And So It Continues...

Yes, it's that subject again, my mother!

3 weeks ago, she started on at me again, usual subject, the way people are treating her. Angst all directed at me so I picked up my things and said I was going. For someone who cannot walk very well, she got to the front door very quickly and stood there shouting "you get back here, I'm talking to you". I got in car and drove off.

Today, I've just come off the phone to her. For 35 of 45 minutes I've listened to how she feels I'm treating her. For someone who hates liars, she's told a few today. She also admitted that she was not going to phone me, so my brother has been sorting out things.

I haven't been well since the latest episode. Heart rate, blood pressure all over the place. Coughing, feeling sick, shivering and just want to sleep... It's not Covid!

We've gone back over the same old ground. She can't understand why I'm treating her this way. She thinks it's something new. Had to remind her that it's happening about every 6-8 weeks, when someone's done her wrong. Of course, she's had to bring up how much my brother and sister-in-law are doing for her.. Especially as there's sister-in-law's mother and stepmother to care for too!

She kept going back over the subject and when I said I wasn't able to get a word in, she accused me of being rude and adopting a snappy attitude with her. Also alluded to fact that other people have told her she's not looking after herself but has admitted that she's to blame for dwelling on the situation with me and other people. So I'm to blame for her current physical and mental state....

Am supposed to be going over to my brother's on Saturday as it's my sister-in-law's birthday on Friday, but I just don't want to go. If I don't then my brother will have to fetch mother.

Sorry, it's same old topic again but at moment I can't see a way out of this. And she's now started mirroring what I've said about not being able to take any more....

I'm really sorry that you are dealing with all of that.

Sorry to say that your mother is not going to change her pattern of behaviors.

Yes, what Open Eyes says is so true. I'd say if you don't want to go on Saturday, don't. It sounds like you need a break for your own physical and mental health. If she doesn't like it, it's not your problem.

This probably isn't the warmest advice but I'd cut ties with her. I get it. She's your mother. Still though, that isn't a blank check for her to be so nasty to you so often. You'll know what to do and when to do it and I hope it works out.

My sister and sister-in-law pulled a few doozies in their day. I have decided to write them out of my life and I have zero regrets. Life is too short to deal with mean and nasty people, even if they are "family".

I don't have advice, I just want to wish you well. What a horrible situation. You have to say summer birthdays but if she doesn't respect them then it only leaves cutting contact. Hope you're okay.

I hate when they only want you for transportation. Do i LOOK like a taxicab?! If she is (relatively) nice to your brother, then HE can drive her around.

Yeah this is personal for me! Been there, stopped doing that.

I wore a Holter monitor one weekend. The only time it showed a bad result was Sunday dinner with the family, and i did aerobics and lotsa other stuff with no problem. When it came down to me or her, i chose me. She has / had other people to call on. I didnt, because i was always kowtowing to her.

Thanks everyone, for your sound comments and advice.

There's been an interesting development. My brother phoned me yesterday on his way home from work. It appears he's been on receiving end of mother's attitude twice this week. Both times, he said he raised his voice. All over fact that we made arrangements without consulting her about next dental appointment. I'm away on holiday so can't take her. Brother quite happy to step in, arranges work schedule around it. Apparently, he's also told her a few "home truths" too.

Will be interesting to hear her take on this. I've decided to go on Saturday, partly because of what my brother has said and also to see if mother "takes over" again. Still don't feel 100% but a psychological improvement after yesterday's chat.

Family life is never smooth, but this has been a constant in my life for as long as I can remember. My brother agreed when I said it's not just since she's got old.

Tomorrow will be interesting!

Just getting round to catching up....

The Saturday dinner was a nightmare! Not my mother this time, but my sister-in-law's. She also has health problems but shouts due to many years working in a factory.

Of course, my mother wasn't the centre of attention and displayed her displeasure. Came to conclusion that she is definitely a narcissist. Apparently my aunt was also finishing her sentences for her, one of the red flags in their relationship.

Yesterday almost descended into the usual disagreement where my aunt is concerned. My mother is obsessed with telling people she doesn't expect them to take sides. So, stop provoking these disagreements, jut as your own mother did.

Christmas is now appearing on the agenda. My aunt wants us to go to her on Boxing Day. The pub across road is only doing a limited fixed price menu, which would be a complete waste of money for my mother. "Picky food" seems best idea. Also, my aunt has suggested trip out to a garden centre before Christmas. We're sorting this out after my holiday in 2 weeks.

Yet again, my mother is behaving just like hers did over invitations out. When I suggested she talk to my aunt about the above, I was greeted with "I'm not bringing it up with her". What an attitude for an adult!

Back to my holiday. A spontaneous decision few weeks ago. With 2 weeks to go, I'm anticipating more angst. When other family members go on holiday, I get their flight numbers to see on a flight tracker. Have given her mine and already got comment "how can I do that". In other words, I'm not happy you're going on holiday so I'm not going to be interested. Normal behaviour!!