My friend is becoming distant.

I met my friend in college seven years ago. We were staying in the same dorm and we hit it off almost immediately. While we never had any classes together, we would still get together and have lunch whenever we could. But as time went on we both graduated. She moved out of state and I moved back to my hometown. We still stayed in touch even as our schedules became more hectic but eventually, she would stop answering my texts. This started to affect me emotionally, especially since 2023 has been a HORRIBLE year for me and I really could have used her support. In late September, I decided to send her a message saying that she was being a bad friend by ignoring me. She responded with the message that she was going through a rough time as well and that I needed to give her space. I conceded that I was wrong and we haven’t spoken since then. But the more I think about it, the more I’m not okay with her pushing me aside. I gave her moral support when she finished her master’s degree, but she can’t do the same when my entire life has practically fallen apart?

I know I’ve badmouthed my friend for most of this post, but she’s not a bad person. Not in the slightest. She’s an absolutely beautiful person, both inside and out. And that’s why I’m so upset with her treatment of me. Strong friendships have been a rarity in my life. Either I moved away or they moved away, they started treating me like **** for no good reason, or they just cut all contact without as much as a goodbye. I don’t want to happen here. Is there anything I can do to mend the relationship or should I simply move on?

I'm sorry to hear this. I've experienced friends being distant with me a lot. I would say, after college, people graduate and then they become separated geographically. After a while it can be natural to lose interest from those in the past. Things change and so do people.

I'm not so sure if telling her, "she's being a bad friend for not texting you" was a good idea. That may have come as being too blunt. Although I completely understand how you feel and I agree with you. But there's no real easy and nice way to handle it.

Overall, I think you should move on from her because it sounds like she's lost interest in you. I could be wrong, though. Like I said, these things happen, and it's happened to me a lot. As far as you saying that this year has been bad, there must be a lot of that going around. Because it's been a bad year for me also and for some many others I've spoken to.

In my 70 years of life there has been a "season" for many friendships as life changes & individuals change. Life moves on in a different direction & friendships really moves on too for many people.

Seriously

Quote:

In late September, I decided to send her a message saying that she was being a bad friend by ignoring me.

comes across as very JUDGMENTAL since you had no clue what was going on in her life & sounded like you were only interested in your need & not really interested in her at all. If I were very busy dealing with serious issues of my own, that text would just push me away from a friendship rather than bring me back to it.

I actually had a similar situation....my horse was really sick & her care took all the energy I had. I had a friend that was moving & had always helped her with moves before but was way too busy to volunteer & had been so busy I hadn't even communicated with her in months. The one time she called right before the move was the day my horse was having a biopsy an hour away at the equine hospital I needed to get to to be there after her surgery. No time to talk. Friend was busy getting settled in her new place even farther away. My horse didn't survive late that night I went back to be with her. I was hurting & seriously didn't want to talk to anyone.....she never called back, I never called back & at that point we just seemed to go our separate ways. There were issues I had been having with her before that & just didn't want to deal with them with evwrything else going on in my life & knowing her personality so it was just easier for both of us to just go off in our own directions & some friendships just do that....friendships aren't something that can be forced by either side & growing apart sometimes can just be normal

Maybe try reaching out to them a couple of times. Then, if you don't hear anything back, you may have to move on. Sadly, as our lives evolve, and times get busy, we often drift apart from some people in our lives.

I'm sorry for the hurt that you feel. I've had friendships fizzle out, where I had maintained an interest longer than the other party. It's painful and can make you question your worthiness.

I think you need to move on. Your friend is not wanting the level of contact that you would like to have with her. When someone won't even reply to a text, they are sending a clear message. She's not investing anymore in this relationship. I think her way of exiting the relationship is kind of cruel. It makes me wonder how sincere her friendship ever was. She may be a person who moves in and out of friendships, as they serve some purpose in her life. Letting her know you're going through a period of need right now only makes you even less attractive to her. It's really only the most sincere friends who stick around when your "entire life is practically falling apart." I'm sorry if you have no one like that in your life. The emotional strain must be hard.

It's extra disappointing when someone you supported in the past doesn't reciprocate. Unfortunately, a lot of people will let you down like that. It's heart breaking. I think your best bet is to move on and seek out new friendships.

You might be able to mend things with this person to where you stay in very light contact with her. You helped that outcome by apologizing. But she is straight up not available for the kind of friendship you yearn for. I believe she will keep the connection superficial no matter what you do.

Sorry to hear that. What Rose said is probably true. She might’ve been a friend of convenience. You were probably more useful to her when you went to school together. Then maybe she didn’t need you as much anymore.

Although she was a bad friend, you can’t say certain things to people & expect them to not get upset ober things even if it’s the truth.

No one likes to ne criticized. Next time use I statements. Also, it’s always better to talk to someone about these things face to face in person.

To many things could be taken out of context over texts. Ive had similar issues dealing with friends too.