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Someone1k94
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Member Since Dec 2023
Location: England
Posts: 1
Default Dec 19, 2023 at 08:16 AM
  #1
I think this is the correct place for this. If not, I apologise.

This is going to sound really silly, as I only met this person exactly a month ago via a friendship app for those with Autism, and we'd been getting on great - we have most of the same struggles in life, find it hard to make friends, etc. So, I felt a very strong connection with them!

So, anyway...

I decided I'd give her a bit of space, so that she could focus on spending time with her Boyfriend. I refrained from sending a message for 24 hours. Similarly, she was not seen on WhatsApp in 24 hours (since we'd last spoken!).

I sent her a message asking how her day went, etc. But I just had a strong feeling that something was wrong and deleted the message and just asked if she was okay instead. She had a row with her Boyfriend the previous week (they sorted things out since then!), and I got worried it had happened again.

Anyway, when she got back to me, her message was in response to the since deleted message (that hadn't been marked as seen), I also never saw her come online, or see her typing, so I mentioned in my response back that I was confused - and she took offence at this.

So, she sent me a 24-paragraph message in response and ended it with "Take care and all the best!" and had blocked my number before I had chance to respond back.

Her main issues were she felt that...
  • I criticized the way she spoke, which I have never done!
  • Expected her to reply as and when suited me, as if she was a puppet on a string (her analogy), which was not the case.
  • Thinks it was what she said that confused me, when it was mainly that the message hadn't been read/she wasn't showing online!

I only realized after it that she probably responded from the notification on her phone, which likely wouldn't mark it as seen!

I guess what I want to know here...

Should I have at least been given a chance to explain what I meant? Did she overreact? Is it my fault?

Sorry for the long thread, I'm just kinda struggling to cope with it - really could be doing with another person's view.
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Molinit
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Default Dec 19, 2023 at 12:46 PM
  #2
I suspect from when you say you “refrained” from sending an email for 24 hours for a 1-month friendship, you may have been contacting her too frequently for her liking. Friendships that start organically take many months or years to evolve into daily contact. Accept the outcome here and don’t continue trying for contact.

In the next friendship, try for weekly or even monthly “how are you” messages .

I would also recommend seeing if there is an in-person meeting in your area run by a group for people with autism to help you learn how to socialize.
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Thanks for this!
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