My normally calm friend cussed me out yesterday in public for explaining a situation

I’m very upset mow & I cpuld use some support & advice & insight into things. Yesterday we went to a fair.

I saw this guy I had some issues with years ago. He was one of the performers at a show there. I saw him sneering at me by the shiws entrance.

This guy made some horrible false accusations against me in the past. Him & his friends bullied me online. Anyways, I tapped her on the shoulder (earlier in the parking lot I told her about him & that if I saw him, that was our signal to turn around & walk in the other direction).

She just stood there at first in a daze. She had a few drinks at that point but she wasn’t drunk.

We finally left. I then asked her if she forgot what I told her. She then snapped at me & accused me of arguing with her & trying to stsrt a fight & how I was ‘combative’ & angry & how I have a victim mentality & that I always make mountains out of molehills which isn’t true at all.

She has usually been calm & easy going most of the time. And supportive & empathetic too. She has never cussed me out & used the f worf towards me until yesterday. She has gotten irritated at me a couple of times after having a few drinks I noticed, but never sober.

She tends to be a passive It seems like it as she let people cut in front of her in line a few times & she let a guy ripher off at a food truck once.

She even went so far as to threaten to leave me thete if I didn’t let ot go. She knows that I jave nad anxiety & she kniws that this guy & his friends bullied me, but she had this dismissive attitude like, who cates? Just let it go.

I was trying to avoid him. I wasn’t trying to talk about what happened, I simply wanted to get away from him. I don’t understand why that would upset her. If she saw a guy that was making HER uncomfortable & she asked ME to please walk in the opposite direction with her, I’d say, sure, no problem!

Her behavior was very upsetting & bizarre! Why would she get so upset with me over that?

What was I supposed to do? Just let that guy sneer at me & stay there & suffer in silence? No thanks!

Those of you who don’t have bad anxiety don’t know what it’s like. Just imagine this, ever been around a creepy guy? Ever want to stay anywhere near them? Probably not.

And this is coming from a woman who’s ex b. f tried to kill her. I don’t get people at all. Later in the car she told me that she wasn’t actually going to leave me stranded there. You just don’t say stuff like that to someone with bad anxiety!

I yold her that & she yelled at me to drop it & agsin of trying to pick a fight. I was setting boundaries & she accused me of trying to argue with her!

She does NOT want to have ANY healthy discussion about anything at all!

Unless I feel that from now on I’ll need to walk on eggshells around her. It seems like she doesn’t want to hear about my problems or offer much in the way of support as my problems are ‘trivial complaints’ to her that aren’t serious.

The exception to that is my health as it’s something she canrelate to. She offered to help me pay for my healthcare which is nice. I’d need to pay her back though,. We have no insurance. She noticrd me coghing a lot & she kniws my husband doesn’t care about my health.

Why would she snap at me & cuss me out like this? She is under some stress now because she filed for divorce a month ago & she’ll need to support her husband still which she’s upset about as she earns more money than him.

There’ might be more going on with her too. She told me that she doesn’t bother me with her issues, so I think her general attitude is that she expects me to keep things to myself & not bother her with my problems it seems like.

She confuses me though as she’ll actually ask me about personal matters at times. Maybe it’s best to not go into deatils from now on.

I thought I knew her, but obviously I don’t. I was so upset yesterday that I shed a few tears at the nen h in public. I haven’t cried in public since I was a kid. That’s how hurt I was. She is like a sister to me & to have her not have my back & trll me that everything is MY fault is messed up. NOT everything is MY damn fault.

I van no longer trust her again or open up to her again. She just doesn’t want to hear it period. Any type of discussion is simply an ‘argument’ to her.

I don’t understand how someone like her can be an H.R manager when they simply don’t want to hear anyone discuss anything, lol.

Is she kind of rough around the edges normally or only when she drinks?

Nothing good comes out of drinking. It baffles me when people ask why this or that keeps happening to them or their friends etc but then it turns out drinking was involved. It sounds that she became confrontational after a few drinks.

