Dating over 30

Not sure where else to post to get advice .. but we are not in a relationship.

I added this guy on FB and messaged him. We work together and I thought he was cute. I basically asked him to hang out and we went for drinks. Realizing we had gone to school together too and never actually met. There were some awkward moments but we spent a lot of time together that seemed nice. The night ended. We went our separate ways. He never messaged me. I messaged him asking him for a second date. He said he would.
He did mention both times being quite busy, and that’s why he hasn’t dated much.
Either way. He messages me like right before to confirm time.
He’s a gentleman, he opens doors and pays …
After the second date I did mention he could message more and he did message the next night something random but that was about it.
I had left my cup in his car and I again took the opportunity to ask him to hangout AGAIN (third times a charm?).
He said he was open to another date. I ended up asking where he stood with all this, and he also said he liked me, enjoyed hanging out with me and felt pretty comfortable around me.
So I said let’s Netflix and chill.
The night comes up, and I have to cancel since my child got sick. I asked when he’s free again, and he said the next week.
He asked what my intentions were and we spoke some, sexted a bit.
Well roll around to this week and he cancels saying he forgot he had plans with family. Which I said to have fun with his family.
He did not try to reschedule.
Does this mean he’s just not interested? Or I scared him off by moving too fast?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Not interested.

I am all for gender equality and it’s perfectly great to initiate. But if you have to initiate ALL dates (such as with this guy) and all communications (like with this guy), then he clearly isn’t interested. If he wanted, he would.

Also many men don’t like confrontation and often just go along if a woman keeps initiating. But if they are not that interested, they are going along for only that long. Eventually they’ll stop. Sadly I keep hearing about men who are indirect about their lack of interest. So they go along for a few dates and then ghost. Why not just speak up?

I don’t think it’s anything to do with after 30 or after 50. You can meet disinterested men at any age. Trick is to not go for them. Go for men who show interest.

Regardless if you are just looking for casual hookup or serious relationship, pursuing disinterested unavailable men will get you nowhere.

Oh I see you work together. I’d avoid dating (and sexting) people you work with. It creates the whole set of problems

+1 to not sexting with ppl you work with. It can lead to awkward consequences and is best avoided. The old adage called the New York times test applies: you should be comfortable reading whatever you send to work colleagues on the first page of the New York Times the next day.

Thank you for the feedback!
I just don’t get why he didn’t ghost me earlier or why he bothered saying he liked me, enjoyed hanging out with me and felt pretty comfortable around me.
Why can’t people (all genders) just be more straight forward.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

That’s a good question.

Sadly many people are afraid to be direct.

But some maybe got burned out previously when tried to be direct. Some people react badly to rejection so if someone in this guy’s past reacted badly to him rejecting her, he might be afraid of being direct.

He possibly liked you but decided against sleeping with a coworker or he met someone else or wasn’t interested in sex after just two dates. Maybe he was just trying to be polite. Who knows.

Enjoying two dates or feeling comfortable doesn’t mean he is obligated to continue this especially if he’s asked to have sex after just two dates. Is it better if he was direct? Yes. But at this point it was only two dates so it’s better to move on.

I can feel pretty comfortable but "pretty" doesn't mean "REALLY" which means there is something thete that is keeping it from feeling "REALLY". Sometimes it takes people a little time to translate feelings into words & sometimes they just feel tgat walking away is better than the possible confrontation the words could cause.

Could be that the lightbulb came on for him thst the situation you were heading toward was not what he wanted to bring to where he works & a verbal discussion would have caused even more awkwardness in the work place not knowing how you might respond. Seriously the best idea was just to walk away & go back to how things were before.

I have had times when my view & how I finally saw things in a right way for me wete not accepted by the other person & were argued about because that was not what they wanted. When you don't know what someone's reaction will be it is usually best to just walk away & not create one