choose to actually date.

In the meantime, I am having a TON of fun doing what I am doing, being free and being able to pick and choose amongst the suitors out there.

Guy #2 wants to visit me next weekend, and I think I may allow it. He wants to go kayaking, which I would love to do with him.

So I am playing the field a bit and it feels empowering. I've never really done that.... it's the most freeing feeling in the world!

And I don't see anything wrong with telling guy #2 that there is another guy in the picture (a little bit). I think it's best to not let men believe we are so easy to get or easy to catch. I am not doing it on purpose, but I do know one thing: men like and prefer the hard to get women. Not the easy ones who immediately jump into bed.

So there it is.... I am enjoying my newly single life again, after coming out of a very dark place that I was stuck in for many years with my ex husband.

This thread is for talking about these experiences, as I move forward being single and free again.

Any supportive comments are welcomed.

__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination"

~4 Non Blondes

Last edited by Have Hope; Sep 18, 2023 at 06:04 AM..
Have Hope is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote

advertisement
Tart Cherry Jam
Grand Member
Tart Cherry Jam has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2021
Location: California
Posts: 876
2 yr Member
297 hugs
given
Old Sep 18, 2023 at 06:01 PM
  #2
 
Nothing wrong with letting one gentleman know that there is competition.

__________________
Bipolar I w/psychotic features, well managed
Tart Cherry Jam is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Have Hope
 
Thanks for this!
Have Hope
Have Hope
Wise Elder
 
Have Hope's Avatar
Have Hope has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 8,728 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
3,527 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Old Sep 18, 2023 at 06:07 PM
  #3
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tart Cherry Jam View Post
Nothing wrong with letting one gentleman know that there is competition.
I think so too!!

__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination"

~4 Non Blondes
Have Hope is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Tart Cherry Jam
 
Thanks for this!
Tart Cherry Jam
Tart Cherry Jam
Grand Member
Tart Cherry Jam has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2021
Location: California
Posts: 876
2 yr Member
297 hugs
given
Old Sep 18, 2023 at 09:30 PM
  #4
 
I just want to offer that there could be different explanations behind the different communication patterns between you and said gentlemen. It could be that the one who communicates all the time with emojis and what not is doing that because he is that much more interested in a relationship with you. But he also could simply be a much more communicative person. In other words, the differences that you observe might be due to different individual communication styles and not to differing degrees of interest in you. There is not enough information now to say for sure and it can also be a combo of two factors.

__________________
Bipolar I w/psychotic features, well managed
Tart Cherry Jam is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Have Hope
Wise Elder
 
Have Hope's Avatar
Have Hope has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 8,728 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
3,527 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Old Sep 19, 2023 at 04:22 AM
  #5
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tart Cherry Jam View Post
I just want to offer that there could be different explanations behind the different communication patterns between you and said gentlemen. It could be that the one who communicates all the time with emojis and what not is doing that because he is that much more interested in a relationship with you. But he also could simply be a much more communicative person. In other words, the differences that you observe might be due to different individual communication styles and not to differing degrees of interest in you. There is not enough information now to say for sure and it can also be a combo of two factors.
Yes, for sure, it could be a combo of factors. One factor is likely that his nephew was recently murdered. He was close with his nephew. So, I am guessing that now is not the right time for him to date or get serious with someone. Another guess is that it's the way he is right now and he wants it casual. Funny thing is, he keeps inviting me to places with him... he first invited me to go camping for four days, then to a private party, then a baseball game, then another private party, and now his own social gathering for his nephew. I don't see him positing pics of any other female, but he posted a pic of us together at the baseball game.

__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination"

~4 Non Blondes
Have Hope is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Tart Cherry Jam
Have Hope
Wise Elder
 
Have Hope's Avatar
Have Hope has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 8,728 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
3,527 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Old Sep 19, 2023 at 04:31 AM
  #6
 
Which brings up a bit of a snag in my current situation.

So, I went camping with guy #2 this weekend and we had a blast. We went with three of his best girlfriends. I posted pics on facebook of us: just one photo of he and I together, and then the rest were of all of us together. Guy #1 and guy #2 know who each other are and are also "friends" on facebook. So guy #1 saw my photos posted on facebook of this last weekend. You cannot tell from the photos that guy #2 and I were together at all - not really. It could easily be interpreted as friends.

But what happens when I go to guy #1's social gathering in a few weeks for his nephew? I don't want him taking any selfies of us and posting them, like he did at the baseball game.

I didn't realize this until I found out that they both know each other and are friends on facebook. Argh. So much for "playing the field".

What do I do in this case? Should I also tell guy #1 that I am also hanging out with guy #2? I told guy #2 about guy #1,. to be fair to him. So, now should I do the same with the other gentleman? Sorry if that's confusing between the two men.

__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination"

~4 Non Blondes
Have Hope is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Tart Cherry Jam
Grand Member
Tart Cherry Jam has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2021
Location: California
Posts: 876
2 yr Member
297 hugs
given
Old Sep 19, 2023 at 12:01 PM
  #7
 
Ideally tell both about the other. If that is not possible, we can discuss other options.

__________________
Bipolar I w/psychotic features, well managed
Tart Cherry Jam is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Have Hope
 
Thanks for this!
Have Hope
Have Hope
Wise Elder
 
Have Hope's Avatar
Have Hope has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 8,728 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
3,527 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Old Sep 19, 2023 at 04:45 PM
  #8
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tart Cherry Jam View Post
Ideally tell both about the other. If that is not possible, we can discuss other options.
Yeah, I am not sure yet what to do or how to handle it! I totally didn't realize when this all started happening that they knew each other and were friends on Facebook.

