Social worker ignores what I tell her

I´ve met with a social worker within an employment program (I live in Sweden) for several months. There are programs for people who are unemployed and at the same time on sick leave, that is the participants can have physical or mental health issues.

They all know this when admitting people to the unemployment program and now after some months together with this social worker/coach our contact has just ended up badly.

I liked her at first, she´s kind but she either ignores or doesn´t have the knowledge in how to meet me in what I tell her about how I feel, what´s important to me, how my mental health affects what work I can do and so on.

I´ve sent her several e-mails describing what I look for, that she sees my perspective in things and that she pays attention to how I feel and expericence things that happen in our contact.

But she mostly replies to other things, she presents her perspective and she constantly misses out on how I express that I experience things. I´ve said that straight out to her, in writing; that she doesn´t pay attention to my perspective.

But still nothing. She´s always kind and says she´s sorry that things have turned out this way but she doesn´t change anything. There are several e-mails where she answers to everything else instead of noticing and responding to what I tell her.

As an example I would want her to answer something like this "I read you feel a lack of trust when I told you someone else will also be part of your case in the future", "what can I do to help you with that?" or something like that.

But she just ignores things like this, although it´s rather simple to respond to.

I´ve tried several things, I told her I could take "blame" and end this employment program but she didn´t want that. I´ve now told her, in a new e-mail, that I could stop telling her how I feel and that I could stop telling her more personal things as that don´t work in my contact with her.

I can´t change social worker or coach so this post isn´t about that.

Not being in Sweden, I don't know anything about this program. The purpose is to get you employed, right?

Do you think you will be able to maintain employment?

What jobs are you telling her you need or what accommodations do you need in order to be employed?

Maybe it's different there, but my experience has been that employers really don't care about your perspective on much. You are a cog in a wheel, you fit or you don't and if they can help you fit without too much fuss that's okay but if you have a long list of specific things you need to be functional in a job, employers usually will not want to get involved.

Have you held a job before and what worked or did not work in your prior experience?

Thanks.

I agree the purpose is to get an employment but to get me there my social worker needs to understand me and build a good relationship with me.

I agree most employers think the way you describe but this program I'm in is aimed at people who can't just take a job but who needs more help to search for and to get a job.

My post isn't about jobs or employers but how my social worker meets with me and how that affects me.

As a part of my job description I work with social workers and various other case workers in disability networks/employment vocational agencies etc etc

If you are telling this person that you could only have a job in a brightly lit room and large fonts available because you have visual impairment or your diagnosed anxiety makes it hard to work highly stressful fast pace jobs, then they must listen and it’s bizarre if they aren’t listening to you. They must listen and act accordingly.

But if you want to discuss how you feel about something, they don’t have the time for that and I am sure it’s not their task. It’s not that they aren’t trained. It’s just not their job. I also think that they probably can’t justify discussing your feelings if they are assigned a task to get you employed at some point.

I’d look for some type of peer support groups if you want to share thoughts and feelings. Employment agencies might not be the right places for that

Thanks.

It's not me who should look for something else here. My participation in this employment activity is mandatory and as I feel let down and I feel bad about the situation with this social worker, it's not just to look somewhere else.

Of course also my feelings matter, if this social worker is to create a good working relationship with me, she also needs to listen to how I feel about things. This isn't an employment agency as such but an employment program within social services and they work specifically with people who need different kinds of support to get a job or train for one.

I agree their assignment might be written in a certain way but my reality is the same no matter what. I can't leave certain things "at home" so it suits the assignment of my social worker.

Also, most of the things I mention also affects a future job and tells her about my limits. If I for example grieve someone, I can't just hide that to make it easy on my social worker.

I understand it’s disability type employment service. Those are the ones I was referring to as well.

Over the years you’ve been provided with many social workers and therapists through this employment agency. You didn’t like most of them but it’s impressive they provide you with one. I think it’s more than any vocational rehabilitation will do regardless of a client’s disability. They sure won’t do it here for years, they eventually expect you to be employed.

Of course it would be nice if a social worker discussed other things with you and it’s ok to share with her but clearly it’s not why she is there. Also honestly they aren’t going to provide counseling for grief. I lost many family members over the years. I took bereavement leave and then had to resume my duties. Sometimes people take extended medical leave due to grief. It’s understandable one struggles with grief but employers and employment agencies aren’t going to counsel you on grief.

I don’t think you need to make it easier on anyone but maybe you expect something from this agency that they can’t provide.they are likely government funded and government expects people eventually to get of assistance and work if they can. Government isn’t going to fund conversation about feelings. That’s just not how it works

I´m not at an employment agency and the social worker I see now has nothing to do with my former contacts within mental health services.

As often you indrectly blame the person describing his/her situation in this forum by poiting to what he/she has done wrong and what the other party has done right.