These kind of public arguments is kind of common when substances are involved. Not common among sober people

Might be time for new more wholesome and sober friends and sober activities. Plenty of fun interesting people don’t get intoxicated in public and aren’t getting into public brawls. Embarrassing. Time for a change

It depends on what you mean by rough around the edges. She likes to have fun

Like me. We didn’t get drunk. She had to drive. She does edibles & smokes responsibly home. She uses legal weed.

She just had a few drinks. Even if she didn’t have anything to drink, I think that she would’ve responded to me in a somewhat less aggressive way towards me.

Wasn’t her behavior weird & way out of line? I was pissed but I didn’t cuss her out.

Who the hell threatens to leave their friend at an event when they know they can no longer use Lyft & they don’t have an Uber account (hubby refuses to add me on his account because he’s paranoid I’ll get his Uber account banned eventually despite the Lyft incident NOT being my fault at all), and that I don’t have enough money for a taxi back home? I’d have to have my husband pick me up & he’d end up yelling at me & blaming me for everything then!

She knew all of that too! Later she told me she wasn’t actually going to do that. You just don’t say that period! Especially to someone who has bad anxiety.

Prior to that she was acting a bit weird & obnoxious by burping loudly in line & telling me that some guy was looking at me then laughing. Then she said she let out a smelly fart at a store by me & laughed. I left the area.

She burped loudly in the bathroom too & I told her to stop it & she said who cares you care to much about what other people think.

She’s normally calm & easy going. I was really upset she has always been supportive but now it’s like she doesn’t care about what I had to say.

I was expecting her to support me & to ask me if I’m OK or not As I said, I already told her about this guy in the parking lot & she heard about what happened with him & his bully friends before too.

So I thought she’d be sympathetic to my situation. She was all talk. When it came time to take action, she just didn’t care.

It was like I was making a big deal of things just byexpecting her to walk in the other direction & for some reason asking her if she forgot what I told her set her off.

I didn’t accuse her of anything. I just didn’t understand why she just stood there in a daze when I tapped her on the shoulder. I told her that was the signal to leave.

She yelled at me to just let it go.

A few times in the past she has said similar things like I don’t want to talk about this or that or I don’t want to deal with any drama.

I literally can’t communicate with about any issue. If I do, I get accused of trying to start a fight.

Prior to this I simply stated in a text if we could please stay at the next shows we go to late if possible. I asked her nicely if she could go to sleep earlier or take a nap or drink some cofee & she got super defensive & was like, excuse me? If you’re trying to start a fight, pick someone else.

She said that she works hard & I het that. She can still take naps. We missed most of the main act at one show.

I don’t expect that much. I’m trying to work put a mutual compromise. She refuses to even listen to me.

She lashes out at me anytime I try to communicate anything to her. Why does she act like that?

Everything that’s not positive is seen as me ‘complaining’.

It’s like she’s expecting me to now to only be positive allthe time & to keep all of my problems to myself. Maybe it’s OK to talk about beingsick as that’s something she can relate to or care about more.

It seems to me that she expects me to now keep my problems to myself like she does. She also has issues with depression & anxiety, so I thought her of all people would be sympathetic & supportive, so it’s ironic that she’d put me down & tell me that I have a victim mentality & call me negative & trigger my anxiety & be nasty & rude like that. She offered o apology to me at all.

Did I do anything wrong? I don’t think that I did. If so, please let me know what it is exactly.

Honestly, i dont think this woman is your friend. I dont think you really like each other.

My mother was mean to me all the effing time. It made me unable to form friendships or any kind of good relationships. I have to start from zero, getting rid of people in my life who don't suit me. It is helping me to "meet" people here online who do share things i enjoy. I get used to "talking" to them online, and that eventually translates to real life.

That’s what I meant rough around the edges. Burping and farting in public and laughing about it. Getting into confrontations in public etc Having fun has nothing to do with it. The way she behaves is not classy. One can have fun but not be gross.