__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination"

~4 Non Blondes
Have Hope is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Have Hope
Wise Elder
 
Have Hope's Avatar
Have Hope has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 8,728 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
3,527 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Old Sep 19, 2023 at 09:46 PM
  #9
 
I told guy #1 about guy #2! So now they each know about each other. I like guy #2 better.

__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination"

~4 Non Blondes
Have Hope is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Tart Cherry Jam
Grand Member
Tart Cherry Jam has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2021
Location: California
Posts: 876
2 yr Member
297 hugs
given
Old Sep 19, 2023 at 10:05 PM
  #10
 
Great! And it sounds like you are getting clearer on your druthers.

__________________
Bipolar I w/psychotic features, well managed
Tart Cherry Jam is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Have Hope
 
Thanks for this!
Have Hope
Have Hope
Wise Elder
 
Have Hope's Avatar
Have Hope has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 8,728 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
3,527 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Old Sep 20, 2023 at 04:25 AM
  #11
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tart Cherry Jam View Post
Great! And it sounds like you are getting clearer on your druthers.
I think I am!

I told guy #1 that he doesn't communicate with me in between seeing each other, that I would want more than that, and that I don't know what he's looking for. He said he wants more too, but that we live far apart, which we do. We live like two hours away from each other, so seeing each other frequently is not an option. Plus, he is super busy in his life. He's out six nights a week photographing and videotaping live musicians. I cannot keep up with that kind of lifestyle. And when would we actually see each other? It's been infrequent and periodic.

Guy #2 messages me every day. We talk. We're getting to know each other. You have to get to know someone to date them. I feel like guy #2 and I are far closer to actually dating than me and guy #1.

Guy #1 is like more for hookups and sex.

Which brings me to the question now: do I back out of guy #1's benefit party for his nephew in two weeks, when we are supposed to sleep together in a hotel that night?

One thing I CANNOT do is have sexual relations (sex) with two people at the same time.

AND, I am spending the next two weekends with guy #2, on overnights together. We likely will end up having sex on one of those weekends, which is right before I am supposed to go to the hotel overnight with guy #1. Oh boy. Did this get messy fast!!!

At least I told them both about each other... I feel good about that.

__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination"

~4 Non Blondes

Last edited by Have Hope; Sep 20, 2023 at 05:00 AM..
Have Hope is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Tart Cherry Jam
Grand Member
Tart Cherry Jam has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2021
Location: California
Posts: 876
2 yr Member
297 hugs
given
Old Sep 20, 2023 at 10:34 AM
  #12
 
You feel rather strongly about not being able to have srx with two almost concurrently: you used CAPS.

__________________
Bipolar I w/psychotic features, well managed
Tart Cherry Jam is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Have Hope
Wise Elder
 
Have Hope's Avatar
Have Hope has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 8,728 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
3,527 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Old Sep 20, 2023 at 11:17 AM
  #13
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tart Cherry Jam View Post
You feel rather strongly about not being able to have srx with two almost concurrently: you used CAPS.
Lol. I wish there was a laugh reaction button on here. Yes I do feel rather strongly about it!! I donít sleep with more than one at a time typically. Iím also protective of my body.

__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination"

~4 Non Blondes
Have Hope is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Tart Cherry Jam
Have Hope
Wise Elder
 
Have Hope's Avatar
Have Hope has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 8,728 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
3,527 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Old Sep 21, 2023 at 05:35 AM
  #14
 
Well, I did it. Things ended with guy #1 and I am not staying in a hotel with him in a couple of weeks. I learned he's already paid for the hotel though... ugh! So, he has a room and spent $200 on it for us. I felt bad telling him last night that I couldn't go. At the end of the night, I asked him if I could kiss him goodbye, and he said no. This is after telling him that something happened last weekend with guy #2 while camping.

What is wrong with me?

I told him that if we lived closer, I would want to date him. I also told him that I feel we have some sort of unspoken, deeper connection, whenever I look at him in the eyes. We DO have a connection of sorts, I can feel it. It's intense. And our attraction to each other is unmistakable.

However, I feel lighter this morning and more free, so I know it was the right thing to do.

I told guy #2 that I was going to stop pursuing things with guy #1. HIs response was that he no longer has competition. Yesterday he told me he is crushing hard on me. I feel the same way, but there's still so much to get to know about each other.

What a messy situation, but I think I've handled it as best as I could. I was open and honest with both men and cut one loose as soon as things started heating up with one guy more than the other.

I think I also have some feelings developing or stirring for guy #2. There's chemistry between us. He told me he is very attached to me.... I feel I am becoming attached to him. I do like him.

That being said, I had wanted one more kiss with guy #1, just to say goodbye. That couldn't happen and I respect that. I still wanted it.

__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination"

~4 Non Blondes
Have Hope is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Tart Cherry Jam
 
Thanks for this!
Tart Cherry Jam
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Dating a man family disapproves of... Stop dating or continue? Silent_Efforts General Social Chat 6 Jun 21, 2019 08:15 AM
Major dating paranoia, dating purgatory eclairparty98 Relationships & Communication 8 Feb 04, 2018 11:11 PM
Back in the Dating Game !!! Dating tips please Jenn1fer82 Relationships & Communication 5 May 18, 2006 01:06 AM


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:16 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2023, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent community, overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.