There are many more than me who´s on sick leave and who don´t work for years and I don´t see that as the person´s own fault. I believe a small minority likes being on welfare but for most of disabled and unemployed people I think their situation has a very broad range of reasons.

I didn´t say I asked my social worker for grief counselling and it was just an example. If I had been at an regular employment agency where people look for jobs and not having any disability or other problems that affect them in their search for jobs, I could agree with you that the administrators there can´t engage in much else than the search for jobs.

But in this employment program they admit people on sick leave and people with other social and medical problems.

It doesn´t matter what the government thinks they should or shouldn´t fund as this isn´t a matter of attitude. I never said I want random discussions about feelings with this social worker. I said what I feel about certain things, things that have happened to me affects my ability to work and she needs to take that into consideration.

This situation is very similar to how public mental health care works as they also thinks that stating things like "you get ten sessions and then you need to manage on your own" or "we only offer this and that treatment and you need to go with that or else we can´t offer you anything" will help the patient.

Then there´s a large amount of people who doesn´t get the help and treatment they need and then it doesn´t matter that the government thinks they shouldn´t fund any more treatment.

Also, it would be interesting to know how they actually thinks the social workers should work with their clients. For some, just needing someone who helps them finding a workplace, just administering that will work. But for everyone else, how should a client act in a session with them? Should they pretend they´re fine so the social worker can focus on what they think is important? Should they limit what the client tells them by allowing them to talk about what they need to for some minutes and then force them to talk about what´s suitable within the employment program?

You can´t cut off some parts from a person and expect them to perform within the frames of a program, be it an employment program, a health care program or else.

I never said anything is your fault or anyone else’s fault whosever.

I understand that if you can’t work, then you can’t work. I never said it’s your fault you can’t work. Many people cannot work. But if you cannot work, would you qualify for disability? Here if you are in disability they can’t make you attend some required social work sessions at employment agency. I do understand that employment services you receive are for people who have disabilities and can’t work for health reasons. I never said otherwise.

I don’t know how client should act. I think you want some type of therapeutic relationship with these people or maybe even somewhat of a friendship . It doesn’t sound that they are going to provide such relationship as it’s not their goal as their goal is to help with employment. It’s just doesn’t sound like it’s going to happen with these coaches.

This post isn´t about disability or me looking for applying for some kind of disability, this post is about how I´m met by my social worker. I didn´t say I can´t work at all, just that I´m in an employment program for those on sick leave.

Here a lot of people attend similar kinds of employment programs although they´re on sick leave or they can´t work full time. You indirectly tell me that I´m doing wrong here by saying that it seems I want a therapeutic relationship or a friendship with this social worker.

I have said neither, I turn against the fact that they within this employment program thinks that people with different difficulties should be managed into talking about certain things and not others. If my social worker asks me how I´m feeling, then I should more or less answer her just to be polite, not because she´s willing to listen to what I´m telling her.

That is, they expect people they know have certain problems to act like we´re there only because we´re unemployed. That it´s just to "get going" and you shouldn´t talk about your past or what have affected you as it´s an employment program. It´s just absurd, then you more or less need a manual for what´s allowed to talk about and what´s not.

I guess I don’t understand the issue then. So she doesn’t seem to be interested in listening about what bothers you? And you aren’t seeing her anymore?

The program should have given you a manual of what its function, its purpose is. What it hopes to accomplish for and with you. There is the program, there is a counselor, and there is you. Each should have a goal in mind when you meet, to meet the goal of the program.

When i go to the grocery store, i dont expect to hear about how anyone feels. I expect to find and pay for my groceries and go home. That is my part of the bargain. The store has theirs, the clerk have theirs. Everybody has a goal.

Maybe you could ask yourself, what are the agreed-upon goals in these employment sessions? If they are not what you want, maybe you can reach an altered agreement. But it may mean going to the grocery store and coming home empty-handed.

I think this is another case of you having unrealistic expectations and wanting what you want despite the fact that’s not what they offer. You again are trying to control others to force them to give you what you want. Wants are not needs and a government program for even sick people is not going to cater to their wants. They are there to help to get employment. They focus on your needs, not your wants.

Even on here you are trying to force people to say what you want to hear. People are saying your feelings are not the goal of an employment office, not even one for “sick” people.

I literally consistently work with counselors/coaches/social worker employed by state funded vocational services for people with disabilities/illnesses etc I am meeting with one on Monday and then the other one for different age category a week from then.

They will listen to clients’ needs and wants such as “I don’t want more training, I want a job. Or I am not ready to work, I want to learn more pre-employment skills or I want to go to school”. They also will listen to your needs such as “I need instructions given to me in writing. Not verbally. I need a break every 2 hours. I need transportation help or a job in a walking distance because I cannot drive due to my disability”. Etc etc If coaches don’t listen to that, they are bad counselors. They have supervisors and it’s time to complain, and it happens quite a bit.