You two don’t even like each other. Why be friends. I agree with una.

I don’t think it’s about you doing anything wrong. These are just wrong people. Plus you don’t even like them.

Why would you ask her to stay late at shows? If you want to stay late, you could. Doesn’t she work?

I’d not be happy if I am told to drink coffee and take naps so I can be late at shows because someone else stays late. I’d not be arguing but I don’t have any friends who ask such things.

She’s never yelled at me or tild me off before. She’s alwYs been supportive & kind most of the time. She even offered to help loan me money to pay for my medical bills earlier dince I have no insurance without me asking.

This was out of character for her. I think she has an avoidant personality & that she tries hard to avoid any kind of ‘conflict’ for lack of a better word.

She’s a people pleaser.

I do like her. I never said I didn’t. She said that I’m like a sister to her.

She is a bit eccentric & a bit crude, but she’s normally not that bad.

She’s a good person at heart & reliable.

Why do you think she lashed out at me? Why would she mot want to discuss anything?

Because the shows go on until late in the evening. We left one show early on the weekend, so it’s not like she had to het up early the next day.. She drove thete so I had to leave when she lect as I didn’t have enough money for an Uber & I didn’t feel comfortable staying there by myself.

Sorry to hear that your mom was mean to yoi. My mom was abusive to me too. She ignores me now.

I do like her & she told me before that I’m like a sister to her. She’s never told me iff before.

I don’t understand why she lashed out at me like this. She has not eanted to discuss anything in the past, but this was on another level.

I can’t trust her anymore. I’ll still be her friend, but I can no longer count on her to be there for me.

She’ll just be an activity friend from now on.

I get it. But if you rely on people for transportation, you can’t ask them to stay up late. You’ll need to leave when they want to leave. You either drive yourself or accommodate your driver. You can’t ask them to drive you snd tell them what time you want to leave.

Also honestly many people don’t like to drive when it’s too late and they are tired. Especially if it’s dark.

I’ve no idea why she lashed out. She doesn’t sound like a people pleaser. People pleaser would not set boundaries and would agree to everything you asked.

I think avoiding conflicts especially in public doesn’t necessarily mean she has avoiding personality.

To continue was divine is saying, telling someone to take a nap or drink some coffee so they can stay up later to accommodate you would be my definition of boundary-crossing. You dont get to tell me what to do with my body. Even just suggesting it. That could be why she was burping and farting - she felt violated but didnt know how to express it verbally.

That’s what I was trying to say too.

I recently developed high blood pressure (genetics mostly). Telling me to drink more coffee so I can drive friends to parties and stay late would be upsetting to me. No one in my entire life asked me such a thing. Drinking more coffee to stay late at shows as we get older is just not a smart move. Also even if it’s a weekend, it doesn’t mean I am not tired or have no other obligations or have ton of free time taking naps. Many people can’t nap. I can’t sleep during the day.

There have been many occasions when someone else drove me or we did car pool with friends. Never ever no one asked a driver to stay up late and inconvenience themselves and jeopardize their health so someone can party late. Never ever happened. And I have pretty active social life.

She’s working on not being a people pleaser anymore.

She burped & farted in public before. She thinksits funny. I didn’t mean to cross boundaries. I won’t do it again.

Good for her.

OK, I understand that now. I didn’t think that it was that inappropriate to ask. I won’t ask her that again.

See when I said she sounds like a person who’s rough around the edges. Fights in public, drinks, burps and farts and talks to people rough. You said no she’s not that way. Now you are saying she burps and farts in public and laughs about it. That’s kind of rough, don’t you think. She sounds like a person who’d behave exactly how you described. Cussing you out or what not. You are always surprised how people behave. That’s who they are. We other accept them or find a different crowd

I see. She does have a sweet sensitivite side surprisingly. She also offered to help loan me money for medical expenses which was nice.

You keep saying you both like each other but honestly the behavior is not of two people who like each other. I wonder if you've confused convenience with appreciation and friendship?