Quiet BPD Discard

Greetings,

I am struggling with the discard from an apparent quiet BPD that I dated for 6 months who fits most of the DSM criteria. He exhibits the signs of choosing a favorite person, avoiding conflict, simmering anger, passive-aggressiveness, past self-harm (drug use), poor self-image, fear of rejection, etc.

I am wondering if anyone else experienced any of the following?

1. He easily offers living together and taking care of me and then doesn't talk about it anymore after first super minor disagreement

2. He goes silent and withdraws and when I asked if everything was OK he immediately reassured me that he loved me even if he didn't show it

3. He said he felt like he wasn't enough and that he had sabotaged relationships in the past

4. On our first date he kissed me and said that he wanted to be whatever he could be for me in my life

5. He sent me photos of the kind of house that he would like to live in together someday

6. He said I made him want to be the best version of himself

7. Everything was great and a few days later he didn't feel in love anymore

Any insights you can share, words of consolation, or similar experiences are welcome!

Ciara

I'm really sorry that he hurt you.

Would you say that he lovebombed you at first?

I can’t say if he has BPD or not, we can’t really diagnose on here, but it sounds like he love bombed you.

In my experience (rather vast one lol) men who are truly interested in you on a deep level would move slow. They’d not profess undying love on a first date with weird promises and kisses or send you pictures of the house, they’d not insist on showing up at your house and wouldn’t propose to start living together too early into a relationship.

Moving very fast is never a good sign. Next time dude does things like that early on and most certainly if he does it in a first date, there’s no happily ever after. Love bombing feels good at the moment but it’s never the answer

I'm sorry you've been hurt / dumped by someone with possible mental health issues.

I personally see attempting to diagnose someone in a "negative" way who has hurt you, on a forum where ppl are diagnosed w/ BPD, to be hurtful to other people here.

It sounds like he's not in a place to be in a relationship. Or maybe you guys weren't right for each other.

Regardless, I hope you find some good ways to cope with your feelings about this.

I think you have dodged a bullet before consequences became dire. I agree with the point about avoiding trying to diagnose this man. I hope you have better luck in the near future.

By the way, the word "discard" is not present in the DSM criteria for borderline personality disorder.

The actual word “discard” isn’t present but pattern of idealization and devaluing is present. In that sense it falls into that category of intense live bombing followed by complete discard/ ghosting/devaluing etc

But it’s all moot point as we’ve no idea what this person has or doesn’t have. And OP didn’t even come back

I'm very sorry he hurt you