But they have no time or capacity to listen about feelings or issues not related to employment. No way no how.

They are also required to produce some results. They aren’t going to keep a job if they spend time on clients’ feelings. Does it mean you have no rights to share your feelings with people? Of course not. You should be able to. Peer support, meetup, friendly neighbor, helpline, perhaps your psychiatrist or regular doc, online chats and forums etc

It’s not easy to find resources, what have you tried besides this employment agency?

Okay, I understand the issue better. As divine says, the program’s purpose is to give you extra assistance with a goal of getting and maintaining employment in the future. This means your worker gets an idea of your employment interests and possible capabilities within the context of your illness and facilitates extra training, education and accommodations needed for the best chance of success for the client in maintaining employment. The social worker is not your therapist and their purpose is not to examine your feelings about things occurring in your life. If you need that kind of help you should be finding that through a mental health organization or your doctor.

To see to what the participant needs is the only way to reach the goals. It doesn´t matter if they state that this employment program should reach a certain goal if the way to that goal doesn´t work for me.

Of course they can reason like you do with the grocery store but the goal will then not be met. I can´t act like someone else or be someone else to fit into a certain program. It´s the program which needs to be made after what I tell them is important, what will be helpful and so on.

If it´s the other way around, which is often the case both within health care and employment services, people end up not getting the help they need. It´s not for nothing many people seek help for many years without getting it.

It´s not a matter of control or force, I´ve talked to my social worker several times and told her what I need and what works for me. It´s not to force her or to control her.

What should I do, should I magically need what they offer me, only because that´s what they offer? As you describe it, it´s like feelings about different things doesn´t belong in this only because it´s an employment program.

As an example: I need my social worker to understand how I feel about being in a large group of colleagues or how I feel abour working in an office landscape. Feelings I have about that could be perhaps feeling anxiety, feeling left out, feeling stressed and so on.

Then, according to your logic, if I tell my social worker this and needs her to listen and to understand those situations, then I´m controlling her or I´m forcing her to listen. It makes no sense at all to me. She´s there for me and of course feelings will be included even if the program is about getting a job, you don´t go to work and leave your feelings at home.

Then, as you describe it, it means that some needs are acceptable to talk about but not others in this context of getting employment.

To me, my life and my job/future job goes hand in hand and what goes on in my private life also affects how I feel and what I need in a workplace. It´s not that I have a set of feelings when going to work and another set of feelings when I´m at home.

My unemployment doesn´t come from needing things like more breaks during a day or a special desk which I of course understand is what other people might need. My needs are much more connected to relations in a workplace and that´s something different from those exemples you give.

Again, I can´t leave some things at home just to fit into a certain program, then I would have to lie when my social worker asks me how I´m feeling for example. My private life and how my days are affects my meetings very much and also affects what job I´m able to take. To me, those things are intertwined.

I agree in how you describe the social worker´s assignment but that only works if you´re in such an employment program only because you don´t have an employment, not because you´re on sick leave or you have medical or social problems or issues.

If my life is a certain way, it won´t change because the purpose of the program says we should work in a certain way to get employment. My private life and work life goes hand in hand, what happened to me in the past now affects that I don´t work and so on. It´s impossible to separate those things as I´m one person as I am, I can´t be someone else when I meet with my social worker to talk employment with her.

That doesn´t mean I expect her to act like a therapist but I need her to listen to all aspects and weigh them in even if it´s not about things like "I need that kind of desk" or "I need that kind of lamp in my office". There are so much more to this than workplace adaptations or what education might be needed to get a certain job.

I couldn’t possibly provide you with every example that I encounter on a daily basis. Most certainly plenty of people I encounter have hard time with employment due to mental health issues, anxiety, depression, inability to connect to others etc etc I can give you 1000s of examples. It’s just not possible to describe everything on here.

If it’s perfectly acceptable to tell your social worker that your anxiety or other mental health issues make it hard to work in a large office or getting along with people. It’s perfectly acceptable to request for her to find you a job either from home or in a small office. Such requests are perfectly fine. If she refuses to accommodate your needs, you are within your rights to be mad and complain to her supervisor .

Now if you want to talk about your feelings about things, you could. But it might not lead to much of anything.

There is zero reasons to lie when asked how you are feeling. You could tell her how you feel but she’s not likely to engage in a lengthy conversation about your feelings. That’s what everybody is trying to tell you. It’s a wrong agency for discussion of feelings.

But I encourage you to tell her that certain jobs aren’t acceptable to you because how you feel about being around other people or other emotional or mental or any other issues that prevent you from working

Btw I never said it’s not acceptable to discuss certain topics. You could discuss anything you want but if they don’t engage in a discussion, there’s not much you could do. I encourage you to seek other venues for these discussions as their lack of reciprocation only upsets you.